Black Sunrise
by raybabiieex3
Summary: I didn't want to be that person anymore. I didn't want to cut myself. I didn't want to starve myself to be skinny. I just to be healthy again. AU/AH/CP/OOC/Language/Rape/Cutting. Full sum inside. Complete with epilogue.
1. Prologue

**Summary: Bella Swan has a dark and troubled past. When she returns to Forks, she meets Edward Cullen. Will love ensue, or will her past get in the way?**

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Prologue**

His hot breath fanned my face, and the faint smell of the liquor on his breath overwhelmed my senses. I tried to back away, it was a feeble attempt at escaping the inescapable.

"Hello darling," he cooed. A single tear ran down my cheek, as he roughly ran his hands down my torso. I bit back a sob as his hands slid lower, and lower slowly making their way down to my center. With the tips of his fingers, he lightly traced circles on the inside of my thighs. He dragged me over to the bed, as I struggled against his grip. I tried begging him to stop, but I couldn't find my voice.

"You are a dirty whore, aren't you baby?" he whispered in my ear "and you're getting fat, look at all this meat on your body." Roughly, he pinched the fat on my hips digging his nails into my skin. I whimpered from the pain. "You're a fat whore," he whispered in a sickly sweet voice. I writhed in pain as he harshly entered my body, shoving his member into me. I laid back on the bed, motionless and tried not to think of what was happening to me. I just want it all to stop. I thought desperately.

I screamed out as the pain radiated through my body, which only motivated him to move faster within me. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks, I prayed that he would be finished soon. After what felt like a million years, he finally pulled out and emptied his load on my stomach. "Goodnight dear," he whispered kissing me softly on the lips. I looked away, sobbing quietly into my pillow as he pulled on his pants, and left the room.

Slowly, I waddled into the bathroom. I grimaced when I caught my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and swollen from crying, I looked away as a broken sob escaped my lips. Disgusted with myself, I tightly clenched my fist. I swung at the mirror, putting all the energy I could muster up behind my fist. The mirror shattered into a million pieces, the shards met the linoleum floor with a loud clank. I leaned back up against the wall, as I thought of a way to make it all stop.

My knuckles were split open, and covered in blood but I couldn't bring myself to care. Slowly, I picked up one of the glass shards. Could I really be like her? I thought to myself. As I gazed at the broken fragment, the answer became very clear.

Yes. Yes I could.

Holding the shard tightly in my hand, I slashed at my wrist. I felt a strange burning sensation as the glass sliced my skin, I winced as pain radiated from the wound. For a few moments all I could think about was the aching of the cuts on my arm, I focused all my attention on the pain. I slashed at my arm again, blood gushed from the wound. So this is why she did it. I smiled wickedly, as I ran my fingers over the blood.


	2. Chapter 1

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter one. **

_One year later. _

I groaned when I woke up in the morning. I glanced around my room, before hesanitly tip toeing over to my door. I opened it a fragment of an inch and peeked out into the living room. Phil didn't appear to be home. I shut the door quietly just in case. I made my way over to my window. My heart flipped inside my chest, when I saw that his car was gone.

Closing the blinds to my window I made my way to the bathroom. After a quick shower, I gazed at myself in the mirror. I grimaced. I averted the mirror completely, as I brushed my teeth. I quickly straightened my hair. I swiped on a few layers of mascara, and applied some foundation to cover the bruise on the side of my face.

I quickly dressed, putting on a black bra, and maroon tank top. I slipped on a long sleeve shirt, a pair of tight fitting skinny jeans and my old chucks. I grabbed my books and purse, before heading out. I locked the door to my house, and walked down the street to the bus stop.

"Hey," My best friend Tia said, when I reached the bus stop.

"Hi," I said. I met Tia in first grade. I offered to share my building blocks with her and we've been friends ever since. Tia was extraordinarily beautiful. She had long jet black hair, and adorable front bangs. Her striking blue eyes stuck out from her tan woodsy skin tone. She was a beautiful person, inside and out. I honestly don't know why she was friends with me. Maybe it was because she doesn't know about Phil. I call her my best friend, but she knows nothing about me - at least not really. She knows all my likes and dislikes – as I hers. She knows the _real_ reason as to how my mother died. She knows my favorite numbers, and my favorite band.

But she doesn't know about the self inflicted cuts on my arms, she doesn't know about Phil and his nightly sessions. She doesn't know anything, and she never will. I could _never_ tell her, or anyone for that matter.

"Bella! Earth to Bella!" Tia's voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

Tia shook her head and laughed. "Jesus Bella, come on!" Tia said in mock annoyance, and she pulled me along. We boarded the bus, and took our seats in the back.

"I hate school, I can't wait for it to be over!" Tia complained. I laughed. "Tia, we've only been in school for a week!"

Tia shrugged. "So what." Minutes later we arrived at school. Tia and I walked over to our lockers. After getting our books for our first class we parted ways.

"See you in Algebra," Tia called over her shoulder.

"See you!" I called back.

I walked to homeroom in a daze. Tomorrow is the second year anniversary of my mothers death. Oh _joy. _I hated my mother. She left me here all alone with him. I have no one to help me. Nothing to make me feel _good. _That's why I cut. For the longest time, I never understood why people cut, only until I tried it myself. The feeling of a blade slicing open my skin, the stinging of the cut, the way the blood trickles down my arm with each slash. It was invigorating.

Homeroom lasted for all of twenty minutes, when the bell rang I dashed to my first class, smiling widely at Tia as I took my seat. I laughed quietly to myself when I noticed Tanya, Kate, and Irina saunter their way into the class room. Those three were the wannabe 'mean girls' at Pheonix High School, with Tanya playing the role of Regina George. They were all bimbos in my opinion, but the whole school loved them. The girls wanted to be them, and the boys wanted to be with them.

"Bella!"

I turned around, "what?" I hissed. Sam Ulley was grinning like an ass, I rolled my eyes at him.

"If London had gangsters they'd be called the bloody Crips yo!" He said in a British accent. I looked at him wryly, and Tia laughed.

"Dude! You sounded like Ron Weasly from Harry Potter!" She exclaimed, I chuckled at her enthusiasm. "Say 'bloody hell'!" Tia comanded him.

"Bloody hell!" Sam said in a flawless British accent. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Miss Swan!" Mr. Young shouted. I turned around and smiled innocently at him.

"Care to tell me what is so funny?"

I nodded, and pointed to Sam with my thumb "Sam." Mr. Young nodded and smiled. "Ah! Mr. Ulley. Answer number one on the drill. If you get it wrong, you will receive a detention!" "The slope is two?"

Mr. Young grimaced "correct." Sam sighed in relief.

The rest of the hour passed by with out any interruption from Sam. Tia and I walked silently to Spanish.

"God, I'm so hungry!" Tia groaned. I sighed inwardly. _How could someone so skinny eat as much as she does? _I thought to myself. I clutched at my stomach. I winced slightly, as the fabric rubbed my newest cuts the wrong way.

The rest of the day passed by, before I knew it I was sitting at my table with Tia, watching her devour a jar of pickles by herself.

"How can you eat those things?" I asked. I wrinkled my nose at the smell. Tia laughed, and dangled the disgusting excuse for food in my face. I shrieked, and backed away.

She laughed, and popped it in her mouth. The last few hours of the day passed by quickly. Tia and I finished up at our lockers. We walked out to the bus and took our seats.

Tia and I talked about stupid random shit as we waited for the bus to get to our stop. Eventually, the bus stopped and we got off.

"Peace out girl scout!" Tia laughed. I laughed too.

"Bye!"

"Call me!" She shouted.

"Stalk you!" I shouted back. We both laughed and walked back to our houses. I sighed with relief when I saw that Phil's car wasn't in the drive. That gave me a few hours. I pulled my house key out of my bag, and un-locked the door. I stepped inside. I sprinted up the steps, and threw my stuff down on my bed. I grabbed my phone out of my purse, and quickly dialed Tia's number.

She picked up on the second ring.

"_Heyyy! What are you doing?" _She answered.

"Nothing, I just got home. You?"

"_Same, I just walked in. Hey what was the math homework?" _

"I dunno, I'm not going to do it, so I didn't write it down."

"_Stupid ass!" _Tia laughed.

"I'm sorry!" I laughed. "So what's up?"

"_Just getting on the computer," _

Tia and I talked aimlessly for a few hours. My heart stopped when I heard the front door open.

"Hey T? I've got to go." I said urgently.

"_Alright, talk to you later." _

"Later," I said and hung up. I froze when I heard Phil's foot steps stomping up the stairs. He burst open my door, and smiled.

"Hello Isabella" he he greeted me, his sickly sweet voice made my skin crawl. I nodded in response.

"Make me Taco's for dinner" he commanded, and I nodded again. When he left the room, I let out a deep breath that I didn't know I was holding. Around 6:00 I made my way down stairs to make Phil's dinner. My stomach growled loudly as I un-packaged the meat, cheese, lettuce and taco shells. I wanted nothing more than to make a taco for myself, and take it up to my room. I wanted to eat, something or anything. My stomach gurgled louder at the thought. I shook my head to clear it, I knew I couldn't do that and I was stupid to think of such things.

Phil would go into a frenzy if he saw me eating something so fattening. Besides I wasn't sure how badly I wanted to gain weight from eating something as un-healthy as a taco. I tried to ignore the growling, and the aching hunger as I finished making Phil's dinner. I aligned 4 tacos perfectly in a line on his plate, my mouth watered as a piece of ground beef fell from the taco on to the plate.

I reached out to pick it up with my fingers, but quickly drew my hand back. It wasn't worth the repercussions, I didn't want to gain any more weight. I've barely been losing it, and eating a piece of meat swimming with grease, fat and calories would only make my situation worse.

"Phil, dinner!" I called. He rushed into the room, smiling he placed a light kiss on my cheek.

"Thanks, sweetie." I nodded, and tried to keep the look of disgust off my face. I ran up stairs, savoring what I could of the alone time I had while he ate.

I took a quick shower, and silently prayed that God would have mercy on me, and not send Phil in here. But my plea was ignored. Just like it was every night. I should be used to this by now, but seeing him burst through my bedroom door with that menacing look on his face still scares me just as much as it did the first time.

I try to think of other things while he takes me, I try to ignore the feeling of his clammy hands on my skin. I try to tune out his voice while he whispers in my ear, I try to numb my body from the feeling of him inside me. Hours passed before Phil had grown tired of his game. After the third or fourth round he rolled off of me, slipped on his clothes and left the room. Leaving me to drown in a pool of self hatred, and disgust.

I reached over to my bedside table, and pulled out the little blue box that contained all of my razors. Without hesitation I drew the blade to my skin making deep slits up and down my arms, as I tired to make the thoughts go away. I tried to cut away the self hatred, and disgust but I couldn't. A tear ran down my cheek as I watched the blood trickle down my arms, I hated what my life had become.

I didn't know when but sometime during the night I fell into a dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 2

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter two.**

I woke up the next morning, covered in dry blood. My arms were still stinging a bit from my cutting last night. I got up, and rushed over to the window. Phil's car was gone, so I rushed into the bathroom. I looked at my self in the mirror. My face was stained with black eyeliner, my eyes were blood shot and puffy. I grimaced, and turned around. I started the shower, and stepped in when the water was just right.

I sighed when the hot water droplets hit my skin. I leaned my head back, letting the water soak my hair. I massaged my scalp, as I washed my hair. I washed my body _very_ thoroughly. Trying to get all traces of Phil, off of my skin. As I rinsed away the sudsy soap, reality dawned it's self on me. I closed my eyes.

_Today is the second year __anniversary of my mother's death._

A shiver ran from the back on my head and all the way down my spine. My mother killed herself in _this _bathroom, two years ago today. I could feel the tears building behind my closed eye lids.

I finished up in the shower, and wrapped a towel around me. I rung the water out of my hair, before dropping the towel and stepping on the scale. _Ninety-nine__. _I grimaced. I only lost one pound! Tears of frustration fell from my eyes, I grimaced at the fat on my stomach. I reached into the bathroom cabinet, and pulled out a razor. I slashed at my stomach, and watched the bright red liquid travel down my torso, and trickle down my lets.

The feeling of the blood moving made my skin feel like it was on fire. I slashed again, and moaned when the blade sliced through multiple layers of skin. The blood oozed out in tiny droplets. I hissed at the stinging pain, but pain was good. There is so much pleasure in pain. I ran a washcloth under warm water, and wiped away all of the dried blood.

When I was cleaned up, I brushed my hair out before straightening it, and applied my make up. I quickly dressed, satisfied with my green tank top, and orange long sleeve shirt, jeans, and my chucks. I grabbed my books, and purse.

I rushed out the house, I made sure the door was locked and ran down to the bus stop. The minute I got there, a pair of tiny petite arms embraced me in a hug.

"Hey, Tia." I mumbled. Tia let go of me. I turned around to face her.

She smiled sadly at me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied. I was so not okay. I knew that Phil's session with me tonight was going to be at it's worst. It couldn't avoid it. There was nothing I could do. But that didn't stop me from praying that he would just leave me alone tonight. I knew it was a lost cause. For some reason, God feels the need to punish me every night.

Tia and I boarded the bus. After a few moments of awkward silence, Tia spoke up.

"You sure, that you're alright?" She whispered.

_No_.

"Yeah," I whispered back.

_ I'm never alright. _

I leaned back in my seat. I could just end all of this so easily. With one cut. With one pill bottle. I could just go to what ever place people go to when they die. I would be away from Phil. I would be happy in a black pool of unconsciousness.

Surely no one would miss me. I glanced over at Tia. I would like to believe that she would miss me. But she would be better off with out me as her friend. I love her so much, it's the least I could do for her.

I hadn't realized that the bus had reached school Tia brought me out of my thoughts by pulling me up out of the seat. I followed her to out lockers. I got everything I needed.

"See you in math!" Tia shouted.

"See you," I mumbled. I walked slowly to homeroom. I plopped down in my seat.

Finally the bell rang. I walked to Algebra, and sat down. Tia smiled at me. Algebra passed by quickly. I took my seat in History. We were watching National Treasure. Tia sat next to me, and I smiled at her.

I rested my head on the desk. I could hear Tanya and her two bimbo clones, laughing and giggling. I tired to tune them out, and go to sleep. Sleeping was a temporary numbness, where I could dream. I dreamed that I could be happy. Maybe I could live with my real father, and my brother. Whom I haven't seen in years because Phil cut off all contact with them. He said that I had him now, and I didn't need them. But in my dream, I did need them. We lived happily together.

My hazy thoughts were interrupted by Tanya's giggling. "TANYA! SHUT UP!" I yelled. The whole room went silent.

"Dang, Bella." Nelson laughed. Rebecca laughed too. "She's hates Tanya."

"But I wasn't even talking!" Tanya said. I glared at her. She sat down in her seat, and averted my eyes. Mr. Miller gave me a 'what the fuck' look before turning back to his computer.

Tia laughed next to me. "Jeez Bella, that was brilliant!" I shrugged, and put my head back on the desk. Before I knew it, it was time for lunch. I sat down at the table with Tia, she narrowed her eyes at me. It looked like she was trying to do a difficult math problem in her head.

"Bella?" She said.

"What?"

"How come you never eat lunch?" She asked. I shrugged. "I don't like school food."

"Yeah, but your so skinny! You're like a stick!" She complained.

"Not really," I mumbled.

"Bella here, eat this!" Tia said. She placed half of her grilled cheese in front of me. Cheese. There was probably thousands of calories in that. I couldn't eat it. I had only lost one pound, I was not going to gain it back.

"No thanks,"

Tia glared at me. "Eat it!"

I glared back at her. She wasn't going to be happy unless I ate that. I frowned, slowly picking up the sandwich, and brought it to my mouth. I took a bite, and tried to keep the look of disgust off of my face. The grease and cheese surrounded my senses, the bread wasn't even wheat bread. I chewed slowly, and swallowed.

"I'm really not hungry." I said, in a flat voice. Tia rolled her eyes at me. "I'll spilt it with you," She said. Tia ripped the sandwich half into two pieces. She gave me one of the pieces. Tia Took a bite out of hers, and then another. I grimaced. Tia eyed me expectantly.

Sighing, I took a huge bite out of the sandwich. I did my best not to taste it. I tried not to think about the calories I was consuming. I couldn't stop thinking about the single pound I had lost, I hadn't even been eating much this week. Frankly I don't think I really ate _anything _this week. I looked down at my stomach, and frowned. My rolls were sticking out, mocking me. As if they were sticking out on purpose just to make me feel worse about myself.

During American Government I asked to go to the bathroom. I rushed into the stall, quickly pulling my hair into a low pony tail. I grabbed the popsicle stick out of my purse, and stuck the stick in my mouth. I coughed as the sandwich came back up. I hated resorting to this, I hated throwing up and I hated making myself throw up even more. I didn't have a choice though, I was tired of gaining weight. I was tired of Phil's constant displeasure with my body, over the years his snide comments about my weight had taken a toll on me.

When I was done, I flushed the toilet, and walked out of the stall. I rinsed my mouth out with water, and rinsed off the popsicle stick before sticking it back in my purse. I walked back to class, and sat back down in my seat. The rest of the day passed by faster than I liked. At least, while I'm at school Phil can't touch me. The bus ride home was a quite event. Tia knew when I wasn't in the mood to talk, and now was one of those times. We got off at our stop. I told her that I would call her later. Phil wasn't home when I got home, and I was thankful. I plopped my stuff down on my bed, and decided that I wanted to take a long shower.

Hours later Phil crept into my room and my heart stopped. It was nearly two in the morning, so I figured he must be drunk. He smiled at me, and I shuddered. He ran his fingers down my jaw line, tears clouded my vision. "Hi baby," he greeted me. "You look just like your mother," he cooed. I could smell a faint trace of Jack Daniel's on his breath, as he kissed his way down my neck, lapping his tongue across my collar bone.

"Wanna know a secret..." he mumbled, lightly nipping on the skin of my ear lobe. I said nothing, I knew that he would tell me anyways regardless of my response. "You turn me on so much Isabella," he whispered. "I don't know why I ever wanted your mother, her body was old and worn but _yours" _he groaned "is young, new, and innocent. I love that I've been the only man to be inside you," he kissed me roughly on the lips. "I'm the only man that will ever be inside of you." I whimpered loudly as he entered my body, roughly pounding himself into my center. It felt like years had passed by before he pulled out, and finished on my stomach. I bit back a sob as he lightly placed his lips to my forehead, and pulled on his pants. I waited until he left the room before I let out a strangled sob.

I wasn't sure how long I had been crying, I glanced out the window and the sun was starting to rise. _I can't do this anymore. _None of it was worth it, no life - if what I was living could even be called a life - was worth this. I couldn't stand it any longer, I wanted to be free. I wanted to feel happiness and joy, for years all I have known is pain. I am so tired. I'm tired of getting up in the morning, painting on fake smile for Tia and Sam. I was tired of coming home, and knowing that Phil would have his way with me. I was tired of slicing at my body, and starving myself. I'm tired, of being tired.

I reached out for my razor, a soft smile playing at the edged of my mouth. I knew that in a matter of minutes, I would be happy. I would be sleeping forever, the numbness would no longer be temporary. I made a deep long cut from the top of my wrist to the crook of my elbow. The blood gushed from my arm, and I smiled repeating the same motion to my other arm.

_It will all be over soon._ I made a deep cuts on both of my wrists. The cuts were deep enough so that I could almost see the bone. I laid back on the bed, as the blood pooled out of my body. I could feel the unconsciousness approaching. I would be happy soon. I was happily, unconscious. On the brink of death. A few moments passed by, and I could feel myself slowing slipping away from reality, I wasn't so far gone that I couldn't hear my door creep open a loud gasp, and the blood curdling scream that followed.


	4. Chapter 3

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter three. **

_Tia's point of view:_

I walked up the street to the bus stop, waiting anxiously for Bella to get here. She didn't call me last night, and I was worried. I knew something was wrong, I could feel it. Something in the atmosphere felt off today, my instincts were screaming at me. When the bus had arrived at the stop, and Bella was still no where to be found I knew something was up. I ran down the street to Bella's house, and opened her front door. "Bella?" I called.

No answer.

I rushed upstairs to her room, trying to ignore the feeling that something terrible was waiting for me on the other side of her door. Hesitanly I pushed the door open, stopping dead in my tracks. _Oh my god! _I gasped, my hand flew to my mouth but I couldn't stop the blood curdling scream from escaping my lips. I knew the image of my best friend lying unconscious on her bed, in a pool of her own blood would forever be etched into my brain.

Her body was frail, and broken. Her ribs stuck out against her skin, and I noticed various scars and cuts all over her body. "Oh no!" I gasped rushing over to her body. I reached into my pocket for my cell phone, and quickly dialed 911.

"_911. What's your emergency?" _The operator answered.

"Help! My friend, she…she's lying in a pool of her own blood. I think she tried to kill herself!" I choked out, my eyes locked on Bella's unconscious body, tears ran down my cheeks.

The operator said that she was sending an ambulance. I closed the phone and rushed to Bella's side. "BELLA!" I shouted, grabbing a towel from her drawer, and wrapped it around her arm so that the bleeding would stop, but it didn't work her blood just seeped through the towel.

"Bella! You _can't_ die on me!" I sobbed. I heard the sirens of the ambulance, and prayed that they wouldn't be too late.

"HELLLP!" I screeched, clinging to her body. The paramedics rushed into the room, I watched helplessly as they wrapped gauze around Bella's wounds, checking her pulse and loaded her lifeless body on a stretcher. I rushed out with them, hopping in the ambulance with Bella. I grabbed her hand as tears stained my cheeks. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the cuts and bruises that covered her body. Her skin was covered with various purple scars, it was obvious that they were self inflicted.

I almost couldn't believe it, but I couldn't deny what my eyes were telling me. _My poor Bella, _a broken sob escaped my lips and I tightened my grip on her hand. It felt like centuries had gone by, by the time we arrived at the hospital. The ER doctors sent me away to wait in the waiting room. I anxiously paced up, and down the edge of the room waiting for a doctor to give me an update on Bella's condition. A nurse came and talked to me while I was waiting, she asked me how old I was and if I was alone. When I told her that I was sixteen, and alone she insited that she call my mother, without hesitation I gave her my mother's cell number.

After about thirty minutes a doctor came out, pulling up a chair next to me in the waiting room. I stared at him expectantly, when he didn't say anything I started to cry. "She's dead isn't she?" I whispered. He stared sadly at me, a remorseful expression painted itself on his face. "No, she's not dead but she lost a lot of blood. She'll probably be unconscious for a while."

I breathed a sigh of relief, _she's alive. _While I knew that I had much to worry about I took solace in the fact that she would live to see another day. "Is there an adult here with you?" The doctor asked, as if on cue my mother rushed through the front doors of the hospital. "Mom!" I shouted, we locked eyes and she rushed over to me. "Are you okay? What's going on?" Her thick Arabic accent was laced with concern.

"I'm fine," I replied anxiously "it's Bella she... she" I broke off into another fit of tears. I wrapped my arms tightly around my mother's waist, breathing in her soft scent. When she wrapped her arms tightly around my body, I found the comfort that I had been searching for.

"Bella? What happened?" Her eyes burned with intensity, she eyed the doctor expectantly.

The doctor sighed. "Isabella, is in critical condition. I gave her an exam, and it appears that she have suffered major internal traumas, the same that of a rape victim" he began, my eyes bugged out of my head. "So what are you saying?" I demanded.

"Considering the circumstances, I have no other choice than to believe that Isabella has been a victim of multiple rapes, and beatings."

_Multiple rapes, and beatings. _The words repeated in the back of my like a broken tape recorder. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, my knees buckled as I held on to my mother for dear life. I started at the wall in front of me, not really seeing it. _Multiple rapes, and beatings? _Who would do such a thing, and to Bella of all people? Innocent, kind hearted Isabella Swan? I didn't make any sense.

The image of Phil popped into my head. _Would he?_ I wondered. I had never liked Phil, for as long as I've known him I've always managed to find some reason to dislike him. Phil always had this menacing look to him, he was creepy. He was also mean. He always turned down my mother's dinner invitations, he never came to any of Bella's school functions, not once did he ever attend an honors breakfast or chorus concert. Bella never spoke badly of him, but she didn't have too. Every time his name was brought in conversation the look in her eyes, held all the animosity that she felt. I knew she hated him.

The longer I thought about the possibility of Phil, the less it seemed like a _ possibility. _I knew in the back of my head that it was Phil who had put Bella through this, it was Phil that had drove Bella to suicide. My heart broke for her, I couldn't imagine how terrible he must've been to her for her to feel like death was the only escape. I sighed, and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Can we go see her?" My mother asked.

"Sure you can, follow me." The doctor replied.

_Bella's point of view:_

All I remember is blood. Blood was everywhere. I remember Tia coming into my room, and the blood curdling scream that erupted throughout the house. I remember falling into the blackness, as I ended my life.

I heard an annoying beeping sound, coming from somewhere in the room and hushed voices.

"_She nearly died, mom." _I knew that was the voice of my worried best friend Tia.

"_We almost lost her! If I hadn't walked in on her she would've-" _She trailed off into sobs.

I heard Tia's mom trying to comfort her. So I had obviously failed. The only thing that I wanted and I lost it. Now I have to face the disappointment of my closest friend. Now I have to face Phil. I could feel tears streaking down my cheeks. I slowly opened my eyes. I looked down at my arms. They were covered in white gauze.

Tia gasped and she rushed over to me.

"Oh Bella!" She sobbed. I shook my head at her, and looked away. I couldn't stand seeing her tears, knowing that I was the reason they were there. "I'm sorry" I choked out, just above a whisper. Tia's sobbing picked up.

Tia's mom was talking to the doctor. I picked out the words. "Suicidal," "Cutting," "Malnourished," and "Starving." All the words that would reveal my darkest secret. The doctor walked over to the side of my bed, he sat down his eyes were soft, and filled with kindness. "I preformed a routine exam on you, Isabella-" I cut him off mid sentence"it's Bella". He smiled sadly at me "Bella," he nodded.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" He asked softly, meeting my gaze. He gave me a knowing glance, my eyes widened in horror. _He knows. _I considered lying, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go down this road. I turned my head to the side, averting everyone's expecting eyes. The doctor took my lack of response, as a conformation. "You don't have to say anything, if you don't want to Bella." He whispered, the sympathy in his tone made me cringe. I didn't want his sympathy or anyone else's for that matter.

Tia reached out and grabbed my hand, she wrapped her fingers around mine giving me a reassuring squeeze. "Was it Phil?" She whispered. I shuddered at the sound of his name, I stayed quiet for a few moments, contemplating my next move. I could easily lie, blame my failed suicide attempt on some kind of depression. I could go back to life as I had already been living it, at home with Phil and his nightly sessions. Or I could tell the truth, and finally find an escape. Maybe I could live with Tia, or some other family away from Phil. A defeated sob escaped my lips, and I felt a pang of hope.

"Yes," I answered just above a whisper. Tia, and her mom gasped and I groaned inwardly. _What have I gotten myself into? _

"Bella is there anybody we can call for you?" Tia's mother - Kebi - asked. I thought for several moments, I didn't have any family aside from Phil. I had been astranged from my mother's side of the family for as long as I could remember so I knew I couldn't call them. _What about Charlie? _I wondered idly. Phil had cut off all my contact with my father years ago, but he was the only person I could think of.

"My dad," I told her.

"Do you have his number?"

I shook my head "no, but his name is Charlie Swan and I think that he lives in Forks, Washington."

"We can work with that," she smiled sadly. Kebi stood up, placing her lips softly against my forehead, and left the room with the doctor. Leaving Tia and I alone in the room. We were quiet for a few moments, I didn't know what to say. Tia absent mindedly stroked my hair with the tips of her fingers. "Why didn't you ever say anything?" She asked, finally breaking the silence.

"I couldn't say anything, not to you or anyone."

"Of course you could have said something to me!" She shouted, an angry undertone filled her voice. I rolled my eyes at her, "do you really think I could have Tia? That's not something that just rolls off the tongue in casual conversation!" I retorted.

Tia shook her head, slowly from side to side. "Bella, I'm so sorry."

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"For not noticing." She leaned over, tightly wrapping her arms around me. I could feel the tears welding up behind my eyes. "I think you should get help Bella."

"What do you mean?"

"You cut yourself" she began, and I averted her eyes "it's obvious that you've been starving yourself, you're beyond malnourished."

I shook my head frantically from side to side "I'm fine."

"You're not fine though!" She cried, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Don't you dare say that you're fine. I know you're not, and you need help."

_No_! No, I don't!" I argued.

"You're borderline anorexic, and you cut yourself! Bella, you need professional help!"

"No." I whispered. Tia started intently at me, I was disgusted with myself. I hated seeing her cry because of me. For a brief moment, I considered the possibility that she might be right, that maybe I did need help. Was I anorexic? I don't always eat, but I'm sure a lot of girls do that, right? Who actually eats three square meals a day? 99.9 percent of the population skips at least one meal. _I usually skip more than just one meal, though. _I thought to myself, I couldn't even remember the last time I ate a full meal without throwing it back up because of my fear of gaining weight.

If I got help I would have to stop cutting all together and I wasn't sure if I could to that. I had been reliant on it for so long now, it was hard to imagine my life without it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stop, frankly. I loved it just as much as I hated it.

"_Please Bella, I can't stand to see you do this to yourself." _She cried, burying her face in the space between my collar bone and neck. I couldn't stand seeing her like this, I was the broken one not her. I didn't want help, I didn't think I needed it either but if getting help was the only way to make Tia happy then I would do it. For her.

"Okay, Tia I'll get help." I whispered patting the back of her head with my hands. "I won't like it, but I'll do it."

"Just wait and see Bella, I have a good feeling about the future." She smiled up at me. "Love you, Tia."

"I love you too, Bells."


	5. Chapter 4

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter four.**

_One week later. _

I sat on the bed in my room, staring blankly at the wall in front of me. I had been at _Saint Luke's Behavioral Health Center_ for a week now. I hated it here, but it was better than being at home.

Kim walked into my room. "Come on Bella. It's time for group," she said. I rolled my eyes. The daily group discussions were probably what I hated most about this place. During group I usually just sit quietly and listen to the other patients talk about their problems, I didn't mind hear about their lives - it was intriguing. I hadn't muttered a word, and I didn't really plan on it either. Other people might be comfortable sharing their deepest secrets with a group of strangers but I wasn't.

I followed Kim out to the group area, and plopped down in my seat. I absent mindedly picked at my nails, tuning in and out of the conversations going on around me.

"Bella?" Kim said. I looked up at her.

"What?"

"You need to start talking to us, if you want to get out of here."

I stayed quiet, and continued picking at my nails.

"Tia would want you to talk to us."

I looked up, and glared at her. "You don't even know her, you don't know what she would want." Kim was right though, Tia really would want me to speak up. I frowned at the thought of Tia, I wanted to make her happy. I was only humoring her with this, I didn't think I needed help and I didn't really want it either.

"Why are you here Bella?"

"Shouldn't you know that already?"

"Just work with us Bella, the quicker you start talking about your problems the quicker you leave treatment."

I crossed my arms over my chest, I knew she was right. "I cut myself sometimes." I whispered, avoiding the eyes of the other kids in the group. I didn't want to see the sympathy in their eyes. "Are you suicidal?"

"I don't really think so," I answered honestly "I'm not now anyways." I hadn't cut in a week, and I was really craving it. My arms were still wrapped up in gauze, from my failed suicide attempt.

"What made you decide to end it all?"

I frowned, and stood up. "Look I really can't do this, I'm sorry." I pushed myself away from the table and rushed into my room. Thoughts of Phil clouded my mind, I saw his face in the back of my head, and I could feel his hands on my body. I shuddered, I hated thinking about Phil, and it seems like he's all I can ever think about unless I'm thinking about cutting. I was brought out of my thoughts by someone taping me on my shoulder. My therapist Jane smiled at me. I tried to smile back.

"Bella would you like to talk?"

"No not really." I grimaced. I liked Jane though, for the most part. She seemed nice enough, she reminded me of my mother a little bit which made me sad but I liked her anyways. Jane had this long dirty blonde hair, that she always wore in a low pony tail that hung over her shoulder. She had forest green eyes, and a soft caring smile. I liked Jane, but I didn't really want to talk to her. I didn't want to talk to anybody, to be honest.

"We don't have to talk about your problems. Let's talk about something else?"

I shrugged my shoulders, and sat back against the edge of my bed. Jane sighed and smiled at me. "What's your favorite color?"

"Blue" I responded.

"Really? Mine too."

"What's your favorite gem stone?" She asked.

"Emerald, what's the point in this?"

Jane shrugged. "I just thought I'd get to know you better."

"Can't you just pick up my file?" I asked with a bit more attitude than necessary.

Jane nodded slowly. "Yes, but that would just tell me things that I don't need to know. I don't want to know about your height and weight. I want to get to know you, and build a friendship with you, so that one day you'll trust me enough to tell me about your problems." She explained.

I looked at her skeptically for a moment. Jane stared back at me, I couldn't detect any sign of deceit in her eyes. "I just want to find the reasons why you do the things you do Bella. You can trust me."

"I cut myself because it makes me feel better. I don't know any other way to explain it."

"That's okay Bella. Why don't you tell me how old you were when you first started cutting?"

"I was 14," I began "my mom took her own life when I was 13. Her husband always beat us, they were together for years and after she died things got worse..." My voice broke a little on the end, and a tear rolled down my cheek. When I didn't say anything more, Jane smiled up at me. "You don't have to say anymore, if you don't want too. We can take this as slow as you like."

"Okay" I whispered.

"We'll talk again tomorrow?"

I nodded. Jane smiled and walked out. My food therapist Lucy walked into the room. She motioned with her hand for me to follow her. I groaned, and heaved myself off the bed. I followed Lucy into an office.

I sat down in a chair. Lucy did the same.

"Alright, Bella. Like I said yesterday, we are going to be re-building your relationship with food. We are going to start out with liquid foods and make our way up to solid foods." Lucy explained. She sat a bowl of soup in front of me.

"What do you want me to do with that?"

Lucy sighed. "Bella I want you to eat it,"

I eyed the soup. i looked just as good as it smelled. I remember liking chicken noodle soup at one point, my stomach growled. This was all too weird, I had grown so used to ignoring my hunger that I hardly ever felt it anymore, and even when I did I could still ignore it. I was scared to gain weight. Phil at always made comments about my fat, saying that I ate too much, and that I needed to lose weight. Eventually I got so tired of hearing him comment on my body, I just stopped eating all together.

I was scared to eat the soup, I couldn't stop thinking about the calories or the carbohydrates. I didn't want to gain any more weight, but I wanted to make my best friend happy.

"I can't do this" I muttered under my breath.

"I think you can," Lucy whispered. "You're scared of becoming over weight, right?"

I nodded in response. "There are ways you can maintain a healthy weight, and still involve food in your life. Not eating at all ins't the way to go. You just need to learn how to balance your life with exercise, and healthy eating habits."

I shrugged my shoulders, and started down at my stomach. "I just feel so... so _fat." _Lucy sighed loudly, and pulled me by my hand. She stood me in front of a full body mirror. "Lift your shirt," She ordered. I stared at her blankly. She stared back at me. After several moments, I let out a loud exasperated sigh and lifted up my shirt.

Lucy pointed to where my ribs were poking out. "Bella that's not normal, your ribs aren't suppose to stick out like that."

I sighed, running my fingers over my ribs and stomach. The longer I started at my reflection in the mirror, and suddenly everything became clear. _I'm anorexic. _I gazed at the scars along my stomach. They varied in color, length, and width. Some were wide, but short and a dark shade of purple while others were closer to white.

I didn't want to be that person any more. I didn't want to cut myself. I didn't want to starve myself to be skinny. I wanted to be healthy. I didn't realize that I was crying until Lucy embraced me in her arms. I dropped my shirt, and wrapped my arms around her torso.

"Bella, shh. You _will _get better." Lucy tried to sooth me.

I looked up at Lucy threw my tear soaked lashes. "You promise?"

Lucy nodded. "I promise."

I pulled away from Lucy, and took my seat. I eyed the bowl of soup for several minutes. I ran my fingers around the rim of the bowl. I thought about running away, and going back to my room. But that wouldn't help me get better. I just wanted to be healthy, and I guess it was up to me, to do that.

I picked up the bowl with two shaky hands. I brought the bowl to my lips, and I took a gulp of the soup. The hot liquid ran down my throat, I fought the urge to spit it out and run from the room. I took another gulp, and closed my eyes. Before I knew it the whole bowl was gone. I sat the bowl down. I looked up at Lucy, a triumphant smile on my face. _Maybe I'm going to get better. _

**Until my next update,**

**-raybabiieex3**


	6. Chapter 5

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter five.**

_One year later._

I gazed at myself in the mirror. I was a completely different person. The pass year had been _eventful _to say in the least. I ran my eyes over my new body, and I felt good about myself. My hair was long and in layers, my eyes sparkled with happiness. Which is something, I'll probably _never _get used too. I was content with how my body looked. I was a good 106 pounds. Jane says that is still a bit under weight, but I'm happy. I had picked up soccer, while I was in the hospital. I was actually rather good. I had finally found the balance between a healthy diet, and exercise.

I held up my arms, and ran my fingers over the scars. I lingered on the scars that got me here, the scars from my failed suicide attempt. I would like to say that I was completely healed, but that would be a lie. I still have nightmares every night. They all center around Phil, I shuddered. Thinking about him made my skin crawl. I couldn't help but feel dirty and used.

I couldn't understand how a person could be so sick. I hate him with every fiber of my being, because of him, I can't be a normal. Jane says I will probably never be able to be sexually intimate with someone. I knew that I wouldn't be able to have sex, and I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to.

Sighing, I turned away from the mirror. I looked through my suit case once more, double checking to make sure I had everything. When I was sure that I was ready I picked up my suit case, and walked out of the room. My eyes automatically began searching for Tia. I hadn't seen her in months. When my body started visibly being healthy, I told her to stop coming to see me. I wanted the new Bella to be a surprise. Tia's eyes met mine. I dropped my suit cases, and ran toward her. We embraced each other. I pulled her to my chest, and hugged her tight. Tia laughed.

"Your boobs got bigger," she smirked. I rolled my eyes at her stupidity. With the extra body fat on me, I ended up with breasts and a regular period.

"You look great Bells!" She exclaimed, causing me to blush a deep red.

We stared at each other for a few moments, then erupted into a fit of giggles. Tia's mom smiled at us, and picked up my suit case. Jane smiled sadly at me. I ran over to her, and threw myself into her arms.

I was going to miss her so much.

Over the year, Jane and I had built a strong and beautiful friendship. I grew to trust her with all of my darkest secrets, and deepest fears. I loved her. She was more than a therapist, she was like a mother to me.

Jane wrapped her arms around me. A few tears leaked out, and stained her shirt.

"I'm going to miss you," I mumbled.

"I know. I'll miss you too."

I nodded slowly.

"Bella, it's time for you to go. I'm just one phone call away. Call me if you ever need _anything. _I mean that."

I pulled away from her slightly. "Alright,"

Jane kissed my forehead. "Bye sweetie."

I smiled sadly at her. "Bye,"

I grabbed Tia's hand. She laced our fingers together. I turned around, and looked at Jane one last time. She had tears running down her cheeks, I waved at her. Tia, her mom and me walked out side.

"Are you excited to live with your dad?" Tia asked, when we started driving. I shrugged.

"I guess," I replied lamely. In all honesty I didn't know how I felt about going to live with Charlie and Emmett. I hadn't seen them in years. It was sure to be awkward. But I knew that living with them across the country was better for me. Even though Phil was in jail, I didn't feel safe being in the same state as him. In all honesty, I didn't feel safe being in the same universe as him.

Tia started going on about everything that I missed while I was away. I tuned her out. I thought about what my life would be like after I moved to Forks. Surely it couldn't be any worse than how it was before. I knew that Charlie and Emmett loved me. That much was obvious. When the hospital called them and told him what happened, they just about flew down to Phoenix at that very moment. According to Charlie, Emmett was the star quarter back of the Forks high football team, with the cliché girlfriend. Her name was Rosalie and she was head cheerleader. I already hated her.

I was some what nervous about starting school. I had finished my Sophomore year while I was in the hospital. So I was going to be starting my Junior year when school starts. I start school next Monday. It was going to be weird, not riding the bus to school with Tia. Emmett had just gotten his drivers license, and a new car so I was going to be going to school with him.

"Bella! Bella?" Tia's voice broke me out of my thoughts. She shook my shoulder lightly.

I blinked rapidly. "What?"

Tia sighed. "I said! 'You need to call me every single day!'"

I laughed. "I know,"

Tia's mom pulled up to the air port. Tia and I got out of the car. I jogged up to the front of the car.

"Bye Kebi," I said. Tears clouded my vision. I would miss Tia's mom just as much as I was going to miss Tia.

"Bye Bella. Be safe."

I nodded.

Tia pulled my hand along. We got my tickets and sat down, I wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm going to miss you! You better be signed on to Skype every night!"

"Same goes to you, I expect you to tell me about all the hot guys and which ones you like!"

"I'm not looking for a relationship!"

Tia shrugged. "You never know! You might find the love of your life or something!"

"I highly doubt that,"

Tia rolled her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something but the loud speaker interrupted her.

"_FLIGHT 23 TO SEATTLE IS NOW BOARDING!" _

I smiled sadly at Tia. "That's me,"

Tia pulled me into her arms. I wrapped my arms around her neck.

"I'm going to miss you so much!" She whispered.

"I know, me too!" I replied.

Tia let go of me. I kissed her on the cheek.

"Bye, girl. Love you," I said.

Tia nodded. "Bye! Call me when you find your soul mate!" She called while I was walking away.

"Sure," I called back; humoring her. I rolled my eyes.

"No seriously! You'll find him!" I heard her call right before I walked outside. I boarded the plane, and she was gone.

I sat down in my first class seat. I looked out the window, as the city of Phoenix disappeared. Sighing I pulled my ipod from my pocket. I closed my eyes as I let '_Relient K ' _over take my senses.

'_I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity.  
I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key.  
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me.  
And even though there's no way of knowing where to go.'_

The plane ride went by slower than I hoped it would. After what it felt like years, I hobbled my way off the plane. I grabbed my suit case from the converter belt. My eyes searching for Charlie or Emmett. My eyes landed on a sign that read '_Jingle Bells, Let's go to Taco Bella!' _I looked at the person holding the sign. He was huge! He had brown curly hair, that resembled my own and my exact brown eyes. Our gazes locked. The boy smiled at me. His dimples caused realization to wash through me. _Emmett. _

I smiled back at him. I couldn't believe how different he looked! Em wasn't wearing his glasses, or a geeky T shirt. Instead he was wearing a plain white T shirt. He had on black air force ones, and a pair of washed out jeans.

"EMMEY!" I squealed as I threw myself into his arms. He caught me and squeezed me tight against his chest. I instantly felt safe. Like no one - not even Phil - could hurt me.

_Emmett's point of view:_

I waited anxiously for Bella's plane to land, I couldn't wait to see her again. I hated that it had to be on these circumstances though. I could kill Phil, I really could. The thought of any grow man touching a young girl like that made me see red. I couldn't understand how someone could be that sick.

When her plane landed I stood up with my sign. I held it high in the air, and searched for her face in the crowd. When I saw her a bit shit eating grin spread across my face. I laughed quietly to myself, when she grimaced. She obviously had read the sign. Her eyes met mine, and the grimace was re-placed with a smile. Her eyes wide with shock and excitement as she ran over to me.

"EMMEY!" She squealed with excitement. Bella dropped her suit cases and threw herself into my arms. I wrapped my arms around her, and squeezed her tight against my chest. Bella was home and in my arms where she was safe.

_Bella's point of view:_

I nuzzled my face into his neck. "I missed you Jingle Bells!"

"I hate it when you call me _that," _I growled when Emmett released me. Emmett laughed his loud booming laugh.

_Some things never change. _I thought.

"Whatever, Bellsy." He grinned. Emmett picked up my suit case and led me outside. "Should I be scared that I have to spend three hours with you in a car?"

"Hell yes!" He shouted, while he drove out of the airport parking lot.

"So you hungry? You had a long flight."

"No, not really." I answered. Emmett shot me a wary look.

"Bella…" He said warningly. I glared at him.

"Emmett!" I whined.

"Bells you should eat something,"

I eyed Emmett in disbelief.

_You've got to be kidding me! _I thought to myself.

"You don't have to eat much, just like a bag of chips or something." He said pleadingly. My gaze on him softened. Despite his tough exterior, he was still the same big teddy bear, with the caring and kind personality.

"Okay, I'll get some fries and a shake from McDonalds?" I suggested.

Emmett nodded. "Thanks. Bells, I'm just worried about you! You have no clue how scared I was when I found out."

"You were scared?"

Emmett glared at me. Disbelief and shock clouded his features. "Of course I was!"I looked down at my lap, and twisted my fingers nervously.

"I love you Bella. You're my baby sister." Em told me in a soft caring tone.

I nodded slowly. I lifted my head to meet his gaze. "I know. I love you too."

Emmett grinned at me.

The rest of the ride down to Forks was humorous and fun. Em and I avoided things that would make the ride tense. We both knew that we'd have to talk about my recovery, and the events that led to me being in the hospital. I didn't know how I felt about that. After a year I _still _wasn't comfortable talking about those experiences. Even Jane doesn't know exactly what went down with Phil. Every time I tried to tell her, I ended up going into hysterics. But Jane did know more about my story than any other person. Just not the details of it.

I munched on my fries. I was still sensitive about food, and conscious about my body but I always pushed those thoughts aside. To everybody's surprise including my own, I have built a _very_ healthy relationship with food. I frowned at my scars, I hated them. They were constant reminders of Phil and the pain he caused me. No matter how hard I try to forget, these scars replay everything that he did to me. I still struggle with cutting, it's easier to deal with on some days than others though. I'm not sure how I manage to keep myself from doing it when the waves of depression roll in.

I had went a year with out cutting, and I was proud of myself. I kept my promise to Tia, which had been my main goal.

I'm not good at dealing with my emotions. Especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I scratched at my arm. My manicured nails leaving red marks along my skin. This was something I did un-consciously when ever I felt the urge to cut. Sometimes it breaks the skin.

Emmett caught what I was doing out of the corner of his eye. His hand stopped my frantic scratching.

"Bella stop, you don't have to do that anymore."

I looked at Emmett quizzically.

"Jane told me and dad that you sometimes scratch at your skin when you feel the urge to…to… to ya know…_cut_." He choked on the word cut.

I curled my hands into a fist. I looked down at my thighs in shame. I wouldn't meet Emmett's intense gaze. He lifted my chin up with his hand, tears pooled in my eyes.

"Don't feel bad Bella, I won't judge you. Neither will dad." Em reassured me.

I nodded slowly.

Moments later Em pulled into a drive way. I looked at the house. It was vaguely familiar. It still looked the same as it did before I moved away. I got out of the car, and Emmett grabbed my suit cases from the back. I followed him into the house.

Charlie and Emmett still lived in the same three bed room house that Charlie and my mom bought in the early days of their marriage. I winced at the thought of my mother. She was a touchy subject. I never thought about her. If I did, I would surely relapse.

Emmett brought my stuff up to my new room. "Me and Dad picked out the bed stuff and shit. You like purple right?"

I laughed. "Yeah, purples nice."

Em laughed with me. "Alright. Dad'll be home soon. Meet me down stairs when you're done."

I smiled and nodded. Em kissed me on the forehead before walking out of my room. I plopped down in my new bed. I wallowed in the sea of violet. I looked around my room. It was pretty much the same as I remembered it. The only thing that was different was the desk with a lap top on it.

I quickly un-packed my clothes. When I was done I smiled slightly to myself as I walked down stairs.

I was home at last.

**Until my next update,**

**-raybabiieex3**


	7. Chapter 6

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter six.**

The weekend passed by quicker than my liking. I wasn't really in the mood for school. I wasn't in the mood to do much of anything. I was exhausted. Last night I couldn't sleep at all, then when I finally fell asleep I ended up waking up screaming because of another nightmare.

I groaned when my alarm clock went off. I hit the snooze button five times before reluctantly rolling out of bed. I searched around for my phone. When I found it I sent a quick text to Tia.

_If I have to wake up, so do you! What time is it there anyways?_

_-B xoxo_

After I sent her the text I sat my phone on the night stand. I stood up slowly, and grabbed my bag of toiletries before making my way over to the bathroom. I took a quick shower. When I was finished I wrapped a towel around my body and gazed at my face in the mirror.

_Should I wear make up? _I asked myself.

I pondered the answer for a few moments, and decided yes. I should wear make up. I applied a thin amount of black eyeliner on the top and bottom, and a few layers of mascara. Satisfied with my make up I sprinted back to my room.

I plugged in my straightener, and plugged my ipod in the jack and danced around to the music. I pulled on a pair of dark washed skinny jeans, and a long sleeved shirt. I put a dark brown belt, I quickly pulled on my beat up black chucks. I brushed out my hair. When the straightener was hot I straightened my hair quickly. I un-plugged it, and threw it on my bed. I grinned at myself in the mirror. I turned around and picked up my phone.

_It's the same time in Arizona, and WA genius._

_-Tia_

I quickly typed a reply, and stuffed my phone in my pocket. I grabbed my ipod off the jack, and quickly plugged in a pair of ear phones. I grabbed my books, and rushed down stairs. Emmett was sitting at the kitchen table devouring a bowl of cereal.

I went to the cupboard and got a granola bar. Emmett grinned at me. I grinned back. I was glad that Emmett and mines relationship hadn't changed. I was worried that he would look at me differently after I told him and Charlie about my old life. Of course I didn't tell them everything. I probably wasn't ever going to tell anybody _everything. _

I munched on my granola bar. Emmett and I sat in a comfortable silence. He broke it first.

"If anybody gives you trouble you just come and get me!" Emmett said with his mouth full. I laughed and nodded.

Emmett swallowed his food before speaking again. "No seriously."

I laughed again. "I'm almost seventeen I can take care of myself."

Em rolled his eyes. "That doesn't mean I can't beat up jerk off that mess with you."

I rolled my eyes. "Ok, Em. Whatever floats your boat."

Emmett and I finished out breakfasts and we rushed out to his massive jeep. I turned the volume up on my ipod. I tapped my fingers along with the beat of the music.

I thought about what would happen at school. I knew that I'd make friends. Emmett had already told the people in his clique about me moving down here. I was nervous. I wasn't really a clique girl. I never was. The only group I was with was Tia and Sam. I don't think our little group of three counted as a clique. Thinking about them made my heart wrench. I really missed Tia and Sam.

Minutes later we arrived in the school parking lot. He parked next to a red shiny convertible BMW. It looked like an M3. I wasn't really in to cars though, so I wasn't sure. Next to the BMW, was a canary yellow 911 turbo Porche. It was sexy and sleek. I'd love to take that baby for a drive. Next to the Porche was an ugly silver Volvo.

"We're kinda late, so everybody is in class." Em told me when we were out of the car.

"M'kay."

"Do you want me to go with you to get your schedule?"

I groaned. "I'm a big girl. Please stop treating me like I'm going to explode at any giving moment."

"Bella can you blame me for worrying?"

I shrugged "I guess not."

Em pulled me into a hug "I love you Bells."

"Love ya!"

Em released me, and ruffled my hair. "See you at lunch Jingle Bells."

I shot Em a death glare but didn't say anything. "See ya!" I called over my shoulder, and stormed away. I walked up to a door that had a sign that read 'FRONT OFFICE' in big gold letters on it. I walked in. The office was a lot smaller than the one in Phoenix. The building was also warmer than I was used too. The school back home had air conditioning. But considering that it's the ice age outside, air conditioning wasn't really needed.

The front desk was long and covered with flyers and baskets full of papers. Behind the front desk was two other small desks. One of which a small lady with red hair sat behind. I coughed to acknowledge my presence. The woman looked up at me. I smiled.

"How may I help you?" She asked in kind voice.

"I'm Isabella Swan," I informed her.

"Of course," The woman began searching threw files stacks of files on her desk until she found the ones she was looking for.

"I have your schedule right here, and a map of the school." She brought several sheets to the counter to show me.

She pointed out where each of the class rooms were and highlighted each easiest route on the map. She also handed me a slip that I was to have signed by each teacher and brought back at the end of the day. The woman smiled and wished me good luck on my first day. I smiled back and thanked her.

I looked down at my schedule. I had Geometry first. _Great. _Math was sure to be a total buzz kill with out Tia and Sam. I sighed sadly as I searched for the room. As I was looking, a tall gangly boy with black greasy hair walked over to me.

"Hey! I'm Erick." He said.

"Bella," I answered.

"You're new here right?"

I nodded slowly.

"What class are you headed too?" He asked. I glanced down at my schedule.

"Geometry with Varner,"

Erick nodded. "Come on, this way."

I followed Erick to Mr. Varner's class. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Emmett walking down the hall with a blonde chick on his arm. I guessed that she was the infamous Rosalie. As he strode pass me he kicked me in the butt with the tip of his shoe, I glared at him before flicking his ear.

"You're acquainted with Emmett Swan?" He murmured in disbelief. I nodded, "yeah he's my older brother."

Erick gulped. "What?" I pondered.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Emmett Swan is practically royalty here, he and his clique are un-touchable. I can't believe _you're _his sister!"

"Um thanks, I guess. What's the deal with my brother's clique?" I asked as we walked into class. He motioned with his hand for me to sit down in a desk. He sat at the desk opposite of mine.

"The group consists of five people," he began "Rosalie Hale, she's Emmett's girl; all of the girls want to be her, and all of the boys want to be with her. She's arguably the prettiest girl at Forks High. Then you have Jasper Whitlock, Alice Cullen, and the infamous Edward Cullen."

I nodded to let him know that I was paying attention.

"Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper are all seniors. Jasper is taken by the lovely Alice Cullen, who's Edward Cullen's twin. They're both juniors. Edward is - for lack of a better word - a complete asshat. Total player, he has a new girl on his arm every week. Every girl in this place drools over him, he's a God in their eyes. He's "amazing"." Erick used air quotes around the word amazing.

"What do mean 'amazing'?" I asked.

"Amazing like his perfect grades, movie star good looks and his fathers money."

I scoffed, "he sounds like a complete dick if ya ask me. I hate people like that."

"I do too," Erick agreed.

I smiled genuinely. "This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"I couldn't agree more."

The rest of Geometry passed by quickly. It appeared that Erick and I had almost all of the same classes. During Physics Erick introduced me to the rest of his group. Angela Webber seemed like a really nice girl, she was quite shy, and timid but I liked her, she seemed wonderful. Jessica Stanley was alright, even though she's a complete air head. The word on the street was that she dated on and off with one of Erick's best friends - Mike Newton, who kept violating me with his eyes.

Erick's other best friend was Tyler Crowley, Tyler was apparently going out with Lauren Mallory. She kept shooting death glares at me from across the table, while mumbling things under her breath. _She could be Tanya's twin. _I thought to myself.

Horse laugh? _Check._

Annoyingly shrill nasal voice? _Check. _

Overly expensive clothes that are too tight? _Check._

I could feel her eyes on me as I talked with Angela, and Jessica. On impulse I turned, and smiled a sickly sweet smile at her, which seemed to anger her, her eyes narrowing; the phrase "if looks could kill" ran through my mind. I fought the urge to laugh as I turned away from her, flipping my hair over my shoulder.

When the bell rang, I walked to lunch with Angela and Jessica. I really liked them, they were both on the girls soccer team.

"So what's it like an Arizona?" Jess asked me while we stopped at my locker. I shrugged.

"It's _super_ hot, and it never rains." I told her. I grabbed my phone and some money out of my locker and shut it.

I stuffed the cash and my phone in my pocket.

"That must be nice," Angie commented.

I nodded in agreement. "You have no idea."

"Do you have a boyfriend back home?" Jess asked, her eyes twinkling.

I laughed. "No, I don't really date. My friend Tia tried to set me up with this guy named Sam, but it just didn't work. We're still best friends though." I wrinkled my nose as I remembered Tia forcing me to go on a date with Sam during the early years of our friendship.

Angie and Jess laughed as we walked into the cafeteria. From the corner of my eye I noticed Emmett sprinting toward us, a grin on his face.

"Hello ladies," He said in a smooth voice. The girls swooned. I just looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Hey," Jess said quietly.

"Em what the do you want?" I groaned.

"Come on Jingle Bells, lighten up." I flicked him on the forehead. He laughed and swung me over his shoulder.

"PUT ME DOWN YOU BIG OAF!" I yelled, beating his back with my fists.

"She'll talk to you later girls," I heard Em tell Jess and Angie.

Emmett started walking towards his table. He swung me around, and plopped me down in a chair next to a tiny pixie looking girl.

"Stop treating me like a sac of potatoes!" I growled angrily.

"Whatever Jingle Bells," Em snickered, and I shot him a death glare.

"This is my little sister, Bella." He introduced me to the table. The small pixie girl, that Emmett sat me next to smiled widely at me.

"Hi! I'm Alice! I know we're going to be great friends." She said, I smiled weakly at her.

Alice was very pretty. Her hair was a dark brown color, that was almost close to black. It was styled in a short bob that spiked out at the ends. She had soft brown colored eyes, that looked almost hazel with tiny flicks of green around the irises. She had a very slim, petite waist, and soft pale skin.

There was a boy sitting next to her with his arm draping over her shoulders. I guessed that he was Jasper. He had rough looking tan skin, and a beautiful smile. His eyes were a bright, striking shade of blue, and he had sandy blonde hair that sometimes got in the way of his eyes. He smiled at me, "Hello, darlin' I'm Jasper." he introduced himself. I smiled back and him.

I noticed a beautiful blonde sitting on Emmett's lap, and my jaw dropped. She was easily the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on, I was instantly jealous and intimidated by her beauty. She had long blonde curly locks that fell gracefully down her back, and a pair of breathtaking ice blue eyes. Her skin was pale, and soft looking but still gorgeous. Her body was absolutely glorious, and I instantly felt inadequate. She looked as if she could be on the cover of a magazine listed as Hollywood's most beautiful female celebrity. I assumed instantly that she must be no one other than Rosalie Hale, my brother's girlfriend.

I glanced around the table, my eyes nearly popping out of my head when I noticed the man sitting across from my bother.

He was beautiful. He had a strong jaw line, and pale white skin that looked like it would feel like pure satin beneath my finger tips. His hair was a beautiful disheveled mess of bronze locks, it looked silky and lush, like the kind of hair a woman would run her fingers through in the passionate throws of sex. From what I could see he had a nice body, it seemed to be built, and firm; not quite as bulky as my muscle head brother but still toned. His eyes were stunning, breathtaking even, they were the deepest, and brightest shade of green that I had ever seen, they resembled emeralds.

As if he sensed my intense stare he glanced over at me, we made eye contact for a brief moment, before I blushed and looked down at the table. _Holy hell._ I thought to myself. _He must be Edward Cullen. _I could see why he would have every girl in the Forks High School student body falling at his feet, he was gorgeous, and he knew it. I could tell by the way he sat there running his fingers through is hair, flashing that crooked smile. He was well aware of his beauty, and he wasn't afraid of sharing that with the whole world. His arrogance seemed to roll off of him in waves, taking away his appeal.

"Bella why don't you eat something," Emmett suggested sternly.

"Em, I'm fine." I said coolly.

"Bella…"

"Emmett!" I whined.

"Eat." He commanded.

"Not when you're demanding like that!"

My brother death glared at me from his seat across the table. I shook my head in disbelief, embarrassment flooded my veins causing me to blush a deep red. Without meeting his gaze I stood up from the table. I turned to the rest of the group "It was nice to meet you," with that I stormed out of the cafeteria.

I rushed to the bath room and pulled out my phone.

I quickly texted Tia.

_I could kill Emmett!  
-B_

Tia replied instantly.

_What happened?  
__-T_

I sighed angrily.

_He's treating me like a child, like I'm going to combust and relapse! It's embarrassing, and it's really giving me anxiety. It makes me want to… to ya know.  
__-B_

To my intense surprise my phone began ringing, playing Tia's ringtone. "Tia?" I answered the phone hesitantly.

"_Isabella Marie! Don't you even __**think**__ about doing that!"_ She shouted into the phone.

"Tia chill! I won't, I'm just so angry. He's acting like I'm going to break."

"_Bell, can you blame him for being worried? _She asked. _"I mean, I'm worried sick. I have no idea if you're going to be okay." _

"It's different with you!" I whined.

"_How? He's your brother! I'm basically your sister." _

I opened my mouth to say something, but she cut me off.

"_Don't you __**dare**__ say that it's different because I found you. It's not. Stop giving Em a hard time." _

I didn't say anything.

"_What's wrong?" _Tia's voice was frantic on the other end.

"I dunno, it's just I miss you and Sam. It's not the same with out you and I'm having the nightmare still and I always feel like I need to cut and I've never hungry. I just.. I just I feel so overwhelmed." Irrational tears pooled in my eyes.

"_Oh sweetie! It'll get better. I promise. Just keep your head up. Phil's gone. He can't get you." _

The tears fell over, and streamed down my cheeks.

"I _know _all that but it doesn't stop me from being _terrified _at every second of the day!" I choked out between my tears.

"_You'll be okay, look I have to go. I'll call you later!"_

"Okay, wait how are you calling me anyways?"

Tia laughed. _"I was in the bathroom when you texted me." _

I laughed too. I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand.

"I'll let you go back to class. Love you."

"_Love you, too. Bye." _

"Bye," I hung up the phone. I looked in the mirror. I frowned. My make up was running. I wetted a paper towel and cleaned myself up. With phone in hand, I walked out of the bathroom. I was looking down at the ground when I collided with what felt like was a brick wall. I stumbled backward and fell on my ass.

"Are you alright?" A musical voice asked me. I looked up, my eyes meeting the sparkling green eyes of Edward Cullen. He held out his hand for me, so I could stand up but I ignored him.

I nodded. "I'm fine," and stood up.

"You should talk to Em, he's worried about you." Edward suggested.

"Yeah, sure." I mumbled and walked away quickly. Wiping at my eyes, as I fought the urge to cry some more, curl up into a ball and cut myself till I bled to death.

**Until my next update,**

**-raybabiieex3**


	8. Chapter 7

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter seven.**

I rushed out of the building without taking a look back. Running over to Emmett's jeep, I tried to talk myself out of cutting. I ripped open the door. It didn't surprise me that his door was un-locked. The stupid fucker tended to forget mundane things like that. I plopped down in the drivers seat. I rested my head on the steering wheel. Tears leaked from my eyes for the second time today. I made no attempt to stop them.

I sat in Emmett's jeep and cried. I was fighting the urge to break something and cut myself. I could surely find something in here I could use. I really needed it.

_No! _I screamed at myself. I couldn't. I couldn't do this again. I'm getting better. I haven't cut in a year. I can do this.

_Just one time. Nobody will know. _I argued with myself internally.

"UGH!" I shouted. I slammed my head against his steering wheel. I didn't know what had gotten into me.

I can't relapse. I promised too many people. I promised Tia. I promised Emmett. I promised Charlie. What would they think of me if I started cutting again? Surely they would hate me. They would be repulsed with me. _They probably are now. _I thought to myself. _They would be better off with out me._

"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" I shouted angrily. _No! They care. They would all miss you if you died. _I told myself. I found it hard to believe.

Where was Jane when I needed her? I frantically dialed Jane's number.

"_Hello?" _Her voice answered.

"Jane!" I cried. I missed her hugs. I missed her words of encouragement. I missed the way her perfume smelled. I missed Jane.

"_Bella? What's wrong?" _Her voice was frantic, and thick with worry.

"I can't stop crying! I almost cut again, and I keep telling myself that the world would be better with out me. I'm scared. I don't want to hurt people by hurting myself, but I just _need _to!" I explained. I did my best to keep my voice from shaking.

"_Oh Bella! Listen to me. Take a deep breath." _Jane instructed. I did as she asked. It didn't make me feel better.

"_Now. I want you to think rationally. Just because you are feeling all of this emotional pain doesn't mean you need to make it physical. I know that is how you deal with the emotional pain, but you can't cope that way. Why don't you try listening to music?" _

I blinked rapidly, as I slowly came to my senses. Jane was right. I didn't need to deal with my pain this way. I need to cope with it in a healthy way. A way that allows me to relive myself of all this emotional pain in a good way. My sobbing slowly turned into silent tears.

"Jane, I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't know anything any more. I don't know how I'm feeling. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I'm still having the nightmare!"

Jane sighed into the phone. _"Bella how many times do I have to tell you? Phil will never hurt you again. He's locked up in a cell with guards. He can't get to you, especially now that you're in Forks. Do you think that Emmett or your father would let anything happen to you?" _

"No, but it scares me that I can't forget him. Plus, Emmett is treating me different! Like sometimes I'm just actually _not _hungry but he gets on the defensive and it's so irritating. It's like he doesn't trust me. When he acts like that, I makes me _want _to relapse. Just to actually give him a real reason to worry."

"_Bella. You have to look at things in his perspective. His little sister had been beat and raped for years, which caused her to be anorexic and resulted in self mutilation. He's worried constantly that you'll fall back into old habits because of the immense amounts of pain you're in. Then he sees you not eating, and he gets overly worried. Cut him some slack. He loves you." _

I sighed. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my index finger and thumb.

"I know Jane. It's just really hard, especially with out you and Tia. I'm just so overwhelmed, and cutting is what I do when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I was being stupid earlier."

"_Bella you weren't being stupid. You've been through a lot, and you are doing a tremendous job. I love you so much Bella. You are such a strong young woman." _

"I love you too, Jane. Thank you for everything."

"_You're welcome. Now you should be in class! Hop to it missy." _Jane ordered in a playful tone, but I knew she was still being serious.

I heard the car door open. Em was standing there with a frantic expression on his face. I smiled sadly at him.

"Bye Jane, thanks so much for talking me out of it."

"_Bye sweetie. Be strong." _

"I will," I hung up the phone, and threw myself into Emmett's arms.

I chanted 'I'm sorry' over and over. I felt a new stream of tears coming on.

Emmett squeezed me tightly against his chest. "It's okay, it's okay. Shh." He tried to comfort me as I cried into his neck.

I heard Emmett shut the car door. I wrapped my legs around Emmett's waist and I clung to him for dear life. Emmett cradled me in his arms as if I was still a toddler. This reminded me of when we were little and I'd be crying he'd come up to me and hug me until I stopped crying. The only difference now is that, he's strong enough to pick me up.

When my tears subsided Emmett put me down. He kissed me on the forehead.

"Are you okay?" He asked sternly.

I nodded. "I guess, I talked to Jane and Tia."

Em smiled fondly at me "you didn't do anything?"

I smiled triumphantly back at him "no."

**Edward's point of view. (Right before lunch)**

I walked to the cafeteria with Emmett. My thoughts clouded by the new girl. I had seen her in the hallway today and she was delicious. I only saw a glimpse of her, but I knew I wanted her.

I had been with pretty much every girl in Forks high, some were better than others, but when it came down to it, I had yet to find a girl in this building who couldn't satisfy me in some way.

"Em you seen the new girl?" I asked. "Dude, she's fucking hot. I'm totally going for it."

Emmett growled and threw me up against a locker. "Stay away from my baby sister!"

It felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. "Your _sister_?" I shouted.

"I swear to god, if you fuck with her I'll kill you."

I nodded vigorously. "My bad man, I had no I idea!"

"I love ya bro, but I love my baby sister more."

"I totally get it, I mean Alice is _my _baby sister."

Emmett sighed and released me. "Sorry dude, I'm just touchy when it comes to her."

I clapped him on the shoulder. "It's fine, I mean Alice is my baby sister so I've been there. 'Sides, I didn't know she was your sister."

Em laughed. "Yeah just remember stay away from her. I know how you are."

"How I am?"

"Dude you're a fucking man whore."

A man whore? I shrugged. "Whatever," if being a man whore meant that I was looked at as a God by pretty much every female at Forks High, I couldn't bring myself to care.

Em and I walked into the cafeteria, and took our seats at our table. Lauren Mallory winked at me from across the room, but I ignored her. I couldn't understand what that girl didn't seem to get about "leave me alone." It seemed like a pretty easy concept to me. I let her give me head in the girls bathroom a few weeks ago, ever since then she's been following me around school like a lost puppy. The head was nice and all, but that doesn't mean I want anything to do with her, and yet the girl still intended on stalking me.

I heard Emmett's chair screech as he got up. I watched as he sprinted toward three girls. I recognized them as Angela Webber, Jessica Stanley and Emmett's sister. Who's name I still didn't know.

Angela was probably the only girl I hadn't been with in this school. Normally I would've made advances toward her, but there was something about her that made me stay away. I didn't want to corrupt her innocence. She was _too_ nice of a girl for me. Hell I knew I treated girls like shit. I don't really care all too much though, because if they're stupid enough to give it up to me then why should I care? I'm not obligated to respect any girl who can't even respect herself.

I looked over Emmett's sister. She was absolutely stunning, the prettiest girl I had ever laid my eyes on hands down. I laughed when Emmett picked her up by her waist and swung her over his shoulder, her tiny squeal echoed off the walls of the cafeteria.

"PUT ME DOWN YOU BIG OAF!" She shouted, and pounded her tiny fists on his back. Alice and Jasper laughed at the sight. Rosalie sighed, shaking her head at Emmett's childlike behavior. I guessed that Emmett and his sister were close. He never really talked about her before, at least not until recently. I knew that Emmett had a sister coming to live here. I had no idea his sister would be the gorgeous creature across the room. The way Emmett had talked about her, you'd think that she was ten years old, not sixteen.

Laughing loudly, Emmett swung her around, and sat her down next to Alice. "Stop treating me like a sac of potatoes!" She huffed, angrily. The look of pure rage on her face made me smile, she was adorable.

"Whatever Jingle Bells," Em replied. Bella closed her eyes and cracked her knuckles. She opened her eyes, and shot a look at Emmett. The term 'if looks could kill' bounced around my mind, Emmett leaned back a bit.

I could now see her up close. I couldn't find words to describe her beauty. She hand long mahogany hair that flowed around her heart shaped face, it hung shiny and straight to just below her bust line. She had lovely plump lips, her bottom fuller than the top; which only made them more appealing. I wondered if they would feel just as soft as they looked. I wondered what it would feel like to have our lips moving in synchronization.

From what I could see she had a very petite and sexy body. Her black skinny jeans hugged and complemented her ass nicely, and her tight fitting shirt showed off her sexy curves.

Her eyes were the most entrancing thing about her. They were deep pools of chocolate brown. Normally I thought that brown eyes were lifeless and plain but hers held _something._ I could tell spot on that she probably wasn't like any other girl I had ever met just from looking at her eyes.

"This is my little sister Bella," Emmett introduced her to the table, shooting a glare at me. Alice smiled at Bella. "Hi! I'm Alice! I know we're going to be great friends." Bella smiled weakly back at my sister. I felt someone's eyes on me. I looked up, and I was met with Bella's intense stare. She blushed and looked down. I smiled slightly. That blush made her look even more desirable. Her name fit her perfectly. She really was beautiful.

"Bella why don't you eat something?" Emmett suggested. His voice was firm, bossy even.

"Em, I'm fine." She said coolly.

Emmett grimaced. "Bella…" he said in a warning tone.

"Emmett!" She spat her voice was sharp with anger.

"Eat." Emmett commanded her.

"Not when you're demanding like that!"

Emmett death glared at her from his seat across the table. She shook her head in disbelief, blushing a deep red. She stood up from the table "it was nice to meet you," she addressed the whole group and stormed from the cafeteria.

"Shit!" Emmett groaned, hanging his head in his hands.

"What was that about?" Rose asked, placing a comforting hand on Emmett's shoulder.

"Nothing," He whispered.

"It doesn't look like nothing," Alice commented.

"I'm just worried about her," he replied in a detached voice. My heart wrenched as the big brother side of me felt for Emmett. The way he looked at his sister, reminded me of the way I looked at Alice. He'd do anything to protect her. I instantly felt guilty for the overwhelming desire I felt for Bella.

The bell rang, and we all got up to go to our classes. I stopped at my locker to grab my books, and could hear Bella's voice as I walked pass the girls bathroom.

_"I know all that but it doesn't stop me from being terrified at every second of the day!" _shesobbed.

I wondered who she was talking to, her boyfriend perhaps? I had no idea. I felt an overwhelming urge to comfort her, I wondered what she was so terrified about.

"_Okay, wait. How are you calling me anyways?" _Bella asked. She sounded like she was getting a hold on her tears.

Bella laughed, and sniffled.

"_I'll let you get back to class. Love you." _she said.

I heard Bella snap her phone shut, blow her nose and sigh deeply. It appeared that she wasn't paying much attention to where she was walking as she stepped out of the bathroom because she collided with my chest, stumbling backwards, falling straight on her ass.

"Are you alright?" I asked, holding my hand out for her. She looked up, and nodded. "I'm fine," she grabbed her phone and stood up, ignoring my out reached hand.

My eyes racked over her body. _She's breathtaking. _I thought to myself. "You should talk to Em, he's worried about you." I suggested.

"Yeah, sure." She mumbled and walked away. I tired not to stare at her ass as she walked away. She seemed like a complete bitch, I didn't get why I still wanted her. However, there were three things of which I was absolutely positive:

First, Bella was completely sexy.

Second, there was a part of me and I didn't know how dominate that part might be, that wanted to fuck her senseless.

And third, Emmett was going to kill me when he finds out.

Well _shit. _


	9. Chapter 8

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter eight.**

_Phil stalked toward me with that same menacing smile on his face. __I screamed and begged for help that I knew would never come. I fought violently against his touch, shuddering as he ravished my body. "No! No! No!" I shrieked. "Phil, please! Stop it, please." My chest heaved with the intensity my sobs. "I love it when you beg." He drawled out his eyes travelling down my exposed body. "It gets me so fucking hard," he continued. He snatched my hand and brought it down to his throbbing erection. I fought against his grip but he was too strong for me. "Look at what you do to me," he purred. "God, Isabella. You turn me on so much." _

_"Why are you doing this to me?" I whimpered, I shrank away from his touch. He chuckled darkly. "Why am I doing this to you?" He licked and nipped the inside of my ear. "Who else is going to take care of my needs?" He whispered, his hot breath fanned out and tickled my neck. It made me sick. I jumped in surprise when I felt his hand dance down my torso, and fondle the folds between my legs. Quickly I snapped them shut, but he only pried them open again._

_"Uh, uh, uh." He reprimanded me. "Come now Isabella, haven't we been through this before." He whispered in that sickly sweet voice of his. "Why can't you stop fighting this, I know you want me too." I shook my head franticly from side to side. "PLEASE PHIL STOP!" I begged, hot wet tears rolled down my cheeks. He shuddered as he lined his cock up against my entrance. "I love it when you say my name." I screamed out in pain as he pushed into me._

Sobs crashed through my body, and I shot up out of bed. "EMMETT! DADDY!" I wailed. I clutched at my sides to keep myself together. Charlie and Emmett burst into my room.

They were at my side in an instant. Charlie wrapped his arms around me. I sobbed into his chest. Emmett rubbed my arm, as he tried to comfort me.

"I was so scared." I cried.

"Bella, shh. He can't get you. He's in jail." Charlie whispered. He rocked my back and forth as I cried. Eventually my sobbing turned into silent tears and then I stopped all together. I sighed deeply and wiped my eyes with the back of my hands.

"Are you okay?" Emmett asked urgently.

I snuggled into my father's warm embrace. His hold on me tightened. "I don't know." I whispered.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Charlie asked.

I clung to Charlie. "Not really, no."

Emmett sighed. He pulled my computer chair up to the edge of my bed. He rubbed circles on my foot.

"Bells remember what Jane said. You need to talk about these dreams," Emmett reminded me. His voice shook.

I sighed and looked at him knowingly. "I know, but I can't right now." My father and brother were silent for a few moments. "Please don't make me talk about this right now, _I just can't."_

Charlie nodded silently, and kissed the top of my forehead. "Alright honey, you don't have to talk about it now," he whispered. I breathed a sigh of relief. "Just try and get some sleep, okay?" I nodded. After a few seconds he released me from his arms, and stood up. He ran his fingers through my hair before turning to walk out of the room. Emmett turned to follow him, but I grabbed him by his hand. "Emmey, please don't leave me." I begged. He turned around, and crawled into bed with me. "I won't leave you Bells."

He wrapped his arms around me, and I snuggled into his tight embrace. With my brother's arms wrapped tightly around me, I finally felt safe.

When I woke up the next morning I heard the muffled voices of Charlie and Emmett in my room. I kept my eyes shut and feigned sleep, as I listened to their conversation.

"_I could kill that bastard!"_ Emmett said in a hushed tone.

"_Emmett,"_ Charlie scolded him.

"_What? Dad, you mean you don't want to get your hands on that disgusting prick?" _

Charlie sighed. _"Of course I do, but that doesn't mean I use nasty language."_

"_What are we going to do?" _Em whispered. I felt his fingers stroking my hair.

"_I don't know son," _

"_I can't stand to see her like this," _Emmett's voice sounded pained. It broke my heart that I was the reason for his pain.

"_Neither can I. But Jane says that she'll get better. Now wake her up, and yous two get ready for school." _

I heard Charlie walk out of the room. Emmett shook me lightly.

"Bella, I know you're awake." He commented, a smile in his voice. I groaned, and sat up.

Emmett laughed. "Good morning to you too." I stretched and cracked my knuckles.

"Come on! Get ready, I made pancakes!" Emmett said enthusiastically.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. The sound of Emmett's cooking wasn't very appetizing. "Are you _trying _to poison the whole house?" I asked.

Emmett glared at me. "Shut up, little sister."

I pushed him playfully on the shoulder. "Get out, so I can get ready."

Emmett nodded and ran out of the room. I fell back onto my pillows. "Fuck!" I called out in an exhausted, raspy tone.

Suddenly my phone rang, and I scrambled over to my night stand. The caller ID screen flashed Jane's name. I flipped it open.

"Hello?" I answered.

"_Good morning, sweetie. How are you feeling?" _Jane asked. I smiled at the sound of her voice.

"I'm alright,"

"_Are you still shaken up about last night?" _

"How did you-" Jane cut me off. _"Emmett called." _

"Oh," I said lamely.

Jane chuckled.

"_Are you feeling okay? Did you want to talk?" _

I sighed into the phone. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers.

"It was the same thing as usual." I told her.

_"Oh honey, you are safe now."_

"Jane! I know this, but it doesn't stop the nightmares!"

"_I think it would be best if you got a new therapist." _

My breathing hitched. "What?"

"_Bella, I can't be there to help you all the time. You should be seeing someone. I really think that it will help you with your recovery." _

"I dunno, I'll think about it."

"_That's all I ask. Now get ready for school. Call me if you need anything." _

"I will."

"_Bye, honey."_

"Bye," I snapped my phone shut. I sighed and ran my fingers threw my hair. I sat my phone on the night stand. I stood up, and grabbed my bag of toiletries before walking into the bathroom,.

I quickly stripped my clothes off. I adjusted the temperature of the water to my liking and stepped in. I moaned as the water beat against my skin. The hot water droplets slowly un-knotted my back. I dipped my head back, and allowed my hair to get soaked.

I grabbed my favorite strawberry shampoo. I lathered up my hair. The scent of the shampoo surrounded me. I thought about what Jane had said.

'_You should be seeing someone. I really think that it will help you with your recovery.' _Jane's soft voice replayed in my head.

_Did I need a new therapist? _I asked myself. I thought about how close I came to cutting yesterday. I can't just keep calling Jane, she has other patients as well. The world doesn't revolve around me and _my _problems. _How could I be so selfish? _I'm not the only person in the world with issues. Maybe Jane is right. _She always is. _I reminded myself. Maybe a therapist _could _help me.

As I rinsed out the soap, I came to the conclusion that Jane was right. I guess I could get a new shrink. I quickly washed my body and shaved. When I was done in the shower, I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my body. I applied my eyeliner and mascara. It was strange not putting on foundation. I still wasn't used to the idea that I wasn't going to get beat anymore. I didn't have to use make up to cover up bruises.

When I was finished, I raced back to my room. I plugged in my straightener, and brushed through my hair. I dropped my towel, and pulled on a pair of lacy blue boy shorts and a matching bra. I glanced out the window, and it was surprisingly sunny. I pulled on a maroon tank top, and opened my window. The air was moist but still warm. The sun was shining brightly. I inhaled the musky outdoors scent and smiled. I danced over to my drawer and pulled out a pair of skinny jeans, and quickly pulled an old tattered band tee over my head.

I was surprised at how comfortable I was becoming with wearing short sleeved shirts. My scars are still evident all over my body, the once dark purple markings on my arms had finally started to fade into a light lilac color that was barely visible unless you knew they were there.

I rushed over to my straightener, and I quickly straightened out my hair. I grabbed my books, and phone. I skipped down the steps, and sat down at the kitchen table. Charlie sat a plate of pancakes in front of me.

They _looked_ okay.

I leaned down and sniffed them.

They _smelled _okay.

I broke a piece off with my fingers, and tasted it. To my surprise they tasted alright, so I poured syrup all over them, and cut them into little pieces.

Charlie looked at me quizzically.

"Dad, _Emmett _made these. Can you blame me for being a bit apprehensive?"

Charlie and I glanced over at Emmett, who was putting whipped cream, chocolate sauce and white chocolate chips on top of his massive pile of pancakes. He took a huge bite, and he got whipped cream and chocolate all over his face.

"Baste, dem!" He said. His mouth was full so his words came out muffled. I smirked. Charlie laughed, and scratched his moustache with his index finger.

"I guess not."

I took a bite, and chewed slowly. When Emmett and I finished eating we both rushed up stairs to brush our teeth. When I was finished, I followed Emmett outside, and hopped into his Jeep.

We both waved and called a goodbye to Charlie. After we were strapped in, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I scrolled through my address book, and highlighted Jane's number. I hit the green call button.

She picked up on the third ring.

"Hella o?"

"Hey, Jane. I've been thinking about what you said…"

"_And?" _I could hear the smile in her voice.

"I guess it would be okay to get a therapist."

"_This is great Bella! I'm so proud of you. I'll make some calls now. Have a great say at school." _

"Thanks Jane. I will, bye." I hung up the phone. Emmett smiled proudly at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing." He laughed.

"How come you never wear your glasses anymore?" I asked when we pulled into the school parking lot. He parked next to the red BMW Rosalie was standing next to, a beautiful car for a beautiful girl.

Emmett shrugged. "I dunno, I don't want to look like a geek."

"Em you _are _a geek." I laughed.

Emmett frowned and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "That may be true, but I don't want anyone else to know that."

"Isn't it obvious?"

Emmett laughed, and ruffled the hair on the top of my head with his hand. "Shut up, kid." I heard someone laugh from behind me, I turned and noticed Edward watching the exchange between my brother and I.

"Hey Alice," I said, as she approached me.

"Hey!" She squealed, pulling me into a tight hug.

"Jingle Bells?" Emmett called.

"What?" I replied, watching as he wrapped his arm around Rosalie.

"This is my girl Rosie," he introduced her. "I didn't get the chance to introduce you guys yesterday.

Rose stuck out her hand, and I took it reluctantly. I didn't know how I felt about her yet. I sort of expected her to be a stuck up bitch, the pretty ones usually are.

"It's nice to finally meet you," She said. Her voice was soft, and kind.

"Um, hi." I said awkwardly, "it's nice to meet you too."

"BELLA!" Someone called. I whipped around and smiled. Jess, Angie and Erick were sprinting toward me.

"Hey guys!" I exclaimed.

"Are you coming to try-outs after school today?" Angie asked.

"Yeah! You have to try out!" Jess added.

"I guess," I told them, shrugging my shoulders.

"Bella get to class!" Emmett ordered as he walked away with Rose and Jasper.

"Sure, sure." I called back.

"Come on guys," I said and motioned with my hands for them to follow me. Alice skipped over to me. "What try-outs are you going to?"

"Soccer," I told her.

"You play soccer?" she inquired. I nodded my head in response. "I should of guessed!" she explained. "You totally have the body of a soccer player," she giggled. I blushed, and awkwardly looked down at the ground.

"We should go shopping this weekend!"

I smiled at her enthusiasm. "Um…okay?"

"Yay!" She exclaimed, jumping up in the air and clapped her hands together.

I looked over at Edward. He looked lovely, even I couldn't deny that he was an attractive male. He was wearing a pair of washed out jeans and a grey tight fitting T shirt. His hair was his usual messy sex hair, his lush locks of bronze stuck out randomly. He was eyeing a leggy blonde from across the lot as she made her way to the main entrance, I rolled my eyes. I found his complete disrespect for women appalling, and his arrogance annoying. I didn't understand how my brother could be friends with him.

"Bella! Let's go," Erick said.

"I'll catch up with you later Alice," I said.

"See you in Physics!" I called to Jess and Angie. They smiled and nodded. The morning classes passed by quickly. Before I knew it I was walking to the cafeteria with Jess and Angie.

Emmett walked up to us again. "Are you going to eat today?" He asked in a hushed tone.

I sighed. "Yes, brother dearest." I told him, my voice was icy and cold.

"Okay squirt." He laughed. He ruffled my hair with his hand. I stuck my tongue out at him, walking over to the lunch line with Jess.

I picked up a coke, and a granola bar. Jess got a lemonade and a banana. We paid for our food, and made our way to the table. I sat in between Angela and Erick. While Jess went to sit next to Mike. I took a swig from my coke, and a bite from my granola bar.

Lunch passed by quickly. I walked to English by myself. I walked into Mr. Mason's class room and took seat. I heard the chair next to me screech. I glanced over, and frowned. Edward Cullen was sitting next to me.

"Hello, I'm Edward. I didn't get a chance to introduce myself yesterday."

"Bella." I replied shortly.

"Your name suits you. You are very beautiful."

I was flattered at first, but then I remembered who I was talking to. Edward panty dropping Cullen.

"Um, thanks." I said coldly. He murmured a quiet "you're welcome" and was silent for the rest of class. I couldn't say that I was complaining. I tried to keep myself from looking over at him as the period went on, I kept having these weird tingly feelings in my stomach every time he looked over at me, or if our elbows accidentally brushed up against eachother's. I wasn't sure what those feelings were, and I wasn't sure if hated the feelings. They were nice in a way I suppose - the feelings - they were light, and fluffy. I felt the urge to smile every time I caught one of his movements from the corner of my eye.

The tingly feelings I was getting from Edward weren't like the normal feelings that I'd get from a man. It was nothing like the way Phil made me feel, I'd even go as far as to say that I _liked _the flurries of feelings that Edward caused. I wasn't sure what to make of that.

When the bell rang I stood up quickly, and rushed from the room without looking back. The rest of the day passed by quickly, for which I was extremely thankful. I had been dying to get on the field, and work off some of this pent up frustration I had been feeling. I stopped by the locker room with Angela, and Jess and we quickly changed into our soccer clothes. We headed out to the field, and I rolled my eyes's at Lauren's grimace when she saw me. I didn't know what her problem was, but I found her hatred of me particularly entertaining.

"What are _you _doing here?" She said, her voice was shrill and nasally. "I am here to try out for the team." I replied coolly.

"Fat chance of that, you can't try out."

"And my dear Ice Queen, why might that be?"

"Because I don't like you." She replied, flipping her bottle blonde hair over her shoulder. Before I could respond, Angela approached us, "get outta here Lauren," she rolled her eyes. Lauren glared at me before huffing and walking away.

"I'm really think I hate her," I said to Angela.

"Yeah, you're not the only one," she replied. I looked over at her, and we burst into a fit of giggles.


	10. Chapter 9

**SM OWN TWILIGHT**

**Chapter nine.**

I sat quietly in the back seat of Charlie's police cruiser while he and Emmett talked in the front seat. Saying I was nervous of talking to a new therapist would be a bit of an understatement. I was more along the lines of terrified actually. I know it sounds rather stupid - being scared of talking to a new shrink - but I'm just not sure if I can bring myself to trust another person the same way I trust Jane.

I turned the music up on my ipod. I was momentarily distracted by the sounds of _Secondhand Serenade. _

"_Tell me, tell me, what makes you think that you are invincible?  
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure. _

_Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable.  
Impossible." _

Minutes later we pulled up in front of a hospital with a sign that read_ Olympic Counselling Services_. Charlie pulled the cruiser up to the front doors. He let Emmett and I out while he went to park. Emmett and I walked with our arms linked into the building.

The front lobby was brightly lit, and had that weird hospital scent. I wrinkled my nose. There were dark blue chairs lined up along the wall, and a little play area for kids. Behind the front desk was a small blonde haired woman with glasses. Emmet and I walked up to the front desk.

He coughed loudly. The woman jumped a little before looking up. Emmett waved idiotically at her. I rolled my eyes. I pulled my ear phones out of my ears, and stuffed my ipod in my jeans pocket.

"Can I help you?" She asked, her voice was small and timid. "Isabella Swan, for Dr. Mallory." Emmett told her.

"Yes, of course. Sign in here," she instructed. I nodded, and signed my name on the clip board she handed me. I handed it back to her, and she smiled.

"Dr. Mallory will be with you momentarily. Have a seat."

I gave her a thumbs up, before turning to sit down. I plopped down in one of the chairs. Emmett sat down next to me. I heard the automatic doors slide open. I glanced over at them. Charlie stepped in. His eyes were searching for Emmett and I. When our eyes locked he smiled. The smile made the skin under his eyes crinkle. He strolled over to were Emmett and I were sitting, and he took his seat next to me. Charlie grabbed my hand reassuringly. I smiled.

The minutes ticked by slowly as I waited for my turn.

"Isabella Swan?" A man's voice called. I instinctively, looked up. A Christian Bale look-a-like smiled at me. I stood up, and walked over to him.

"Hi would you follow me please?" He asked. I took a deep breath through my nose. I shot one last glance at Charlie and Emmett before following the Christian Balelook-a-like down a long hallway. He opened a door to an office. He motioned with his hand for me to sit down. I plopped down on the black leather couch, while he took his seat in a black spiny computer chair.

"So Isabella," I cut him off. "Bella."

"Excuse me?"

"It's _Bella" _My voice was a tad bit more icy then I intended it to be. He chuckled "Jane said you were a fiery one."

"You know Jane?" I asked.

"Yes, we were good friends back in graduate school."

I nodded slowly "Oh."

"I'm Dr. Mallory but you can call me Derek."

"I think I'll call you Dr. Mallory. I called Jane Dr. Volturi for months."

Dr. Mallory laughed "That's perfectly fine."

I started at Dr. Mallory. He looked bizarrely familiar. His last name sounded familiar as well. I couldn't place my finger on where I heard it before. I glanced down at his shoes. They looked Italian, went well with his over priced Gucci suit.

"Your shoes, they're Italian." I said.

"What?"

"Your shoes, they look Italian."

Dr. Mallory nodded and chuckled "Yes they are."

I smiled triumphantly. "I thought so."

"Why don't you tell me about yourself?" He suggested. I shrugged.

"I'm Bella and I'm turning seventeen."

"Well that's a start," he mumbled to himself.

"So tell me about these nightmares you've been having?"

"How did you know about those?"

"It's in your file." He handed me a manila folder. "See?"

I opened the folder.

_Isabella Marie Swan. DOB: September 13, 1995. _

_Patient suffers from depression, mild PTSD and anorexia. Patient has an extensive history with self harm. The nightmares are common occurrences. Usually every night. _

I skimmed the rest of my file. My eyes shot to a sheet of yellow lined paper. I recognized Jane's handwriting. I quickly picked up the note.

_Bella,_

_I had a feeling that you were going to give Dr. Mallory some sort of trouble. It's just in your nature. But I love you for it. I'm telling you to trust Dr. Mallory. Derek is a great friend of mine, and I know that he'll take good care of you while I can't. Don't worry, you're always in my thoughts. No other patient can replace you in my heart, that's why I'm asking you not to give Dr. Mallory any problems. It was months before we could develop a solid relationship that was strictly patient and doctor, and then it evolved to a some what mother and daughter type relationship. _

_I really want to see you over come all of these obstacles, so please be nice, and open minded. I truly believe that Derek will do nothing to harm you. He won't do you wrong. I promise. _

_All my love,_

_Jane. _

I smiled widely as I re-read Jane's note. I folded the note, and put it in my pocket before closing my file and handing it back to Dr. Mallory.

"The nightmares are horrible," I told him.

Dr. Mallory smiled sadly at me. He grabbed a note pad and tape recorder. This action reminded me vaguely of Jane. For a moment, I was back in Phoenix in my old hospital room with Jane. She pulled out her notebook paper and tape recorder. _'Hello Bella,'_ Jane said and smiled.

"What happens in these nightmares?" He asked.

"Phil is usually there." I whispered. Saying his name made me shudder and I instantly felt uncomfortable.

"Now Phil is your step-father?" I couldn't find my voice so all I could do was nod.

"Can we not talk about Phil, I can't right now."

Dr. Mallory nodded. I smiled thankfully at him.

"When you have these nightmares do you feel the urge to cut?"

"Yes, most of the time." I whispered.

"How often do you feel the urge?"

"Basically everyday."

"What do you do when you feel the urge to cut?"

"Mostly I just try to ignore them and that usually works. When I can't ignore them I like to play soccer or listen to my music."

"You play soccer?" He smiled, and I nodded proudly. "What position are you?"

"Goalie, and sometimes I'm on offence."

Dr. Mallory smiled at me. "That's great that you're into sports. Most teenagers aren't."

"I suppose."

"How's your anorexia?"

I shrugged. "It's cake compared to the cutting. But it's still hard, especially because Emmett is_ so _over doing it. I swear he wants to shove food down my throat!"

Dr. Mallory nodded and wrote something down. "Have you ever considered looking at it from his perspective?"

I laughed with out humor. "Jane already tried that on me." Dr. Mallory nodded knowingly.

I sighed loudly. "I know that he cares about me, and I understand that he's worried. I really do, but him constantly being on my case doesn't help me at all. It's really overwhelming, and I'd rather him just back off a little bit."

"You should try talking to him about it." He suggested, I shrugged my shoulders indifferently. "I think it could really help the situation if you communicate to him how he's making you feel. Unless you tell him what you're thinking he's not going to know how he's effecting you."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I told him. I wasn't sure how I felt about Dr. Mallory at this point. He seemed genuine and kind which are both good qualities to find in another person. I didn't like him, but I definitely didn't hate him either. Jane approves of him, so I figured that he at least deserves a chance to prove himself to me.

"What do you think would be other triggers of your eating disorder?" I crossed my arms over my chest. I hadn't really thought about my anorexia. I thought about my answer for a few moments.

"I guess someone making comments on my weight," I murmured. "Or maybe if I'm just feeling especially insecure."

"Define especially insecure?"

"Like everyone has those days when they're just like "damn I look like crap" ya know? But I guess some people are just better at dealing with those feelings than others."

"Well maybe next time we would come up with a list of better ways a person could deal with those feelings?" He asked. I nodded, "yeah sure, I'd like that." Dr. Mallory looked down at his watch and stopped the recording. "It looks like we've run out of time for today, you did great Bella." I followed him out, and met up with Charlie in the waiting room. "It was wonderful meeting you," he told me. I nodded in agreement. "I'll see you Monday, okay?" "Yeah, I'll see you." Dr. Mallory smiled at patted my shoulder. "You have a good one, Bella."

"You too Dr. Mallory."

I turned and smiled sheepishly at Charlie. "So how'd it go?" I shrugged indifferently, "it was okay I guess, I'm not sure about him though." Charlie laughed "I hope you're planning on giving him a fair chance."

"Jane likes him so I guess he can't be all that bad." I said. I was silent for a few moments "I still like Jane better though." Charlie chuckled as he followed me out to the cruiser. From the corner of my eye I noticed a very familiar silver Volvo pulling in to a spot on the other side of the lot. My jaw dropped in shock when a certain head of dishevelled bronze hair circled around to the back of the car making his way to the main entrance of the building. _What is Edward Cullen doing coming to a counsellor's office?_


	11. Chapter 10

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter ten.**

_Why would Edward be visiting a shrink? _I asked myself. To be honest I really had no idea. I couldn't even _pretend _that I had an idea as to why he was there. I mean, Edward is the epitome of perfection. I couldn't imagine anything at all being wrong with him. At the same time I felt sort of naive for thinking like that, I mean anyone could go see a therapist right? And honestly, I really don't know anything about his life. He could be schizophrenic for all I know. I guess it's not really fair of me to judge him, and make assumptions about his life.

But damn was I curious. I couldn't stop thinking about why the hell Edward would need counselling. I fished my ipod out of my pocket, and popped in my headphones. Hoping that music could steer my thoughts away from anything Edward. I let the calming sounds of _Debussy _surround me, and I sighed in contentment.

I didn't know how much time had passed, but what it seemed like minutes later Emmett pulled Charlie's police cruiser into the drive way. I quickly got out of the car and rushed upstairs. I threw my ipod on my bed. I pulled off my hoodie and jeans. Clad in my tank top and undergarments, I grabbed my bag of toiletries off my dresser. I snatched up my ipod and ipod jack before rushing into the bathroom. I locked the door, and sat the jack on the sink counter. I plugged in my ipod.

In the last year or so I have found great solace in music. It's amazing the way one single song can change my entire mood, completely taking me out of a depression. I had never realized how great of a distraction music could be, and how important it really is. For me music is everything - at least now anyways. I can't imagine how I ever lived life without it.

_Jeremy Mckinnon's_ voice streamed through the air. I sighed in contentment.

_"If you can wait till I get home then I swear to you that we can make this last. La la la. If you can wait till I get home. Then I swear come tomorrow this will all be in our past. Well it might be for the best."_

I sung along with the melody and quickly stripped off my clothes. I turned on the water, and let the hot droplets relax me.

"And hey sweetie well I need you here tonight. And I know that you don't want to be leaving me. Yeah you want it but I can't help it. I just feel complete when you're by my side." I sang loudly, as I lathered up my hair. I sang along to the song in perfect harmony with the song. My voice hit every note and wasn't flat or sharp in the slightest.

The bathroom was steamy and it smelled off my favorite shampoo. I rinsed out my hair, and washed my body. I sniffed the body wash before I applied it to my loofah. I smiled. I was finally happy. For the first time in a long time I was actually genuinely happy. It felt nice. It was more invigorating then the cutting, because I was actually on the high of being happy. I didn't have to make 'artificial' happiness from cutting.

I sang along to every song that played. Completely happy and content. All of a sudden I heard a large crashing noise, and the sound of someone barging in to the bathroom. "OH YEAH! COLD WATER YEAH!" Emmett's loud screech bounced off the walls. Then I was abruptly cold. I looked up, and Emmett's hands were dumping a huge bucket of ice cold water on me.

I screamed. "EMMETT!"

Emmett's booming laugh echoed off the walls.

"I'LL _SO_ GET YOU BACK!"

"Sure you will little sister," He called. I heard the bathroom door slam shut. I rinsed out the conditioner, and turned off the water. I rung out my hair, and wrapped a towel around my body. I grabbed my ipod and the jack before sprinting back to my room. Once I was in my room I dropped my towel.

I pulled an underwear set out of my drawer. I quickly pulled on the black lacy bra and matching thong. I pulled on a pair of Abercrombie and Fitch straight leg jeans, and a long sleeved black top. I brushed out my hair, and bent over at the waist as I ran handfuls of hair moose through my hair. I walked over to my mirror and I fluffed out my hair a bit. This was the first time I had worn my hair curly in years. I put on my normal make up, but instead of using an eye pencil for the top and bottom, I applied a thin line of liquid liner on the top, and I used purple eye shadow. I applied a few layers of mascara.

I didn't know where I was going but I knew I was going out. I figured I could call Jess or Angie. As if on cue my phone rang. The screen flashed Angie's name.

"Hey, Ang." I answered.

"_Hey Bells, you rocked at practice today." _Angie said.

I laughed. "Thanks, so what's up?"

"_Did you want to hang out? Me Jess, Erick and everybody are going down to First Beach." _

"Yeah! Totally."

"_Cool. Me and my mom will pick you up in like 20 minutes." _

"Sweet. Talk to you then,"

"M'kay bye." The line went dead. I snapped the phone shut. I ran out into the hallway and burst into Emmett's room. He jumped and cringed back. I suppressed a giggle.

"Relax, I was just coming to tell you that I'm going out."

Emmett un-tensed but then his face was clouded with concern. I rolled my eyes.

"Where are you going, and with who?"

I put all my weight on my left leg and placed my hands on my hips.

"Okay dad..." I murmured sarcastically. Emmett rolled his eyes.

"If you _must_ know. I'm going to First Beach with Angie and some other people."

"Bella, can you blame me for worrying?" Emmett yelled.

I walked over to him and hugged him.

"I understand, I _really _do. But when you act like this is makes me _want _to relapse." I told him in gentle voice.

"I'm sorry, Jingle Bells." Emmett wrapped his arms around my waist and he lifted me off the ground. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward sitting in Emmett's computer chair. I froze as the tingly feelings came back. Edward waved, and smiled his crooked smile. Slowly I waved back at him, and turned to leave the room. I suddenly had trouble breathing, and my heart began to race at the thought of Edward Cullen being in my house. I suppressed the urge to giggle. _What the hell?_ I thought to myself. Why is that every time I'm within a foot of Edward Cullen I react like a ten year old school girl?

I'll call when I'm about to come home," I called out to Emmett as I shut his door behind me.

I went back to my room, and slid on a pair of Sperry's and a black North Face jacket. I skipped down the stairs, and kissed Charlie on the cheek. "Dad I'm going out with Angela Webber."

"Um… okay. Call before you get home."

"Sure, sure." I replied. My phone buzzed with a text message from Angela telling me that she was outside.

"Ang and her mom are here, I'm gonna head out now." I told Charlie. He nodded once not taking his eyes off the baseball game playing on the televison. "Have a good time, don't stay out too late. This is still a school night."

"Okay dad, see ya!" I called as I rushed outside to meet Angela.

"Hey girlie," I greeted Angela as I slid into the back seat of her mother's SUV.

"Hey yourself," She said.

"Mom, this is Bella." Ang pointed to me.

"Bella this is my mom, Rachelle." Ang pointed to a small brunette woman with glasses. Rachelle smiled at me. "Hello Bella,"

"Hi," I said.

"It's nice to meet you," Angela's mom told me.

"Like wise,"

Minutes later we pulled up to a huge beach, surrounded by cliffs. The sun was just setting so the purple and pink reflected off the shimmering water. It was beautiful. "Bye girls. Have fun,"

"Bye mom," Angie said on her way out of the car.

"Bye, Mrs. Webber."

"Bella call me Rachelle,"

"Okay, well bye Rachelle." I said as I got out.

"Hey guys!" We both exclaimed when we reached the group. Angela rushed over to Ben and pulled him into a passionate kiss. I smiled, and turned to Jess.

"Hey, Jess."

"Hey, you were great at practice. I don't get what Lauren's problem is." She said.

"She's a real bitch,"

Jess laughed. "I know right?"

"So you do soccer and cheerleading? I thought they were both fall sports?" I asked.

"They are, but I do mostly winter cheerleading, and the competitions throughout the year. Soccer is the only fall sport I do."

I nodded. "Oh."

"You should try out for cheerleading!" Jess exclaimed.

"I'd rather not," I told her. Jess giggled.

"Suit yourself,"

She walked over to sit with Mike on a blanket. I smiled sadly as I looked over the couples. Angela was cuddling with Ben. She was between his legs, her back pressed against his chest. Jess had her head resting on Mike's shoulder while his arm was around her waist. I never really thought about it before, but I wanted to have someone to cuddle with. I wanted someone to be my best friend and my lover. I wanted a special someone.

I sat down on a blanket next to Erick. I hugged my knees to my chest. He leaned back on his hands and smiled at me.

"How are you?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I'm okay, how about yourself?"

"Yeah same."

"Emmett pulled one on me before I left, and I don't know how I'm gonna get him back." I told Erick in an attempt to make a conversation.

"What did he do?" He asked.

I told Erick about the shower incident, and he laughed whole heartedly. "Dude look at this!" Ben ran up to Erick. Erick got up and followed Ben.

"What was so funny?" Angie asked when she sat down next to me.

I told her about how Emmett dumped the bucket of cold water on me while I was in shower, and that I couldn't think of any ways I could get him back. I also told her about Edward, and the way I've been reacting to him.

"You _so_ like him."

I shoved her playfully. "I don't like him. I barely know him, and he's kind of a douche from what I've heard."

"You might be developing a crush on him or something, I mean why else would he be giving you butterflies?" _Butterflies_? I thought to myself. Edward Cullen was giving me butterflies? I almost smiled. I had never experienced the feeling of 'butterflies' before. Usually with males I either experience feelings that are either beyond uncomfortable or nothing at all. If I'm being honest, I'd have to say I rather like that Edward Cullen gives me butterflies. It's a nice change, it's innocent. Gosh, when was the last time I had experienced something innocent? I couldn't even remember.

"I don't understand how I could have a crush on someone that I barely know," I told her. "I think I've talked to him like all of three times since I've been here."

Angela laughed lightly, and smiled up at me. "You don't have to know someone to have a crush on them, you probably just think he's cute or something."

"I guess."

"Haven't you ever had a crush on someone before?" I thought about Angela's question for a few moments. Had I ever had a crush on someone before? I honestly couldn't say. I don't think I have. Even before my past with Phil I never had a real interest in boys. I'm pretty sure I believed the whole "boys have cooties" thing until I was like eleven. And after Phil I really didin't have an interest in the opposite sex. For the longest time I couldn't even look at a boy. Sam is probably the only guy I had felt comfortable around for a few years. I can't even remember the last time I acknowledged the opposite sex at all.

Phil really fucked me up didn't he?

"No, I don't think so. I've never really been concerned with boys or dating." I said.

"Well I think you're developing a crush on Edward Cullen." Angela giggled. I raised an eye brow at her. "From the thing I've heard about Edward, I reckon that having a crush on Edward Cullen probably isn't a good thing." I laughed.

"You're right, it's probably not."

**The song mentioned in this chapter is called If It Means A Lot To You by A Day To Remember. **

**-raybabiieex3**


	12. Chapter 11

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter eleven.**

The weekend passed by quickly. I had talked to Tia all day on Saturday. She had said the same thing that Angela said when I told her about Edward. She thinks that Edward is my 'true love' that I'm supposed to find. I rolled my eyes when she said that. I don't know why she's so hung up on the idea of me falling in love. I doubt that would happen anytime soon, or at all. I'm way too damaged for love. However, I am begining to accept the idea that I _might _have a crush on Edward. I'm not sure how I feel about that either. It's definitely not a good thing. I've never looked at the opposite sex in that way before, and I never felt the urge to because of Phil but for some reason I can't stop my stomach from doing flips at the thought of Edward.

I spent most of the weekend trying to figure out why Edward would have to speak to a therapist. I couldn't come up with anything. He just seemed so perfect. Even Tia couldn't come up with anything. To my intense surprise Sam called me last night. We talked aimlessly for hours. I didn't realize until then exactly how much I missed him. He was everything to me. Just as Tia was. He may not know my story like Tia but he still was close to me. Sam updated me on who was going out with who, and he told me all the funny jokes I had been missing. They were still funny, but I knew that they wouldn't been funnier the first time. It's always funnier the first time.

The longer I had talked to Sam, the more I was regretting my decision of coming to Forks. But my regret instantly flew away when I thought of Phil.

I rushed around my room as I got ready for school. I had an other appointment with Dr. Mallory today. Emmett was going to drive me to Port Angels after school.

I slipped on my old beat up chucks, and made my way down stairs. I made a piece of toast, and ate it quickly. Emmett smiled at me, when he came down stairs. He devoured four eggs, two pieces of toast and ten waffles. I shook my head at him. My brother was an idiot.

Once Emmett finished up his breakfast we made our out to his Jeep.

"Your birthday is next month!" Emmett exclaimed as we drove. I rolled my eyes.

"So what," I said indifferently.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"A pony," I murmured sarcastically.

Emmett rolled his eyes at me. "Seriously, what do you want?"

"I don't want anything, Em." I said. "I don't like presents."

He and I sat in a comfortable silence the rest of the way to school. When we reached the school parking lot, the rest of his group was waiting up for us. Alice skipped over to me.

"You never called me to go shopping," She pouted. I smiled sadly at her.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you." I told her honestly. I really did feel bad for not calling her to go shopping, but I just wasn't in the mood to be around anyone let alone Alice Cullen.

"Promise?" She asked.

I nodded. "Promise."

"Thank you!" Alice squealed. She jumped into my arms. I patted her back.

Alice jumped off of me, I smiled at her. We all walked to our classes. I met up with Erick in Geometry.

"Hey," He said when I sat down.

"Sup?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Nothing much, you?"

I sighed. "Same,"

The rest of the day passed by quickly. I was sitting English, and I was practically counting down the minutes until I got to leave school. I could feel Edward's eyes on me, but I just ignored him. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out, and flipped it open. I had a text from Sam. I smiled widely. I looked up through my eyelashes to make sure Mr. Mason wasn't looking.

_Wassup, homie B?_

_-Sam luvs ham. _

I smiled, and quickly typed my reply.

_Nothing, in English. Hbu? _

_-B xoxo_

I closed my phone, and put it between my legs. It vibrated again.

_In math. I miss u. _

_-Sam luvs ham. _

I smiled sadly as I was typing my reply.

_I miss u too. Whts with the sig? Sam luvs ham? Lol. _

_-B xoxo_

I laughed out loud at Sam's response.

_Cuz I luvs ham niggs. Dnt hate. Beyotch. _

_-Sam luvs ham._

I was smiling as I quickly typed back.

_I'm not "hatin" lololololol. Tell T I said hey._

_-B xoxo_

"Miss Swan care to tell me what is so funny?" Mr. Mason asked me. I turned around and he was behind me glaring. I smiled at him innocently.

"Oh nothing, I was just lost in my thoughts."

He just continued to glare at me.

"Hand it over," His voice was icy, and thick with annoyance.

I frowned and reluctantly handed him my phone.

"You can have this back right before you leave detention." He spat as he walked up to his desk. He sat my phone in the middle of his desk. It vibrated loudly against the wood. I groaned.

I heard Edward laugh. I shot a death glare at him. "Mr. Cullen if you think it's so funny, you can join Miss Swan in detention."

Edward groaned. I smiled smugly at him. "Miss Swan wipe that smug smile off your face."

I blushed and sank down in my seat. A few moments later the bell rang. I sighed when the rest of the class got up to leave.

"You two sit right there." Mr. Mason instructed.

Minutes later Emmett walked into the room. "Bella what are you doing?" He asked.

"Just cancel the appointment, I got detention." I huffed. Emmett laughed. I glared at him and his smile dropped. "I mean…that's too bad." I rolled my eyes. "Uh huh,"

"Mr. Swan if you aren't gone in the next 30 seconds you have detention as well," Mr. Mason said.

Emmett's eyes widened. "See ya Bells," with that Emmett ran off.

Mr. Mason walked up to the door. "I'll be back at 3:45, you two sit right there. No talking." He walked out of the room. I groaned. "I'm _so _not happy about this." I said out loud.

"Maybe you shouldn't have been texting in class," Edward said. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He had a smug smile on his face. I rolled my eyes at him, but didn't say anything. We sat in silence for a few moments.

Edward was the first to break the un-comfortable silence. "Mason, just goes to the teachers lounge and sleeps." He said.

I laughed without humor. "You talk like getting detention from him is a usual thing for you,"

"It is,"

I chuckled once. I thought about getting my phone. After a few seconds I shrugged, and got up. I grabbed my phone from Mr. Mason's desk. I flipped it open.

_I will. How're u?_

_-Sam luvs ham._

I walked back to my desk, and plopped down in my chair.

_I'm okay, I got detention. :( _

_-B xoxo._

Sam's reply was instant.

_Sucks fur u. Rmbr when we got detention togthr? Lmfao. Fun times._

_-Sam luvs ham. _

I laughed out loud. Oh, I remembered. Detention with Sam and Tia was the most fun I had while I lived in Phoenix. Not only did I get a few hours away from Phil, but I got to spend extra time with my two best friends.

_Yeah. *sighs* g2g. Ttyl. _

_-B xoxo_

"Who are you texting?" Edward asked. I sighed.

_K. Bye, niggs. _

_-Sam luvs ham._

I closed my phone and sat it on my desk. "My friend Sam, you don't know him."

Edward nodded slowly. "He your boyfriend?"

"Why do you care?" He shrugged. I sighed. "And no, he's not my boyfriend."

Edward chuckled. "Oh," he sighed. "Yup," I popped the 'p'.

"You don't like me very much do you?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't really know you," I said honestly.

"That's fair enough." We stayed silent for a few moments after that. It was so awkward, I could've died. I kept feeling like I should say _something_ but I had no idea what to say. Being in his presence made me nervous, and I didn't like it. I started out the window for a couple minutes watching little flakes of snow fall from the sky and hit the ground. I smiled to myself. I enjoyed the snow, I thought it was beautiful.

"So, do you like snow?" Edward asked suddenly. I laughed out loud "are you really asking me about the weather?" He laughed awkwardly "I'm just trying to make conversation." I felt a small smile pulling at my lips as he blushed a light pink. "I like snow, it's pretty don't ya think?"

"Yeah it is."

"It doesn't snow in Arizona, it was one of the things I missed most about Forks after I moved." I admitted.

"Why'd you move to Arizona?" Edward asked his green orbs sparkled with interest.

"When my parents split up my mom ran off with her new man and moved to Arizona, she took me with her instead of Emmett. " I said, and shifted in my seat uncomfortably.

"Where's your mom now?"

"She... uh... passed away." I murmured, running my fingers awkwardly through my hair. Edward's eyes softened "I'm sorry."

I averted his gaze. "Thanks."

"Is that why you moved back to Forks?" He pressed. I gulped, and shifted in my seat. "Not exactly," I replied without looking at him. I could feel his eyes on me, after a few moments he broke the silence. I lifted my eyes up to meet his. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry." I smiled softly "It's alright," I told him. "There's just some things I don't talk about."

He nodded in understanding. "My mom passed away too." He admitted, his eyes swam with saddness. "I'm sorry."

He smiled sadly at me "it was a long time ago though." He said, "Alice and I were adopted by the Cullens when we were ten."

"So what about your dad" I asked, I started up into his eyes searching for answers. He stiffened at the mention of his father. "There's just some things I don't talk about." He quoted me, and I nodded in understanding. We stared into eachother's eyes, and I'm not sure what happened. I felt as if an atomic bomb had gone off inside of me, the longer I locked eyes with him the harder it was for me to catch my breath. A swarm of butterflies attacked my stomach, it was like every nerve ending in my body had been connected to a live wire. A fire ignited it's way through my heart, warming my insides. If this is what having a crush is like, then I wondered what actually liking someone felt like, or even what being in love felt like.


	13. Chapter 12

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter twelve.**

I walked silently down the hallway with Edward right next to me. It was like being on a cloud, I couldn't think of anything to do except smile. I was also confused, and slightly scared I didn't know how to respond to these feelings. I was too scared to act on them, and I didn't want to fight them. I didn't know how to have a crush on someone, or how to like them. All I knew was that Edward makes my stomach drop into my ass, and I can't help but smile when I'm around him. I suppose that's all I need to know, for now anyways.

We reached my locker, and I quickly got my books and my hoodie. Edward leaned back against the lockers and started at me. I put my books and phone between my legs as I put my hoodie on.

"I can hold those," Edward said. I felt him place a hand on my knee as he slid my books and phone out of my legs. I stopped breathing, and my heart went into overdrive. I felt a surge of electric shoot up my leg, and fuel the fire that was burning in my body when he touched me. _I wonder if he felt it too._ I gulped nervously and slipped on my jacket. I smiled timidly at Edward while I took my books from him.

"Thanks," I mumbled. He nodded. "Sure," I put my phone in the pocket of my hoodie and cracked my knuckles.

"Damn it!" I groaned. Edward looked at me quizzically. "What?"

"I don't have a ride," I told him. He rolled his eyes at me. "What am I? Chopped liver?" He mumbled to himself. I laughed lightly. "Oh, right." I followed Edward outside to his Volvo. I tried to keep the look of disgust off my face as I got in the vehicle.

"Why are you making that face?" He asked when we were strapped in. "I kinda hate this car, a little bit." I admitted sheepishly. I tried to keep myself from laughing when Edward gasped audibly.

"You just can't handle the awesomeness that is _the Volvo." _He said proudly. I shook my head in disbelief. "Just drive your mom car Edward," I laughed loudly at Edward's expression. We drove in silence for a few minutes. Edward was calm as he drove, I stared at him for a few moments wondering what was going through his mind. I thought back to our conversation in Mr. Mason's room. I had finally gained another piece to the puzzle that was Edward Cullen. So he had a past, a past that he ever so conviengtly doesn't talk about. This new information created more questions then it answered. At least I had an idea as to why he would need therapy.

He has a past, and it has something to do with his father.

I was beginning to think that Edward really wasn't all that bad. I could tell by looking at him that he had confidence, the way he walks illuminates that. However his arrogance doesn't seem to roll off of him the way it did when I had first seen him in the cafeteria. There might be something more to Edward Cullen then the panty dropper façade he puts on, and I'm dying to figure it out.

"What are you thinking?" He asked suddenly. I looked over at him, and he was staring intently at me. I met his stare and his green orbs melted into mine. "Just that, you're not as bad as I originally thought you were. That's all."

"Oh really?" He asked playfully. I laughed. "There's something about you Edward Cullen."

"And there's something about _you _Isabella Swan." He responded, flashing his crooked smile. I stared into Edward's eyes, drowning in the pools of green. I loved this whatever it was, whatever I'm feeling. This is something I had never experienced before, and I'd be lying if I said I'd hated it. I had never felt the urge to just _ know_ someone before. I want to know Edward, every little thing about him. What makes him cry, laugh, smile, frown. I want to know about his past, and his present. The good, bad, ugly, and sad.

I don't know what this is, but I know that I don't want to fight it. I want whatever this is, whatever this is turning into. There's some small part of my brain telling me that this is what I need, that this is what I've been looking for. I haven't known Edward for long, in fact I don't know him at all. And that scares me. I don't think I should be having these thoughts and feelings about someone I barely know, but it just feels _right._

"How did you and my brother become friends?" I asked randomly.

"When we were fourteen we had to be partners in P.E. class for the day, and ever since then we've just always talked. He's my best buddy." He told me, a smile on his face.

"What about you, do you have any best friends?"

I laughed, "oh yeah I do. I have the greatest friends. Tia and Sam.

I met Tia right after I had moved to Arizona, we were in the first grade. She offered to share her building blocks with me and we've been best friends ever since." I smiled widely. "And as for Sam well" I chuckled "Tia and I met him when we were in the fifth grade, he was new and was sitting by himself at recess so we offered to play with him and we've been the three musketeers ever since."

"You must miss them." Edward commented. I smiled sadly, "very much so."

Suddenly the car came to a stop, I turned and glanced out the window trying to keep the disappointment from showing on my face when I realized that we had arrived at my house. The drive was, much to my dismay a lot quicker than I had expected it to be. We sat in silence for a few moments, neither of us making a move to get out of the car. Slowly, I closed my eyes sucking in a deep breath. Edward's soft musky scent invaded my senses, turning my brain into a pile of mush. My body was hyper aware of his, I couldn't see him but I could feel his presence next to me. I struggled to form coherent thoughts, the warmth radiating from his body sent my heart rate into a frenzy. I opened my eyes, sneaking a quick glance at Edward from the corner of my eye, but he was already looking at me.

The intensity of his stare turned the rest of my body, along with my brain into a pile of mush. My heart pounded behind my chest, beating so rapidly I wondered if it would explode from my body. "What are you staring at?" I asked, struggling to maintain complete aloofness. The sound of my voice seemed to draw him back to reality, the passion burning in his stare faded, but wasn't completely gone. He ran a hand through his dishevelled bronze locks, flashing a nervous smile.

"Tell me something," he said softly.

"What would you like me to tell you?"

"I don't know, anything, everything. Just tell me something about you."

I raised an eyebrow, sending him a sceptical glance as I pondered my response. I shifted through my mind, searching for something I'd be comfortable with sharing. "I like blue," I answered after a few moments.

"Really?" he laughed. "That is completely lame."

"You said I could tell you "anything"." I replied.

"Is that really the best you can do? Tell me something _good._"

"I don't think so, I'm pretty sure you're required to tell _me _something about _yourself _now."

"I'm older than Alice by ten minutes," he answered, laughing at my annoyed expression. "What?" he chuckled. "You're not the only one who can give lame answers."

"Your answer was _beyond_ lame, at least I told you something I liked." I retorted playfully.

"I gave you a real fact about myself," he smirked.

"Yeah, a real fact I bet everyone knows." I murmured.

"And your point is?"

"Your response is completely invalid!"

Edward shook with gentle laughter, the corners of his mouth turned up into a full smile. I enjoyed watching him laugh, the deep throaty sound was music to my ears. I knew I wanted to see more of him. A swarm of butterflies tickled my insides, and I couldn't help smiling at the sensation. Being with Edward was so simple, and that's what I loved the most. Being around him was as easy as breathing.

"If you give me a good one, I'll give you a good one." He suggested.

"I think laying out on a clear night, and looking up at the starts is the most relaxing thing ever." I replied softly, staring up at him through my eyelashes. "Alice is the only person I trust one-hundred percent, through and through." He whispered his eyes boring into mine.

"I should probably go inside..." I said just above a whisper.

"You probably should." He mumbled, as he down cast his eyes. I un-buckled my seat belt, and turned to him "thank you for giving me a ride." Edward smiled softly, nodding in response. "See you tomorrow Bella." He called as I stepped out of the Volvo.

"See you." I smiled as I shut the door behind me.


	14. Chapter 13

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter thirteen. **

_I stormed into the house. Thanking God that Phil was passed out on the couch. I didn't want to have to go through another beating while my 'mother' watched. Some mom she was. She just sat back and let Phil abuse us both. She was either to fucking high to care or she was to much of a chicken shit to say something to someone. I looked over and I saw her sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands. From the looks of it she was crying._

"_What is wrong with you?__" I sneered._

"_What?" She whispered. She looked up at me. Her eyes were filled with pain, but I couldn't bring myself to care. _

"_Mom, how could you do this to yourself?" She opened her mouth to say something, but I continued to rant. I let my anger and desperation overtake me. "How could you do this to __**me**__?" _

"_Do whatever you want to yourself, but how could you do this to me?" _

"_Bella honey what are you talking about?" She asked just above a whisper. __I laughed without humor. "What am I talking about?" I walked over to her. "What am I talking about?" I slammed my fist on the table._

"_You took me away from Daddy, from Emmett just so you could run away with __**him**__," I pointed to the living room where her'true love' was lying passed out, "and look at where it's gotten us! He beats you every night, more importantly he hits __**me**__! And you do nothing to stop him!" _

"_I'm sorry," she whispered. _

_"You should be! Because of you I get hurt every night. You only see __**your**__ pain, you don't see mine. You took me away from my friends, and family.__" _

"_Bella.." I cut her off. "You are the __**worst **__mother. You just sit around crying for __**yourself**__ all day, while I have to be strong. I told on Phil once, and you __**defended **__him! And what did has he ever done for you?"__ I screamed._

"_Bella baby, listen to me." _

"_No mom! You call yourself a mother but you can't even protect me! I would be better off without you." I had already turned and left the room before she could respond. _

_The next morning I woke up, instantly regretting my words last night. _

"_Mom?" I called out._

_No answer. _

"_Mom!" I called a little louder. _

_Nothing. As I crept down the hallway, I noticed the bathroom light shining from under the door. Slowly, I pulled the door open. "Mom are you in here?" I called as I stepped into the room. There was so much blood. My hand flew to my mouth, as I bit back a scream. I rushed over to my mother's un-conscious form, a broken sob escaped my chest as I sank down next to her. Blood was flowing freely from her wrists, a puddle of dark red liquid surrounded her body. My words last night re-played in my head, hot tears rolled down my cheeks. _

_"Mommy?" I whispered through my tears. I lightly shook her, trying to wake her. Another sob escaped my lips when she didn't move. _

"_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I whispered over and over.I sat down on the floor next to her, not caring that I was getting soaked in her blood. I placed her head in my lap, and lifted a shaky hand to her face. I lightly stroked her hair with my finger tips. _

"_I'm sorry mommy," I said in a flat monotonous voice. _"_I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't. Please wake up__**.**__" More tears leaked out my eyes, clouding my vision. _"_You have to wake up. I need you…" I sobbed, pressing my lips lightly against her forehead. "Please, please, please." __From the corner of my eye I noticed an empty pill bottle, and a note in the sink. I crawled over to the sink, and picked up the note. "I'm sorry, I love you." _

I woke up with tears streaming down my face. I sat up and leaned back against the head of my bed. I hugged a pillow to my chest as sobs racked through It was _my_ fault that Renee killed herself. I was all my fault. If I hadn't said those things to her that night she would still be here with me. I killed my mother. I shouldn't have said any of that shit, I didn't mean it.

"Mommy," I sobbed. Thunder cracked outside, the rain droplets beat against my window. I leaned my head against the wall on the right side of me. Out of the corner of my eye I watched the rain fall from the sky, as I listened to the thunder.

_I'm so fucking stupid. I was wrong. I was so wrong_. I rocked slowly back an forth. I thought about the note she had left me, who knew that five words could say so much? Instinctively I reached forward, searching my bedside table drawer for a razor. I growled in frustration when I didn't find one. I scratched frantically at my arm.

_No! _I screamed at myself. _Just once. No one will know._ I shook my head as tears of frustration rolled down my cheeks.

"_No one will know." _I chanted to myself. I need the distraction right now. I didn't want to think about my mother anymore. I didn't want to think about anything. I slowly peeled the covers off, and stepped out of bed. The sound of the thunder crackling made me jump. I slowly opened my bed room door, and peaked down the dark hallway. I looked to my right where Emmett's room was. His door was shut, and I could hear his loud chain saw snoring. I turned my head to the left where Charlie's room was. I heard his light snoring from behind the closed door.

After checking to make sure that they were both sound asleep, I tip toed down the steps. I stepped on the floor board the wrong way and it creaked loudly. I cringed and peeked over my shoulder. It didn't appear to have woken Charlie or Emmett. I continued my retreat down the steps. The groaning floor boards sounded loud to me. The rain and thunder outside made the house seem eerie.

I made my way to the kitchen. I froze when I saw that the light above the stove was on. I just brushed it off. Emmett or Charlie probably forgot to turn it off. I tip toed over to the counter where the silverware drawer was.

I smiled wickedly.

Just a few more seconds and I'll be all better. I almost moaned at the thought of a blade slicing through my skin. I could practically feel the stinging sensation of the cut. I scratched at my arm some more. I could see the blood trickling down my arms as I felt like I was on fire.

I slowly and quietly slid open the drawer. In my mind it was like opening the gates to heaven. I felt like I was a burglar attempting to steal the good silver and fine China. I chuckled darkly.

The thunder cracked and roared. I practically jumped out of my skin. "Jesus," I sighed. My hand flew to my heart. I shook my head frantically, slowly picking up a knife. I hated that I had to resort to using a knife. I missed my razors, I would have to pick some up for the next time.

_No! _There will be no next time. This is the _only _time.

"This is the last time," I whispered to myself.

"After this, I'll go back to normal." I continued my pep talk as I picked up the knife. I lowered the blade on to the skin of my left arm. I moaned softly when the cold metal brushed against my skin. _It's been to long. _I turned to leave the kitchen, and jumped at the sound of my name being called.

"Bella?"

I griped the counter top for support, I knew that voice anywhere. _What was Edward Cullen doing in my house? At –_ I glanced at the clock – _1:30 in the morning?_

I slowly turned around and hid the knife behind my back. "What the hell Edward?" I whispered loudly.

"Bella what are you doing?" His voice was thick with authority and his eyes clouded with concern. He glanced behind my back. I followed his eyes where the knife was sticking out slightly. I shot it back into place. His eyes were now filled with realization, concern, anger and pain. I gulped and bit my lip nervously.

"N-n-nothing," I stammered. _Oh my god. _

"What are you doing with a knife?" He pressed.

My mouth twitched. "What knife?"Edward drew his hands into a fist, and he glared at me. "You weren't about to do, what I think you were about to do_?"_

"What do you think I was about to do?"

"I think you know what I was thinking, Bella."

I cringed at his tone. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I considered running, but then he might get Charlie or _Emmett. _I shuddered at the idea of Emmett knowing, or of _anybody _knowing. What if Tia knew what I was about to do? Or Jane. I couldn't believe how close I was to breaking a promise I had kept for a year. I was about to throw a whole years progress down the drain.

_How could I have been so stupid?_ My grip on the knife tightened as I thought about what to do. Should I lie to him? Well what the fuck could I say? How the hell could I cover _this _up?

I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze, I was ashamed of myself. "This is none of your business Edward." I snapped.


	15. Chapter 14

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter fourteen.**

_I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze, I was ashamed of myself. "This is none of your business Edward." I snapped. _

"Bella…"

I opened my mouth to say something, anything really, I was hoping I could yell at Edward for what he was doing to me but I couldn't manage to form words. I shook my head slowly from side to side, I had no idea what to do with myself.

I loosened my grip on the knife and it fell to the linoleum floor with a loud 'clank'. I sank down to the cold floor. I could feel Edward's eyes on me but I didn't have the nerve to look at him.

I hugged my knees to my chest, as I began to cry. I rested my head on my knees, as I shook violently with tears. I heard Edward get up out of his seat but I ignored him. I heard his soft foot steps as we walked over to me. He sat down on the floor next to me, and wrapped his arms around my crying form. He hugged me to his chest.

"Bella why?" He whispered. His voice was rough and it broke. I shook my head violently from side to side.

_What was I suppose to say? _I couldn't possibly tell him why.

I was mortified. Edward knew my secret, or some of it at least. I was terrified of what he would do, of what he would say.

"I don't know what to tell you," I managed to choke out through my tears. Edward pulled me onto his lap. He rocked my lightly. "How about the truth," he whispered into my hair.

"I don't know if I can tell you the truth," I admitted. My sobbing slowly turned into silent tears.

"Why not?"

"How do I know if I can trust you? I barely know you Edward." I leaned back a little and looked him in the eye, what I saw made my heart ache in my chest. I wanted nothing more than to lay my head on his shoulders and cry until I couldn't anymore. I wanted to trust him with my soul, and tell him everything. I wanted nothing more than to confide in him, this guy that I barely new. However, I knew I couldn't.

"Trust me Bella," he whispered softly in my ear. I shook my head as tears fell from my cheeks. "I... I... I... don't... I can't." I mumbled. _  
_

"Please Bella, trust me. You can trust me." He quietly reassured me, placing a soft peck on my temple.

"I just... I... just _needed _to. I couldn't fight it anymore." I cried softly into his chest, I couldn't bring myself to look at his face.

"Bella there are other ways to deal with things, you don-" Glaring, I pushed myself away from him. "Don't you think I already know that?" I hissed as I stood up.

Edward stood as well. He picked up the knife I dropped, and held it up in the air. "Obviously not! You were about to slice your arm open!" He almost shouted as he put the knife back in the drawer. He slammed the silverware drawer with so much force that the forks and knifes made a loud 'clinking' noise. I jumped a bit.

"Of course I know Edward! God! I've been through this before! A whole year of going through therapy. Of course I _fucking _know. You wouldn't understand!" I spat at him. I turned to storm out of the kitchen but he grabbed my arm.

"What do you mean "a whole year in therapy"?" He asked. His voice was softer than the last time he spoke.

I groaned. "I don't want to have this discussion,"

"Well too bad," he pulled me over to the kitchen table, "because we are having it."

"Sit," He instructed. I huffed and did as he asked. He sat down in the chair across from mine.

"If you knew then why did you come down here?" He asked.

"Becau- Wait! Why are you even in my house? Are you like stalking me or something?"

"I got into a fight with my parents, I asked Emmett if I could crash here." He told me. "And no." he chuckled. "I am not stalking you."

"Why are you _awake_?" I asked him.

"I couldn't sleep," He said.

I nodded my head slowly. "What did you fight with your parents about?"

"Nice try, but no changing the subject. Answer the questions."

I shook my head. "I don't have to do anything,"

"Answer my questions or I tell your father and Emmett." My eyes widened and my breathing hitched. Edward looked at me knowingly. "I'm assuming you wouldn't want that?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You don't play fair," Edward shrugged. "I never said I did."

"So you answer my questions, and I don't tell anybody about this?" He held out his hand for me to shake. "Deal?"

I sighed, and took his hand. I did my best to ignore the electric current. "Deal, but I have a say in what questions I do and don't answer. " Edward opened his mouth to argue but I didn't let him speak. "You're lucky that I'm even going along with this Edward. I don't trust you, I don't even know if I _can. _This isn't easy for me. I've known you for what? A week? Not even?"

Edward nodded. "You're right, sorry." I let my hand linger in his for a moment before slowly taking my hand back. I already missed the warmth of his hand.

"So… ask away." I mumbled. _Oh shit. _I thought. _What have I gotten myself into? _

"Okay…so you said that you had been in therapy for a year. What was that all about?" He asked.

I sighed, and ran my fingers through my hair. _That's easy enough. _"I had been going through a lot, for a while and one day I couldn't handle it anymore. That's when I got admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I was there for a little over twelve months, I had just gotten out the day I moved here, which will be two weeks ago this Friday."

Edward nodded slowly, and rubbed his chin. I could see a faint hint of stubble growing. He was troubled by what I was telling him, it was obvious. I still wasn't sure what possessed me to go along with this game.

"What do you mean you "couldn't handle your life anymore"?

"Pass,"

"Why?"

I looked down at the table. I studied the different swirls of brown in the wood. "I just couldn't take it anymore," I whispered. My voice sounded weak and broken.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I saw Phil's face in my mind. I could still feel his hands on my skin, I could still feel him moving forcefully within me. I could still _him, _his presence forever haunting me. I wondered if I'd ever break free.

"Bella, shh it's okay, stop crying. Shh." Edward's voice broke me out of my train of thought.

"Edward I'm sorry, I just _can't.__" _I sobbed. Edward pulled me out of my chair and into his lap. He crushed me to his chest, as I fought to forget. I was thankful for Edward's presence in this moment. I can feel myself falling apart at the seems, right now Edward Cullen is the glue holding me together.

I clung to Edward as my chest heaved. He wrapped his arms around my torso and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I cried into his shoulder as he tried to get me to calm down.

"Please don't cry. I don't want to see you cry." He whispered in my ear.

Several moments later I was composed enough to talk. I leaned back a little so that I could look at Edward's face. He smiled down at me. "Are you alright?" I shrugged. "I've been worse,"

"Bella will you promise me something?" Edward asked his voice tight and thick with worry.

"Anything," I vowed.

"If you ever feel like you have to do anything like this please call someone."

I nodded.

"Say it out loud, say that you promise me." His voice was strained and pleading. _Who was I to deny him? _

"Say it,"

"I promise," I whispered in his ear. He hugged me tighter. "Thank you,"

"One more question?" He asked.

I nodded slowly, as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"What exactly made you come down here in the first place?" He asked.

I sighed. "I had a nightmare," I began. "Well not really a nightmare, it was more of a flashback."

"Of what?"

"My mom's death," I told him. He nodded in understanding, "ah, I see. I'm sorry Bella."

I shrugged. "It's not your fault," _it's mine. _I thought the last part. Saying that would just have opened a whole new can of worms, that I just wasn't ready to open. Hell, I didn't even know if I was ready for _this _can of worms to be open.

Edward knows part of my secret. Even now, I still wasn't sure if I could trust him. However, despite my uncertainty I found myself at ease about everything I had just told him. I almost couldn't believe it, I actually opened up to Edward. I had known him for a week now, maybe not even a that long and I just up and told him a huge part of my past. I shook my head in disbelief, _what is wrong with me? _

I took the time now, to revel in how _right _it felt to be in Edward's arms. It was like I was made to fit. Like a puzzle piece. The electric current running through every limb in my entire body. It felt like every nerve ending I had was on fire. The feeling was similar to the feeling I get when I cut, only better.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Hmm?"

"How did your mom die?" I asked as I played with the hair on the nape of his neck. He sighed deeply. He placed his hand on the small of my back. He drew lazy circles as he answered my question.

"She, ah...she," he gulped, "someone killed her."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. He put his arms around my waist and squeezed gently. "It's not your fault," he quoted me.

"What happened to your father?" I asked. I felt Edward tense in my arms. "I'd rather not talk about him," he told me. I felt his jaw clench. I nodded. "Alright,"

"Bella shouldn't you go to bed?"

"Not tired."

"Me either," he chuckled once.

"Do you suppose we could just talk?" I suggested. He smiled. "Okay,"

"I have a question," I told him. "What?"

I smiled. "If you could go back to any time period what would it be? And why?"

Edward's laugh shook me lightly. "That wasn't what I was expecting."

"What do you mean?"

"I was expecting a more serious question."

I laughed lightly. "Oh,"

Edward sighed, and rested his chin on the top of my head. "Probably the fifties,"

"Why?"

"The 50's had the best music, of course. What about you?"

"I would go back to the 80's because I love the fashion and the music."

"What is your favorite kind of music by the way?"

I smiled, "I generally like everything. I particularly like metalcore, metal, and pop-punk music though."

"Metal?" He raised an eyebrow at me. I shrugged in response.

We talked aimlessly for hours. I learned that his favorite color was brown and that his favorite gem stone was Blue Topaz. He hates the book _Wuthering Heights_, but he loves _Romeo and Juliet. _I smiled widely when he told me that. _Romeo and Juliet _was my favorite also. I also learned that his dream car was a black _Aston Martin Vanquish_.

In return I told him that my favorite bands are Miss May I, Sleeping With Sirens, and Pierce The Veil. I told him that my favorite gem stone was Emerald, and that I hated gold rings, and pickles. He laughed at that. I told him that me dream car was a black convertible _GT Mustang, _and that I loved romance novels. I told him that my favorite movie was The Notebook, and that I makes me cry every time.

Eventually my eyes started to droop. "Bella it's 3 am, you should go to bed."

"So should you."

He chuckled.

I got up off his lap, and he followed me over to the counter. I leaned back against the counter as we looked up at each other. His face was so close to mine, I could feel his cool breath fanning against my face and I could see small specks of gold in his irises. He leaned his face down closer to mine, and I smiled up at him.

"G'night, Edward." I whispered.

"Night Bella."


	16. Chapter 15

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter fifteen.**

The annoying beeping of my alarm clock and the loud ringing from my phone woke me up. Groaning I reached over for my alarm clock and pressed the snooze button. My phone stopped ringing, and beeped indicating that I had a missed call and a new voicemail. I pulled my phone off the charger and flipped it open. I squinted my eyes as the bright light blinded me. I blinked rapidly and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as they adjusted to the change in lighting.

The call was from a number I didn't know. I pressed 'listen to voicemail' and typed in my five number password.

"_Hello Bella. This is Edward, Alice gave me your number. I just wanted to call and say good morning. Call me when you get this message. Bye." _

I laid in my bed gaping at the phone. Edward just called me. The previous night re-played in my mind. Edward knew part of my deepest darkest secret. He caught me right before I was about to break my biggest promise. I owe him. Like I _really_ owe him. I don't know what I would've done if I actually _did _cut. I knew very well that I shouldn't have even _thought _about cutting. I should've called Tia.

Sighing I quickly saved Edward's number in my phone. I looked for his name in my address book, and highlighted it. I pressed the green button before I could loose my nerve. My palms got sweaty as the phone rang. My heart was beating frantically; I wouldn't be surprised if it beat out of my chest. My frantic heart stopped beating when the ringing was cut off by Edward's voice.

"_Bella?" _Edward's musical voice sounded in my ear.

"Hey, I-ah…um got your…message." Could I sound anymore stupid? I mentally kicked myself for being so fucking nervous.

"_I just wanted to say good morning," _

"Why didn't you just text me?" I asked him, and smacked myself on the forehead with the heel of my hand at my awkwardness.

"_I sorta wanted to hear your voice." _He spoke just above a whisper. I couldn't help but smile at him. I enjoyed hearing his voice as well though, not that I'd ever tell him that.

_"How are you feeling?"_ He asked after a few moments of awkward silence.

"I'm alright, I guess. I'm sorry you had to see that emotional breakdown."

"_Bella don't apologize. If I wasn't there you might have done something that you'd regret." _

"You're right. Which that reminds me, thank you so much. I owe you."

"_You don't owe me anything," _Except I really did owe him everything, he may not know it but he was forever in my debt for what he did for me last night.

I took a deep breath. "Edward can I ask you something?"

"_Of course," _He replied instantly. "You said that you got in a fight with your parents last night, I was wondering what that was about?" Edward's breathing hitched and he groaned softly. _"I was hoping that you wouldn't bring that up." _

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. _"Don't be, it's just that it's a long complicated story."_

"I've got time," I responded.

"_I really don't want to talk about it, okay?" _He snapped into the receiver, his tone surprised me. "Oh, sorry..." I snapped back. "I should probably get going now, I need to get up and ready."

"_Bella I'm sorry, I should've have snapped at you like that." _

"See you at school, Edward." I told him. _"Bella wait!" _I snapped the phone shut and sat it on my nightstand. I slid off my bed and stretched. "Mmm-ah," I groaned as my calf muscles and biceps stretched out. I leaned over and snatched the bag of toiletries off of my dresser, and plugged in my straightener before running to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, I switched on the water and waited for it to reach a comfortable temperature. I quickly stripped my clothes and threw them into the clothes hamper in the corner.

I wondered why Edward had gotten so defensive and snappy. I stepped in the shower and moaned softly as the scorching water washed away my tension. I didn't understand Edward. One minute he's soft and caring and the next he's a complete asshole. I swear, the man is bipolar or something. I tried to wipe my mind of all thoughts Edward Cullen as I finished up my shower. The task was a bit harder than I would've liked. I hated that I was becoming so attached to him in such a small amount of time.

I turned off the water and grabbed a towel from the rack, wrapping it securely around my body. I stepped out of the shower and quickly dried my body off. I rung the water out of my hair, and ruffled it a bit with the towel. When I was finished I wrapped the towel around my body once more. I quickly brushed my teeth and applied make up.

I made my way to my room, and quickly dressed for school. I slipped on my beat up chucks, and cracked my knuckles before brushing out my hair that was mostly dry. I quickly straightened it.

I picked my phone up and slid it into my pocket. I put my iPod ear phones in my ear. I hoped that the sounds of my favorite band would take my mind off of Edward. I grabbed my books, and skipped downstairs. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed my usual granola bar. Emmett and I walked silently out to his Jeep. I think he could tell that something was wrong with me, but for once he didn't pry and I was thankful.

We reached the Forks High parking lot in a matter of minutes. He pulled his Jeep up next to Rosalie's BMW. I noticed Edward standing next to his Volvo with Jasper. I stepped out of the Jeep, and smiled when Alice hopped out of her Porsche and skipped over to me.

"Hey!" I said. Alice grinned at me. "Hey, I saw these shoes and they would be _perfect_ for you!" She exclaimed. She pulled out her phone and showed me a picture. The shoes were rather cute. They were _Jazz Leopard Printed Pony and Elaphe snake skin shoe's_ by _Jimmy Choo_. "Are they from the 2009 autumn winter collection?" I exclaimed. I snatched the phone from her hand and held it up inches from my face. "I love the Jazz leopard print! And the snake skin straps are _gorgeous!_" Alice squealed and nodded in agreement.

"You have a great eye!" Rose said in awe. I shrugged. "Jimmy Choo shoes are my guilty pleasure." I told her. "Women," Jasper scoffed. Alice, Rose and I glared at him. Edward's mouth twitched as he fought a smile. I blushed furiously when I looked at Edward. Edward – sensing my gaze – looked up. When our eyes met I blushed darker and was suddenly _very _interested in the picture on Alice's phone.

"Stop gaping over a shoe and come on," Edward snapped at us. I rolled my eyes and him, resisting the urge to flip him the bird.

The rest of the day passed by quickly. Before I knew it I was sitting in English counting down the seconds until the bell rang.

When the bell rang I quickly gathered my stuff. "Bella can I talk to you?" Edward asked. I groaned inwardly. He was being quite rude today, I wasn't in the mood to deal with his bipolar.

What Edward?"

"Are you upset with me?" He asked. I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "No, I'm just acting like a bitch for fun!" I sneered sarcastically.

"Well you could've fooled me."

"Asshole," I sneered as I walked out of the door. Edward was following right behind me. "Bitch,"

"Fuck you Edward," I spat as I made my way to my locker. I put my books in my locker and grabbed the pair of black soccer shorts, my sleeveless blue Spartans soccer team shirt, and cleats I kept for soccer practice out of my locker. I went into the bathroom to change. I saw Jess and Angie putting their hair up in the mirrors when I walked in.

"Hey guys," I said. I walked into the stall and quickly changed my clothes. I threw off my chucks and put on my cleats.

"I can't get over how nice your calves are!" Jess giggled when I stepped out. I blushed lightly. "Thanks,"

"Come to my locker with me?" Jess and Angie nodded. We darted out of the bathroom. After putting my clothes and phone in my locker, we headed outside.

Lauren was standing in the middle of the field in a pair of slutty tight shorts; if they were any shorter they'd look like underwear.

"Who the wears shorts like that to soccer practice?" I mumbled.

"Lauren obviously," Angie replied loudly. Lauren shot daggers at her. "Ya know as captain I could kick your ass off this team." She threatened. I tried to hide my laughter behind a cough.

"And as a black belt I could just kick your ass." Angie retorted. This time I did laugh, along with everybody else on the team.

Coach Clapp walked over to us and blew her whistle. "Alright ladies, championships are coming up. If we beat Port Angles this Friday, we're there," she began. Girls on the team 'whooped' and squealed. Angie, Jess and I grinned widely at each other. "If we practice hard and keep our head in the game we could win this!" She finished.

"Swan this is going to be your first game with us, but I know you won't let us down!" I smiled hugely at her. "Go goalie," she instructed and tilted her head twoard the goal.

Nodding I sprinted toward the goal. Emily handed me the gloves and I quickly slid them on. I expertly blocked every hit that came my way. I ended up with a few grass stains but I didn't really care.

"Great practice girls, see you Thursday." Coach Clapp announced and blew her whistle. Exhausted and covered in sweat Angie, Jess and I made our way inside.

"Bye guys!" I called when they ran off to change.

"Bye!" Jess shouted. "See ya!" Angie called. Smiling I walked down the hallway. I was passing the music room when I heard someone playing piano beautifully. I stood up on my tip toes and peaked through the window. I gasped. Edward's hands were flying over the keys expertly. I could only see the back of him, but I knew from the bronze, disheveled locks that it was him.

Edward played beautifully. His hands were so strong, so sure as he grazed the keys of the piano. I closed my eyes as I was absorbed by the un-familiar tune. I opened the door slowly and stepped in. I leaned against the wall as I listened to Edward play. He abruptly stopped, and put his head in his hands.

"Why'd you stop?" I asked. Edward jumped and turned around. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I apologized. "You're amazing," I continued. Edward frowned and stood up.

"Hasn't anyone told you it's rude to eavesdrop?" He sneered. I winced at his tone. "What's your problem?" I spat.

"Leave me alone," He growled and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

What was his problem? I let out a loud roar of frustration, I wanted to punch something. I didn't understand how a person could go from caring, sweet, and kind to a total dick within twelve hours. I wasn't going to pretend that I knew why Edward all of a sudden was acting like I total prick. I may not know what his problem is but there was one thing, however that I am sure of he just destroyed the tiny bit of trust I was beginning to instill in him.

**-raybabiieex3**


	17. Chapter 16

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter sixteen.**

The rest of the week passed by slowly. The same routine every morning, the same thing every afternoon. It was highly aggravating. Every Monday and Thursday afternoon I had soccer practice, every Wednesday and Friday I had appointments with Dr. Mallory.

It was only a few days earlier that I found out Lauren Mallory was his daughter. I was ranting about how much of a shriveled bitch she was, and how much her bottle blonde hair pissed me off when Dr. Mallory told me that Lauren was his daughter. I blushed like crazy and shot out apologies. To my intense surprise he wasn't angry. He laughed and told me that Lauren could be a handful. I rolled my eyes at that. A handful my ass. She was a fucking _bitch. _And I hated her.

Edward was still being an ass. I didn't get it. One day he's being kind and compassionate and the next he's acting like he has a stick up his ass. I'm hot 'n cold with him. Sometimes I like him and sometimes I hate him.

On the rare occasions that he actually acts like a normal human being I can see myself slowly falling for him, then he goes and fucks it up by acting like an ass. I try really hard _not _to like him, but I'm finding myself failing miserably. Despite his rudeness, he's just too likeable for his own good. I couldn't stand it.

Wanting to get my mind off of Edward, I decided to go for a run. It was a nice Tuesday afternoon. Surprisingly it wasn't raining, and the air was a nice 60 degrees. I pulled on a pair of yoga pants and I took off my big T shirt leaving me in just a plain black tank top. I slipped on a pair of old _Nikes_ before putting my hair up in a high pony tale. I didn't have any pockets, so I just stuck my phone inside my shirt. I grabbed my iPod before heading out. I knocked on Emmett's door.

"Yeah?" He called.

"I'm goin' for a run. I'll be back in a few hours.'"

"M'kay,"

With that I put my ear phones in, shutting myself out from the world and sprinted out the house. As usual I failed miserably at keeping my thoughts away from Edward. _Maybe he was acting weird because he knows my secret. _It was a possibility. I didn't really make much sense, but it was the only explanation that I could come up with. I shook my head angrily, trying to get him out of my head. I turned the music up on my iPod, and took off into a full run.

A few hours later I trudged into the house. My hair was falling out of it's pony hail, and some pieces were sticking out haphazardly. I went straight for the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Gatorade. I chugged half the bottle before sitting it down on the table.

"Ah," I sighed and wiped my mouth. I walked into the living room to find Charlie lounging on the couch watching a baseball game on ESPN. I plopped down on the couch next to him.

"Hey kiddo, how was your run?" He asked. "It was good."

"Where's Emmett?" I asked him. The house seemed bizarrely quiet without my brother. "Oh, he's out with Rosalie. Why? You don't want to spend time with dear ol' dad?"

I laughed. "No, I was just wondering." He laughed to and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I snuggled into his side. "I missed you so much when mom took me away." I whispered and played with the hem of his flannel shirt. I curled my feet up on the couch as I leaned on my father.

"Bells…" Charlie's breath hitched. "I always wished that you were there. I knew that you would've protected me." A few tears leaked out of my eyes. I tried to hold them in. Charlie wasn't scared of much, but tears sent him running in the opposite direction. It surprised me when he pulled me onto his lap and hugged me tight.

"I know Bells. I know," He murmured. It felt right being in Charlie's arms. Not the rightness and fire I felt whilst being in Edward's but the warmness and safeness was still exactly the same. I never wanted to leave Charlie again. I loved him so much, I couldn't find the words to explain. I suppose that I'm a bit of a daddy's girl.

"I love you Dad," I told him. He kissed me on the forehead. "Love you too, you're still my little girl."

**~ooOoo~**

"We are going to go out there, and kick Port Angels' ass!" Coach Clapp yelled while we were in the locker room getting ready to head out to the field for the game.

"They are on our tuff, we _can't _let them win!" She shouted. "Alright, everybody out! Let's do this!"

We all jogged out to the field I followed right behind Jessica while Angela followed behind me. The crowd roared when we got out to the field. With my gloves on I jogged over to the goal. Jessica and Angela were my defenders. Thank god. I didn't want to deal with anybody else. I watched as the ref got the ball and put it into play. Despite my extreme hate for Lauren. I have to admit she's pretty good. She stole the field with a vigor. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her, dribbling the ball and staying in control, as she kicked it to Kim, one of the forwards. Kim nutmeged the Port Angels defenders. She tricked the goalie by curving the ball.

"YES!" I shouted, and pumped the air with my fists. The Port Angels goalie threw the ball back into the field. My team's offence was extremely good. Lauren stole the ball from someone heading towards our side of the field, and she dashed to kick it. But another girl from Port Angels got her feet on the ball. She passed it to another one of her team mates, and she faked Jess out by doing a multiple scissors move, and kicking it to the right.

I dove for the ball. I got it just with my fingers and pushed it forward. I landed on the ground with a thud. I looked up through my lashes to see another one of my team mates dribbling the ball.

Jess gave me a thumbs up. I smiled triumphantly. As I got up from the ground I felt something wet hit my arm. I looked up at the sky in surprise. It started to rain. I smiled wickedly.

I loved playing soccer in the rain. I love the rain really. I didn't when I first moved to Forks, but after the first week or so Forks grew on me. The scenery was beautiful green. It reminded me of Edward's eyes. I scolded myself. I needed to stop thinking about that boy but I couldn't help myself.

The first half of the game flew by. I had only missed two shots out of the whole game so I was pretty damned proud of myself. The rain had picked up dramatically. The fields were drenched and muddy, I wasn't complaining though.

Lauren was trying to curve the ball when she slipped. I could here her high pitched scream of pain over the roar of the rain and crowd. I cringed. Coach Clapp called a time out, and we all rushed over to her. She had tears in her eyes. Coach Clapp carried her over to the side lines were the medic checked her out. Minutes later Coach jogged over to us.

"She sprained her ankle, Swan you take her place and I'll have Emily goalie."

"What?" I shouted in disbelief. "I can't be the center forward! Do you _want _us to lose?"

"Stop being so melodramatic. You're our second best center forward, now get in position!" She spat. Sighing I slid off my gloves and handed them over to Emily. Jess and Angie beamed at me.

"You'll do great," they both said in unison. I nodded slowly. "Okay, okay," my voice was an octave higher than usual.

I jogged over to the half-way line. I could hear the midfielders cheering for me as I cracked my neck and knuckles.

_I can do this. _My mind screamed as the ref put the ball in play. I lunged for the ball, and started dribbling toward the goal. I saw that Kim was open so I shot the ball at her, she caught the ball with her foot and shot it in the goal.

The adrenaline rush was intoxicating. I soared down the field, as I shot passed Port Angels' midfielders. I was surprised with myself. I had made almost every goal, except one. I had slipped on the mud quite a few times as I made goals, but that made it fun.

With only seconds left in the game, I rushed forward as the rain beat down on me. Kim was trying to get pass the defenders but they had her blocked off in a corner. She rainbow kicked the ball towards me, and it flew over my head. I heaved my left leg in the air, somehow managing to time it right and lifted my right leg and bicycle kicked the ball. I heard the crowd roar, and the announcer shout: "that had to be the shot of the season!" I landed on my knees when I kicked the ball, my shorts and knee high socks were covered in mud.

Jessica and Angela ran over to me screaming. "Oh my god!" Jess screeched. "We're going to championships!" I yelled with Angie. I quickly stood up and embraced Jess and Angie in a group hug. We jumped up and down with excitement. We all squealed, the rest of the team ran over to us.

"That was amazing!" Kim squealed. "You rocked!" Emily shouted. "You did too!" I told her.

Coach Clapp sprinted toward us. "We are going to championships!" She screamed loudly. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole field heard her.

The rest of the team, including me shook hands with Port Angles and told them it was a good game.

I was covered in mud and soaked when I met up with Emmett and Charlie. Emmett embraced me in a bone crushing bear hug, not caring that I was wet and dirty. "Holy hell!" He shouted.

"Cutting…off…air…supply!" I choked out. Emmett put me down immediately. "Sorry," I opened my mouth to say something but Charlie picked me up and swung me around in a circle.

"You did great baby girl! I had no clue you could play like that!" He exclaimed. I giggled. "Daddy stop!" He put me down, and squeezed my shoulders. I noticed Edward smiling out of the corner of my eye, I tried not to care.

Alice and Rose ran over to me. "A bicycle kick?" They both shouted in unison.

Jasper came up and wrapped his arm around Alice. "Yeah seriously Bella, how'd you learn that?"

"I dunno, it was a spur of the moment thing. It was the only shot I could do with the amount of time we had left in the game, and because the ball was so high up in the air."

"Well, at least we're going to championships." I heard Lauren sneer from behind me. I turned around. She was on crutches and her ankle was wrapped up.

"Don't get used to this. You're going to be stuck back in the goal box where you belong after my ankle is better."

I rolled my eyes at her. "You're lucky Coach doesn't make me center forward and stick _you _in the goal box." I told her. She huffed and rolled her eyes. "It was a lucky shot anyways. I could've done it easily." I scoffed. "Whatever cripple." I heard Alice, and Rosalie giggling behind me.

"I don't know why you guys are laughing, at least soccer is a _real_ sport." Lauren drawled out, pointing at Alice and Rose. "Don't you have pom-poms to throw up in the air or something?" She continued. Rose glared and drew her fist back. "Rose don't. As much as I'd like to, it's not worth it." Alice said through her teeth.

"Lauren! Come on sweetie, what are you doing?" A man called, as he walked up behind Lauren. I recognized the man as Dr. Mallory. "Oh, hello Bella." Dr. Mallory greeted me, I nodded in response. "That was a great game you played."

I gave him a small smile and mumbled a soft "thank you" under my breath. "Come on Lauren, we need to get you home." He told his daughter. "It was nice seeing you Bella, see you on Monday."

"Sure thing, Dr. Mallory." I replied.

Alice, Rose and I walked quietly to the car. I could tell that they hated Lauren almost as much as I did. Edward walked up behind me, and tapped me on the shoulder. "You did great out there." He complimented me. I tried to keep my face from expressing the way his voice made me feel. The butterflies that I felt in my stomach practically made me throw up every time I was within a few feet of Edward.

"So, are you being nice today?" I asked sarcastically.

"No," he chuckled, smiling his crooked smile. I rolled my eyes at him, and walked away.

"Are you up for spending the night at my house tonight?" Alice asked. I shrugged. "Sure, I just have to ask." Rose smiled smugly "we already asked for you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay, well I still need to go home and get some stuff. Plus take a shower."

"You can take a shower at my place." Alice told me. "And we've already got your stuff." Rose added.

"Are you guys planning something?" I asked suspiciously. They shook their heads. "We just has this feeling that you'd try to get out of it." Rose said.

"Have fun Bells," Charlie told me. I nodded. "M'kay, bye dad." Charlie kissed me on the forehead. "See ya kiddo," He hopped into the passenger side of Emmett's jeep.

"Bye Jingle Bells!" Emmett called after he gave Rose a goodbye hug and kiss. "Bye Emmey!" I called back.

Edward got into Volvo, while Jasper kissed Alice goodbye. After that, Edward and Jasper sped off. Leaving me Alice and Rosalie alone with the BMW.

"Can I drive?" I asked excitedly. "You aren't legal yet." Rose said firmly.

"Yeah, but I get my license soon!" I pouted and gave them my miracle working puppy dog eyes.

"Fine," Rose huffed. I squealed when she handed me the keys. I excitedly hopped into the drivers seat and put the keys in the ignition. The ride back to Alice's was comfortably silent, every now and then Alice would speak up telling me where to turn. Moments later I pulled Rosalie's BMW into a long winding drive way met my a large white mansion. It was beautiful. The house was timeless and graceful. Easily a hundred years old. It was painted a soft white color, and it had a huge windows.

"Wow," I breathed.

"You like it?" Alice asked as she handed me my bag. I followed her and Rosalie up the steps.

"I love it. It's so beautiful."

Alice giggled. "Thanks, tell that to my mom." We stepped inside and I gasped quietly. The outside of the house was beautiful, so I initially thought that the inside was going to be extraordinary.

Boy was I right.

The first floor must have been several rooms, but the walls looked like they had been removed to create a larger space. The back, south-facing wall had been entirely replaced with glass, and beyond the shade of the cedars the lawn stretched bare wide to the river. A massive curving staircase dominated the west side of the room. The walls, the high-beamed ceiling, the wooden floors, and the thick carpets were all varying shades of white.

"I can't meet your parents like this! I'm covered in mud and sweat!" I hissed.

"Mom!" Alice squealed. "This is Bella!" I blinked and smiled at Alice's mom. She was beautiful, her chocolate brown hair stopped mid shoulder and hung straight. She had deep brown eyes, that were a few shades darker than my own.

"Daddy!" Alice rejoiced when a man walked into the room. He was breathtakingly beautiful. He had nothing on Edward but he was still amazingly good looking. He had bleach blonde hair that was slicked back, in a way that looked handsome and not nerdy. He had piercing ice blue eyes, and he was wearing a light beige sweater, with expensive looking khaki pants.

"Hello," I mumbled. I felt uncomfortable, I wasn't good with parents. I especially wasn't good with meeting people for the first time. Knowing that these people were also Edward's parents made this situation a whole lot more awkward for me.

"I'm sorry we have to meet like this Mrs. Cullen. I don't usually look like this." I apologized.

Alice's mom laughed. "It's alright dear, did you at least win the game?"

I smiled proudly. "Yes, we did."

"Congratulations dear."

"Thank you Mrs. Cullen, and it's very nice to meet you." I smiled. I looked over at Alice's dad. "It's a pleasure to meet you as well Dr. Cullen."

"Heavens child, call me Esme. Mrs. Cullen makes me feel old." She said lightly. I nodded. "Esme."

"None of that Dr. Cullen business. Call me Carlisle." Alice's dad told me. I smiled, and nodded "okay, Carlisle."

I quickly took my cleats off so that I wouldn't track mud in the house. "Why don't you hand those to me? I'll put them out back for you." Esme said.

"No it's alright." I told her.

"Nonsense," I smiled slightly and handed my muddy cleats to Esme. "Thank you."

"You're welcome dear" she said.

"Come on let's go!" Alice squealed. She pulled me by my hand up the stairs. Alice's room looked how I expected it to look. She had light pink walls, clothes all over her floor and a huge pile of fashion magazines in the corner.

"Can I take a shower?" I asked. Alice nodded vigorously. I smiled and grabbed my night shorts, a clean tank top, clean underwear and my bag of toiletries out of my bag. Emmett actually did a good job at getting my stuff. I frowned. That means Emmett had been going through my underwear drawer. Gross. I shuddered.

"What was that for?" Rose asked.

"The thought of Emmett going through my underwear drawer." I answered.

Rose laughed lightly. "Alice and I got your things not, Em."

"Thank god!" I called over my shoulder. I walked into Alice's bathroom. It was huge. She had make up and face cleansers all over the sink counter. She had butterfly shower curtains and pink fuzzy bathroom carpets and toilet seat covers. I quickly stripped my uniform, and turned the hot water on. I pulled my hair out of the pony tail, and stepped in. I rolled my shoulders as the hot water washed away the dirt and tension from my back. I couldn't feel it before, but my calves were pretty sore from all the running.

I massaged my scalp, lost in my thoughts. I quickly washed off the dirt and sweat. I made sure to scrub my hair extra good. When I was done, I stepped out and wrapped one of the big white towels around me. I dried my body off and wrung my hair out. I ruffled my hair out, so that it would dry a little. I pulled on the clean clothes, and looked around Alice's bathroom counter for a brush. I found one and quickly brushed my hair before putting it back in place. I put my hair up in a messy bun before hanging the towel up to dry. I picked up my uniform and walked out of the bathroom.

Alice and Rosalie were sitting on Alice's huge bed eating cake.

"Hey!" Alice rejoiced. I folded my uniform up and put it in my soccer bag.

Rose handed me a plate of cake. I took it and smiled "Thanks."

The back of my mind was screaming at me to not take the cake. It had too many calories. I had just burned off thousands of them and I was just going to gain them back. I did my best to ignore it. I took a bite out of the cake. It was soft, moist and absolutely delicious. The chocolate tasted wonderful on my tongue, I moaned slightly.

Rose smiled wickedly. "It's good isn't it?"

"Mmhmm," I nodded. Alice giggled "mom makes the best cake."

"Amen to that!" I exclaimed.

Alice finished her cake and sat her plate on the night stand. "What's going on with you and Edward?" She asked. The randomness and bluntness of Alice's question surprised me.

"What?"

"Don't play coy, you _so _like him!" Alice giggled. I blushed and averted my eyes. I was suddenly very interested in the color of my night shorts. "I KNEW IT!" Alice screeched.

"BELLA AND EDWARD SITTING IN A TREE!" Alice screamed loudly.

"Shut up!" I hissed "we're not five, let's act like adults." Alice and Rose giggled at my annoyed tone.

"So you like him?" Alice asked.

"Yes, I like Edward!" I huffed.

"Oh my god! You guys are perfect for each other!" Alice exclaimed, Rose nodded in agreement. I rolled my eyes "he's a complete douche bag unfortunately."

"That's how you know he cares!" Alice said.

"How does that make sense at all?" I replied, shaking my head. "He probably likes you too, so he's pushing you away by acting like an ass." Rose commented, taking another bite of her cake.

"Typical Edward" Alice frowned.

"How do you expect me to get passed his defensive crap?"

"Don't let him be an ass to you, but show him that you're not going anywhere." Alice replied. "It's simple, really." Rose added.

"I guess so" I mumbled.

The rest of the night went by without anymore talk about Edward. Rose painted my nails, while Alice bragged about Jasper and his 'abilities' which I tired to tune out. Rose tried talking about Emmett, but I couldn't take it. Who wants to hear about their brother's sexcapades? Not me, that's for sure.

By 2 AM we were all beat and decided to go to sleep.

I was woken up by Alice's frantic voice and Rose shaking me. I shot up out of bed. I was breathing heavy and covered in a cold sweat. I put my hand to my chest. It was all so _real. _I could smell the Jack Daniels on Phil's breath, and I could feel clammy palms on my body. I scratched at my arm, as I tried to make those images of Phil go away.

"Are you alright?" Alice's voice was exasperated and thick with worry. "Who's' Phil?"


	18. Chapter 17

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter seventeen. **

I felt some kind of strange déjà vu as Alice and Rosalie looked at me expectantly. The worry and curiosity was evident it their eyes. Alice's eyes held the same emotions that Edward's did the night he stopped me from cutting. I wondered why this was happening to me, why was everyone around me was slowly starting to find out my secrets?

These part of my past that I didn't want anyone to know were slowly starting to come out. I just wanted it all to go away. I wanted the cutting urge to go away. I wanted the nightmares to stop. I wanted the nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that I was fat to shut up.

I wanted everything to just _stop. _

Was it so much to ask? To just forget and never look back? To never have to worry about being in pain anymore? What did I do to deserve all this?

The answer seemed horribly obvious. _Renee._ She's dead because of _me_. I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me and the cost is more than I can bear. All of this shit, everything that I've put up with these last few years is the universe's way of punishing me for causing my mother's suicide.

I felt a set of arms wrap around me. "Bella honey?" Alice whispered. "Can you tell us what's wrong?" I shook my head frantically from side to side as I fought tears. I thought of what I would say to them. In all honesty I really had no clue. I knew that I didn't want to lie to them, but I also knew that I didn't want to tell them the truth.

I could feel the overwhelming sense of pain, and sorrow fill me as silent tears ran down my cheeks.

"Phil is my step-dad," I breathed. My voice was just above a whisper but I knew they heard me, because they gasped softly. I could feel their eyes on me, I didn't have the courage to look up at them. We were silent for a few moments, and I got the feeling that they were holding something back.

I looked up at Rosalie "what aren't you guys saying?" Rose looked away, and Alice closed her eyes.

"Seriously, what?" I demanded.

"You were crying in your sleep," Alice said. "You were begging Phil to stop touching you, and to leave you alone." My eyes widened, and I looked down at the bed in shame. I couldn't bring myself to speak.

"Is h-he the reason you moved here?" Rosalie asked. I nodded "I needed to get away. I couldn't stay in Phoenix anymore, it was too much."

"Tell us what happened." Alice whispered.

"I… I... can't."

"Do Emmett and your dad know?" Alice asked.

"Yes," I took a deep breath "they both know."

"Can you please tell us what happened?" Rosalie asked softly. Thunder crackled loudly outside making us all jump. I glanced over at the clock on Alice's night stand. It read 5:23 AM.

"I really don't think I can." I whispered. Rose patted my leg. "You can trust us, you know."

I nodded slowly. "I know... I know... I just... there's some things that I don't talk about." After a few moments of silence Alice spoke up. "You know that I'm adopted?" she asked me.

I nodded. "Edward told me."

"Did he tell you _why_?" She whispered. I shook my head slowly. "We were poor, and lived in a beat up tenement in Chicago. Our father was Edward Mason SR. and our mother was Elizabeth, she was so kind and warm." Alice's voice broke slightly on the end.

"Alice you don't have to…" I whispered.

"I _want _to." She told me.

"My father was never a kind man, he was a drunk really. He would go out to the bar, get completely trashed and thrown out of the building and eventually stumble into the house around three in the morning. It was a nightly thing. He would hit mom and me. Edward tried to protect us, but dad always had the upper hand." I could hear the tears in her voice. I reached over and grabbed her hand in mine. Squeezing my hand tightly in hers she smiled sadly before continuing her story.

"Dad ended up getting really drunk one night, I don't ever remember seeing him this messed up. He made his way home around midnight, storming into the house. This kind of thing was completely normal for our family, but that night it felt different. I was sleeping when he got home, Edward always liked to stay up until dad passed out on the couch, just to make sure mom and I were safe." She took a deep breath before continuing.

"Mom was awake when he returned home that night, I woke up to them screaming at each other. All I could hear was dad yelling, and mom crying. Edward went downstairs to help mom, I begged him to leave it alone for once but he ignored my pleas. He went down to stop the fight, and ended up in the hospital with a concussion. Mom died that night, dad choked her to death in front of Edward. We were nine at the time." Alice's eyes were glazed over and her voice was slightly robotic as if she was in a different world.

I didn't know how to process what Alice had just told me. For one, a lot of things started to make sense. I finally knew why Edward needed therapy. I finally knew why Edward never wanted to talk about his father, and for good reason. I felt terribly sorry for him, and Alice too. I can't imagine the pain that they both went through, especially at such a young age. My heart broke for the both of them.

"We were sent to various foster homes for a year, and that's when Carlisle and Esme adopted us. Our last name was changed, we moved away from Chicago and we left our past behind. I dealt with what happened that night. I came to terms with it, Edward hasn't though. I don't think he ever will." Alice was crying then. I pulled her into my arms as she cried on my shoulder and Rosalie wrapped her arms around the both of us.

I felt the tears beginning to pool in my eyes, as I held Alice close. I whispered sweet things in her ear, hoping that she would calm down. I didn't want to see Alice cry. I couldn't stand it. I haven't known her for very long but I cared deeply for her, and I didn't want to see her hurting.

The three of us sad quietly for a few moments just holding each other. After a couple of minutes had passed I finally opened my mouth to speak.

"The first time he _touched_ me was after my mom died." I whispered, when Alice's sobbing came to a halt. I still wasn't comfortable talking about my past with anyone. Even Jane. But I felt _obligated? _I suppose. Alice had told me her past, in hopes of getting me to feel comfortable opening up so I felt as if it was the least I could do for her.

"I can't…I can't tell you the details. No one knows…n-not Emmett, or dad. I just…I can't relive all those nights. I just can't." I told them.

"It's okay, just tell us what you can." Rose whispered reassuringly.

"My mother met him when I was around seven, Emmett was about eight. He seemed okay at first, I never liked him though. I was ten when my mom took me and ran off to Arizona with him, for some reason Phil made her happy." I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath before continuing.

"The happiness didn't last long though, it was only a year after we had moved in together when he started hitting us. My mother, and I put up with it for years. When I was thirteen my mother took her own life, and that's when everything took a serious turn for the worse.

After she died he started sexually abusing me, it went on for a year or so before I finally couldn't take it anymore. I attempted suicide, and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a little over twelve months. On the day of my release I came here to live with Charlie and Emmett." I wasn't dreadfully sobbing like I expected I would be, but I couldn't stop the silent tears from rolling down my cheeks.

"I know that I left him back in Arizona, but I still _feel _him. I can see him in my mind. The nightmares are bad, really bad."

Alice crushed me to her chest. I could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks and I could see the tears running down Rosalie's. Rose grabbed my hand, and rubbed calming circles on the back of it with her thumb.

"Oh Bella…" Rose whispered.

"Please don't say anything," I begged them.

"We won't," Alice whispered in my hair.

"It'll be totally taboo, we won't even talk about it." Rose reassured me. I smiled sadly at her.

"Thank you." I smiled sadly at them. I had just met Alice, and Rosalie but I already saw them as my sisters. Granted they aren't Tia and Sam, but that didn't really matter. I had developed a deep trust for these girls, which surprised me greatly but I was happy. I knew from this point on that Alice, Rose and I would always be great friends.

**~ooOoo~**

"Aliiiicceeee!" I groaned as she pulled me into another store. We had been in the mall since it opened at 10AM. My feet were so sore that they were numb, and my arms felt like they were going to fall off at any moment.

Rosalie laughed at me. I scowled at her. "ALICE!" I shouted. She smiled widely at me. "Can we please leave, my feet hurt!" I begged. I loved shopping, but this was Chinese water torture.

"Under one condition!" She giggled. Her eyes glistened with mischief. I narrowed my eyes at her. What was she planning?

"Lay it on me,"

"Come to First beach with us tonight!" She exclaimed. I looked at her wryly. "Okay?"

"And you _have _to wear _this!" _She held up a midnight blue bikini. My eyes widened. "Alice you have got to be kidding me!" I wasn't sure if I had the confidence to pull it off. I wasn't comfortable looking at the thing, let alone actually wearing it in front of people.

"There's still a couple more stores that I'd like to browse through, if you're up for that." Alice grinned.

"Okay! I'll do it!" I told her. She squealed, and jumped up and down while clapping her hands together. "Yay!" I rolled my eyes at her London Tipton reaction. She picked up a pink bikini and a red one. I guessed they were for her and Rosalie. We quickly paid for them and left the mall. I groaned when I plopped down on in the back seat of Alice's Porche.

"I can't believe I'm going to wear that," I mumbled to myself.

"You talk like you've never worn a bikini before!" Rose said when we were strapped in. She turned around while Alice drove back down to Forks.

"I haven't" I admitted. Rose's mouth dropped open. I could see Alice's eyes widen in the rear view mirror.

"Why not?" Alice demanded. I shrugged. "I was never comfortable showing that much of my body," I told them. "I'm still not" I said just above a whisper. The scars on my stomach were far more worse than the scars on my arms. I didn't want to show them off. I didn't want Edward to know the extent of my problem, and I didn't want Alice and Rose to know about that problem at all.

Alice drove quickly, we made it back to her place in a matter of minutes. We dashed up stairs with our bags and sat them on Alice's bed. Alice pulled our bikinis out of the bag handing Rose the red one and me the midnight blue one.

"Edward will _love _this," Alice said wickedly, as I eyed the skimpy material. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"He won't be able to keep his eyes off you." She giggled.

"He had better, or Emmett will kill him." Rose called from the bathroom.

"Bella go put that on, we're leaving soon." Alice instructed as she shoved me into the bathroom when Rose walked out.

Groaning I ripped the tags off the swim suit and quickly stripped my clothes and put on the bikini. I gazed at myself in Alice's mirror. All the scars on my stomach were screaming at me. Anyone could clearly see them. I had gone over, over them so many times in my constant cutting sessions that the scars were a dark purple color.I ran my fingers over my abdomen, and sighed deeply.

Why did everything have to be so fucked up? I had no answer to that. I hesitantly walked back into Alice's room.

"You look great!" Rose exclaimed. I blushed deeply and wrapped my arms around my stomach. Rose looked positively sinful in her red bikini. She looked like she could be the model on the cover of _Sports Illustrated. _Alice would be right beside her on that cover. She looked beautiful. I felt so insignificant next to them.

Alice threw a pair of khaki shorts in my direction, I used my common sense, and figured she wanted me to put them on. I slid them up over the bikini bottoms. I grabbed a loose fitting white tank top from my bag, and slipped it over my head.

Alice slid on a pair of jean shorts while Rose slid on blue ones. We all pulled tank tops over our heads and grabbed the towels off the bed, before slipping on flip-flops and heading down stairs.

I squealed when I felt two strong arms sweep me up off the ground. I groaned when Emmett picked me up, and threw me over his shoulder.

"Emmett James Swan put me down right now!" I shouted as loud as I could. The whole room laughed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carlisle and Esme watching the display with amused expressions. I heard Alice squeal, and shout "Edward Anthony put me down this instant!" Edward walked up to were Emmett and I were standing and bumped fists with my brother. I rolled my eyes at their stupidity.

"Daddy tell Edward to stop!" Alice whined. Carlisle sighed "Edward put your sister down."

"That's not fair!" I groaned.

"Emmett put your sister down!" Rosalie hissed. Emmett stiffened at her tone and he dropped me. I fell to the floor with a loud thud. I growled and kicked Emmett's legs. He fell over. I tried to roll away from him, but he pulled me to him and he straddled my legs. He was facing the opposite way so I couldn't see his face. Then he was tickling my feet. I screamed, and burst out into a fit of giggles.

"Emmett! Stop!" I squealed. In an attempt to get away from him I gave him a wet Willie. He jumped off of me and I chuckled darkly.

"Jingle Bells!" He groaned.

"You started it!"

"_You _kicked me first!" He whined.

"_You_ threw me over your shoulder you big oaf!" I flicked him on the nose, and sauntered over to Alice and Rosalie.

"My brother is an idiot." I murmured. Alice giggled. "I know how that is." She glared at Edward. I followed her eyes and I bit my lip, as I gazed at him. As usual he looked breathtaking, I could barely stand it. He was wearing a tight fitting black beater with black swim trunks, I marveled at his God like beauty. I blushed as the butterflies attacked my insides, setting my nerves on fire. I tried to tell myself that I couldn't stand him – which most of the time I can't – but I always end up swooning over him.

Sensing my stare, Edward looked up at me. We held eye contact for a few moments, eventually I blushed and looked away. His eyes were truly amazing. They were deep pools of emerald green, that I got lost in every time I looked into them.

Everyone shouted their good-byes to her parents, as she yanked me outside to Emmett's jeep. Em jogged up to me. "Have you eaten today?" He whispered to me urgently.

I nodded. "Yes, Emmett."

He kissed the top of my head. "I worry about you Bella." He said a bit louder.

Rose walked up next to him. She smiled sadly at me, I smiled weakly back. The others followed behind us. I suppressed the urge to whine like a five year old when Rose hopped into the passenger side. That was my seat.

I sat in the back with Edward, Alice and Jasper. Alice was on Jasper's lap, and I was brushing up against Edward. I felt the all too familiar electric current surge through me, setting my body on fire. After what felt like an eternity we arrived at First Beach.

Emmett and the guys carried our things to the beach. After they sat everything down, the girls and I laid our towels out. Rose and Alice quickly stripped their clothes. I saw Jasper's eyes darken as he took in Alice's body. Emmett wiggled his eye brows at Rose. I grimaced. _Ew._

Alice and Rose eyed me expectantly. I sighed deeply. Not really wanting to show off my body. I knew that Emmett would sulk when he saw my stomach. He and Charlie didn't know the extent of my self-harming, neither did Edward. Tia and Jane were the only people who were actually aware of the severity of it. I looked over at Jasper, he was the only one in the group who was completely clueless about any of my secrets. I would prefer it to stay that way, but I knew my scars wouldn't escape his notice.

Reluctantly I peeled my shirt off, and pulled my bottoms down. Jasper and Emmett weren't paying any attention to me, they were too busy drooling over their girls. Alice and Rose were staring openly at my exposed skin.

I wrapped my arms around my stomach. They both raised an eyebrow at me, I shook my head at them. Their gazes lingered on where my crossed arms for a moment before turning to their men. They walked down to the water. Alice turned her head and shot me a concerned glance. I pretended that I didn't see it.

I sat down on my towel and leaned back on my hands. I felt someone's eyes on me. I glanced up through my lashes to see Edward staring at me intently. I followed his gaze, he was ogling the scars on my stomach. I bit my lip in embarrassment, and down cast my eyes. Edward sat down next to me, and sighed deeply.

"Bella?" He asked. I glanced at him, and raised an eyebrow.

"We shouldn't be friends, it'd be better that way." He told me. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I tried to keep Rosalie's and Alice's advice from last night in mind but it was proving to be especially difficult.

"I wish you would've figured that out sooner." I sneered as I stood up.

I started to walk away, but Edward snatched my hand. "Wait!" He said urgently.

"I thought you didn't want to be friends?" I asked, my voice cold and hard. "I said that it would be better if we weren't friends. Not that I didn't want to be."


	19. Chapter 18

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter eighteen.**

I skipped down stairs and made my way to the kitchen. I went to the fridge and pulled out the jelly before grabbing the bread and peanut butter out of the pantry. I quickly make my sandwich and took a huge bite. I moaned. I was _really _craving peanut butter and jelly. Being on my period does weird things to me. Unlike most girls I knew, I rarely got cramps, or bloated. Usually I was extremely bitchy, my back hurt and I had weird cravings. Hence the PB and J at – I glanced at the clock – 2:30 in the morning.

I sighed deeply as my thoughts drifted toward Edward. It had been a week since that day at First Beach, and I have to say things between us have been great. He calls me every night, and we text all the time. Of course I like him a lot more than a friend, but who gives a shit? I don't. Edward is the most beautiful, kind hearted person I have ever known.

I felt horrible for Edward, and Alice for what happened to their mom all those years ago. I could only imagine how hard it was for them, having dealt with similar things myself. Edward didn't know that I knew though, which felt wrong somehow. I couldn't just tell him that I knew about what his father did to his mother, and that I knew because Alice told me. I feel as if that would be betraying Alice's trust for me, and it would screw with Edward's trust for Alice.

I figure that I could be completely silent, and wait till he wants to tell me himself. Which I don't even know if he will or not. Thankfully Alice and Rose haven't told anybody about Phil. They abided by their promises to me, and made that subject totally taboo. I thought that they were going to treat me different. I was wrong though. They treat me as they would treat anyone else, I was happy about that.

I had told Dr. Mallory what happened. I told him about the nightmare, and then how that led to me telling Alice and Rose about Phil. Dr. Mallory was proud of me. He says that it's good that I'm opening up to other people besides my family and Jane.

My phone buzzed from inside my shirt. I jumped and almost dropped my sandwich. I scowled at the screen.

_Hey wht's up? _

_-Tia _

I took another bite off my sandwich before replying.

_Nothing much. Jus eating PB&J. U? _

_-B xoxo_

Tia's reply was instant.

_Yay! Yur eating. Thts great girl. But srsly who the eats pb&j at 2am?_

_-Tia_

I rolled my eyes at her words. Yeah, I'm eating. Don't sound so surprised. I sat down at the kitchen table. Was it really that big of a deal? I mean yeah, I still have some problems with anorexia but I'm not starving myself.

_I do! I'm on my period, so I can do whatever I please._

_-B xoxo_

I finished off the sandwich and walked over to the fridge. I pulled out my favorite Vitamin Water and took a bit gulp. With my drink in hand I sat back down at the table. I flipped open my phone.

_Lol. Wht do u want for yur b-day?_

_-Tia_

I grimaced my birthday. I _was _happy about turning 17, I should be getting my drivers license soon. I was tired of people asking me what I wanted though. I really didn't want _anything. _I didn't want people to be spending their money on me. It wasn't necessary.

I quickly typed my response.

_Nothing. _

_-B xoxo_

I took a sip of the Vitamin Water. My phone buzzed.

_I won't get u anything. *smirks* _

_-Tia_

I chuckled as I replied.

_Dnt get me anything. _

_-B xoxo_

Her reply was instant.

_G2g. Ttyl._

_-Tia_

I laughed and shook my head. I jumped when I heard the chair next to me screech. I looked over, and Charlie was smiling apologetically at me.

"Sorry, squirt. Didn't mean to scare you." He apologized.

I shrugged. "It's fine,"

"What are you doing awake? It's almost 3 o' clock."

"I got hungry." I told him. Charlie chuckled. "That's always a good reason."

"Why are you awake?" I asked. Charlie sighed and scratched his mustache with his index finger.

"I couldn't sleep," he answered lamely. I sighed. "Dad?"

"I was thinking about your mother." He admitted. He watched my face carefully. I was sure it was twisted into a mask of curiosity and pain. After all these years, I still wasn't comfortable _thinking _about mom. Let alone talking about her.

"I miss her." I whispered. Charlie reached out for my hand. He ran his thumb over my knuckles.

"I know, Bells. I miss her too."

I looked up at him. "But she _left_?"

He nodded. "I know, but I never stopped loving her. I'll always love her."

"It's my fault she's gone." I told him. My voice broke.

"Bella honey" – I cut him off – "If I hadn't said all that stuff she'd still be here. It's all my fault." A few tears streamed down my cheeks, I wiped them away with the back of my hand.

"What you said had nothing to do with it!" Charlie said firmly. I winced at his tone.

"She was depressed before she even met Phil." His voice was softer now. I eyed him wryly, and raised an eyebrow.

He nodded slowly. I saw tears pooling in his eyes. "She left because, she thought that he could…could make her happier…I told her, t-to stay. We could've worked it out together, but she wanted him. So she took you and left. He's the reason she's gone. Not you."

"Why did you tell me that?"

"I was tired of you beating yourself up for something that isn't your fault. You didn't kill her, I need you to see that."

**~ooOoo~**

I anxiously tapped my fingers on the window of Emmett's jeep as he drove me to Edward's house. I was nervous, terribly nervous. I had been here a number of times, but only to see Alice. I was going to see Edward this time though. It wasn't a date or anything like that, I was going over his house to get help. Edward was helping me study for my Geometry test. I doubted that I'll get any work done though. Edward was far too distracting.

Emmett pulled into the Cullens' winding drive way. "See ya, Jingle Bells." He said when I stepped out of the car.

"Bye Emmey." I said as I grabbed my notebook and Geometry book.

"Call if you have any problems, don't forget to eat something, and be careful." He instructed.

"Yes, dad." I said sarcastically.

Emmett chuckled. "Love you, sis."

"Love you bro." I said. I shut the door to the jeep and jogged up to the door. I lifted my hand to knock, but the door swung open. Edward smiled widely at me. "I missed you." He whispered as he reached out for my hand, and laced our fingers together.

"It's only been an hour Edward." I laughed. He shrugged as he led me upstairs. To where I guessed was his room. I hadn't seen his room before. I was irrationally nervous. He led me up the flight of stairs past Alice's room, and up another flight of stairs.

We reached the top of the stairs, and he pulled me down a hallway. We'd come to a stop in front of a door at the very end of the paneled hallway. He opened the door with his free hand. Our fingers were still laced together as he led me into the room, which I guessed was his.

His room faced south, with a wall-sized window like the great room below. The whole back side of the house must be glass. His view looked down on the winding Sol Dux Rivers, across the untouched forest to the Olympic Mountain range. The mountains were much closer than I would've believed.

The western wall was completely covered with shelf after shelf of CD's. His room was better stocked than a music store. In the corner was a sophisticated-looking sound system, that looked rather expensive. He had a huge king-sized bed along the east side of his room. He had a wide inviting black leather sofa, on the opposite side of the bed. The floor was covered with a thick golden carpet.

"This is my room," he informed me. I nodded, and plopped down on his bed. A faint smile touched his lips as he sat down next to me. I opened my notebook and flipped through the pages of my Geometry book.

Edward helped me with the things I needed help with. Despite him being so dammed distracting he was really a great teacher. After a few hours I groaned and leaned back on his bed.

"I hate math." I told him as I cracked my knuckles. My hand was a bit sore from writing. Edward laughed, and sat our things on the floor. He mirrored my position, and smiled at me. He reached for a remote, and turned the stereo on. Edward's face was blushed slightly, as I listened to the music.

"Claire de Lune?" I pondered excitedly.

"You know Debussy?" His expression was shocked.

"Of course. Classical music is quite relaxing." Edward grabbed my arm, and I shot him a concerned look.

"Do you mind if I look?" He asked quietly. I gulped. I wanted to scream, yes I minded, but I didn't. I just shook my head slowly from side to side. He ran his fingers over every scar on my right arm. My right arm was far worse than my left. When I first started I had only cut on my stomach and right arm, but as the nightly sessions with Phil progressed so did my cutting. Eventually I gave up on trying to control it, and started slicing everywhere I could.

His fingers lingered on the scar that got me brought me to Forks. I couldn't bring myself to regret the things that I've done. The things that brought me to Edward. In a way, I was thankful of Phil and the things that he had awoken in me. Without the abuse I wouldn't be in Forks right now. I would still be in Phoenix. I wouldn't have ever known Edward.

I was slightly ashamed of myself as Edward examined my arms. I didn't want him to see the extent of my pain. Each scar on my body was a physical version of every emotional battle that I have faced. The scars from my mother, the scars from Phil, the scars from_ life, _they were all there for Edward to see. He placed my arm down, and picked up my left. He didn't linger on that arm, there wasn't much to see. Very slowly he placed my arm down and he lifted up my shirt. His eyes met mine, asking silently for permission. I nodded. He propped himself up on his elbow as he lifted my top.

I heard him gasp quietly as he inspected my stomach. His fingers traced along every line, on my stomach. I closed my eyes, as I enjoyed the sensation his touch brought me. I felt his fingers traced the dark purple lines that covered my stomach. I bit my lip nervously. He pulled my shirt down, and I slowly opened my eyes.

"Bella…" His breath caught in his throat, his eyes swam with sorrow. I sighed deeply, I didn't want his sympathy or anyone else's for that matter. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"What on earth are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry that you had felt so much pain that you had to take it out on yourself. I can't imagine how hard things had to have been for you." He leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to my temple, I felt his lips turn up into a small smile. I reached over and grabbed one of his hands, holding it tightly in mine.

I sighed deeply, and buried my face into the crook of his shoulder, inhaling his musky scent. My stomach flipped, the butterflies swarming through me yet again. I reveled in the rightness of being with Edward. I have never felt happier, or safer as I do in this moment lying here in Edward's arms. His warmth surrounded me, keeping me close and holding me together.

We laid there in an easy silence for a while, just enjoying the other's presence. My stomach gurgled, and growled breaking the comfortable silence. Edward chuckled when I blushed. "Would you like something to eat?" he offered. I smiled and nodded vigorously.

He smiled back at, pulling me downstairs to the kitchen.

"Where's Alice?" I asked. He grimaced "at Jasper's".

I laughed quietly, "you remind me of Em sometimes." He raised ad eyebrow at me. "Your're so protective of Alice. Em's the same way with me."

He nodded knowingly. "It's an older brother thing."

"Ah."

"What do you want?" He asked.

"Peanut butter and jelly." I answered quickly.

He laughed, and made me a sandwich. He made one of his own, and he handed me mine. I hopped up onto the counter, and took a bite of the sandwich.

He took a huge bite out of his. The sandwich was gone with three bites. My eyes widened. "Why are guys such pigs?" I mumbled under my breath. Edward chuckled. I took another bite.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked as he leaned on the counter, lightly tracing his fingers along the scars on my arm. I looked down at my thighs and sighed. Not really knowing if this was a good idea. "I suppose."

"Why is Emmett always making sure that you eat?" he asked. I took in a sharp breath, not knowing what to say. "Oh geez, Edward. I don't..."

"I was hoping that you'd have realized this by now, but you _can _trust me." he grabbed my hand, and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Okay." I took a deep breath. "You know that I was in the hospital for a while after my failed suicide attempt" I started. I could feel his eyes on me as I spoke but I couldn't bring myself to meet his stare. He drew lazy circles on my thighs with his fingers obviously sensing my anxiety.

"What if I told you that self-harm isn't the only reason I was in the hospital?"


	20. Chapter 19

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter nineteen. **

_"What if I told you that self-harm isn't the only reason I was in the hospital?" _

Edward's breathing hitched. "You... wait... what?"

"I'm a recovering anorexic Edward." I said barley above a whisper. "I have baggage, a lot of it." I shook my head, and shrugged as tears tell from my eyes. He turned so that he was standing between my legs, and he crushed my body to his chest.

"You're recovering though?" He asked as he rubbed comforting circles on my back. "I haven't really done anything in the past year, but it's still hard for me."

He nodded. "I bet." I expected him to pry for answerers, but to my intense surprise he didn't.

Edward picked me up off the counter, I wrapped my legs securely around his waist. He carried me into the family room, and sat me down on a bench that was in front of a beautiful baby grand piano. He sat down next to me, and placed a feather light kiss on my hand. "Thank you for trusting me" he whispered.

"Anytime."

"Can I play for you?" He asked.

"Please?"

He nodded slowly as he began to play. A soft tune erupted through the room. It was beautiful. I scooted closer to Edward as he played. I leaned my head on his shoulder as I let the calming notes surround me. I recognized the tune from the afternoon I had caught Edward playing in the music room. I closed my eyes as I listened to the music. After a few moments I opened them again. I admired Edward's hands, they moved beautifully, and gracefully across the ivory keys.

I sighed deeply in contentment. I found myself not caring about my problems as I relaxed into the music. Eventually the melody came to a stop. Edward wrapped the arm I was leaning against around my shoulders and I leaned into his embrace.

"Do you like it?" He asked.

"You wrote this?" I gasped. He nodded. "Yeah," he admitted sheepishly. I smiled widely. "It's beautiful, I love it."

His smile mirrored mine. "I'm glad you like it, because I wrote it for you." I leaned back and looked up at him, my jaw dropping.

"I was going to play it for you on your birthday, but now seemed like the perfect time."

I nodded and squeezed him tighter. He lifted my chin up with his fingers and looked into my eyes with an intensity that took my breath away.

"I'd like to try one thing," he whispered and leaned in closer, my eyes zoned in on his lips. He sighed, and his cool breath fanned my face.

Out of nowhere my phone rang loudly, ruining the moment. I pulled my ringing phone out of my pocket. Edward sighed deeply, as I scowled at the phone. I cursed under my breath, and flipped it open."What?" I demanded, annoyed that Emmett ruined the moment Edward and I were having.

"_What's with the tone?" _Emmett asked. I rolled my eyes. I decided not to tell Em that Edward was going to kiss me. I figured that Edward liked his face the way it was. "I'm just annoyed with this math." I lied smoothly, hoping that Em would buy it. He had always been able to tell when I was lying.

"_I thought that Eddie boy was helping you?" _

"He is" I sighed deeply. "What did you call me for anyways?"

"_To see what time I was picking you up. You've been at Edward's for 3 hours." _My eyes widened in shock. Had it really been three hours?

"Um…well… I guess in like…err…whenever you feel like it?"

"_I'll be there in 15." _

"M'kay, see ya."

"_Yeah," _the line went dead. I snapped the phone shut and sat it on the piano. "Can you play it again?" I asked. Edward smiled and lightly kissed my forehead before he started playing.

**~ooOoo~**

"He was about to kiss me!" I groaned into the receiver, Tia gasped.

"_Oh my god!" _She squealed. _"Why didn't he?" _

"Emmett called." I grumbled.

_"Of course."_

"I know right?" Tia laughed into the phone. "Do you think he likes me?" I asked.

"_He was going to kiss you so what do you think?"_

I shrugged. "It could've been a friend kiss."

"_Bella…" _

"He likes me." I whispered.

"_Obviously_._" _

"I almost got my first kiss." Tia laughed. "Those beautiful Edward Cullen lips were so close to my face!"

She giggled. _"So are you guys going on a date?" _

I plopped down on my bed laid back and sighed. "I don't know, I mean he _was _going to kiss me, so I'm guessing yeah. I hope so."

"_I know me too! God! I wish I was there. I really miss you Bella." _

"I miss you too." I sighed.

"_Have you talked to Edward since the almost kiss?" _She asked.

"We talk and text all the time, but I haven't seen him all weekend. I'll see him at school tomorrow though."

"_You don't think it'll be awkward?" _

"I hope not. I mean, I really like him and I'm guessing he likes me."

"O_f course he likes you." _I laughed at her enthusiasm.

_"Do you think that you're ready for anything like this though, I mean with everything..." _

"Honestly, I have no idea. It feels right though, definitely safe. Nothing like the way Phil made me feel."

"_You say that now, but do you think that you'd react differently if he actually kissed you?" __  
_

"I don't think so Tia, I trust Edward."

_"You know what I'm about to say." _I could hear the smile in her voice, and I couldn't help but smile too.

"Yes my dearest, I do know what you're about to say." I laughed. "But don't say it because I'll deny it, and tell you to shut up."

_"Tia come on!" _I heard Kebi shout in the background. "_I've got to go." _Tia sighed. I sighed too. "Okay…"

"_Love you!" _She said. "Bye, love you." I snapped the phone shut and placed it on my nightstand. I sighed, I missed Tia terribly. I closed my eyes for a few moments, resting my head in the pillows. I groaned when I heard my phone vibrate against the nightstand. The blinking screen indicated that I had a text from Edward, I smiled as I flipped the phone open.

_Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?  
_-_Edward._

I couldn't stop my lips from turning up into a wide grin.

_I'd love to._  
_-Bella xoxo_

I quickly responded.

_That's great! I'll pick you up at seven.  
-Edward._

I responded quickly, returning my phone back to it's place on the nightstand. In somewhat of a daze I rose from the bed, and I couldn't stop smiling.

"What the hell am I supposed to wear?" I shouted, as I threw clothes around. My hair was still wet and sticking to my back as I ran around my room clad in just my panties and bra. Nervously I glanced over at the clock, it read 6:45 PM.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit." I groaned.

I rushed over to my drawer and pulled out a pair of tight fitting American Eagle skinny jeans, and slid them over my legs. I pulled on a plain midnight blue shirt, adding a sequinned black scarf, and slipped on a pair of black UGG boots to complete the outfit.

I quickly ran my fingers through my hair, bending over at the waist and turned on my hair dryer. I quickly dried my hair fluffing out my natural curls. After making sure my hair was okay, I quickly applied a light bit of make up.

The time read 7:00 PM. Edward should be here any minute. I smiled to myself as I walked downstairs. Emmett was cuddling on the couch with Rose. They both smiled at me.

"Where you going Jingle Bells?" Emmett asked. I wondered if I should tell him I was going out on a date with Edward. I wanted to avoid Emmett's overprotective older brother routine.

"Out" I answered vaguely.

"With whom?"

"A friend."

"Bella!" Emmett growled. I sighed deeply. "Dinner with Edward." I told him finally.

"Like a date?" He asked.

"Like yeah." He opened his mouth to protest but the knock on the front door saved me. I opened the door quickly, eager to see Edward.

"Hello" I breathed.

"You look beautiful," he whispered, lightly tracing the side of my face with his finger tips. "Thank you."

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me outside. I said my good-byes to Em, and Rose over my shoulder.

"Where are we going?" I asked Edward once we were strapped in.

"It's a surprise." He told me. I groaned. "I hate surprises Edward."

"Humor me."

Edward drove like a manic so we made it to the restaurant in no time. We parked in front of an Italian place called 'La Bella Italia' in Port Angles. Edward came around and opened my door for me.

I took this time to look him over. He was wearing dark jeans an a black button up shirt. He looked quite marvelous.

The restaurant wasn't crowded – it was the off-season in Port Angles. The hostess was female, and I understood the look in her eyes as she appraised Edward. She greeted him a little warmer than necessary though. I frowned. I smiled up at Edward, and wrapped an arm around his waist. He smiled warmly at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. The hostess frowned slightly. I suppressed the urge to chuckle.

"Table for two." Edward told her. She nodded, and led us to a booth in the back. We both took our seats as we waited for our server.

Edward was eyeing me with a weird expression on his face.

"What?" I asked. He shook his head. "Nothing…" I eyed him for a few moments, but didn't say anything. After a few minutes our server came out.

"Hi I'm Amber, I'll be your server. What can I get you tonight?" She fluttered her eye lashes at Edward. I glared at her when she turned to smile at me.

"And you?"

I glanced down at the menu and picked the first thing that I read. "Mushroom ravioli, and a diet Pepsi."

She nodded and wrote it down. "I'll be right out."

Edward laughed. "Somebody's jealous?" I rolled my eyes. "Am not."

He chuckled once. "Yeah, okay." I ripped a small piece of bread from one of the bread sticks and threw it at his face. He shot a playful glare towards me, and I laughed.

"Tell me about yourself," I told Edward.

"What would you like to know?"

"I don't know, anything. Something that no one else knows about you."

"Hmmm... well I quite like classical music, and playing the piano." he told me. "I'm also a fan of old romance novels, and movies."

I smiled. "You like the Romeo and Juliet, right?" He nodded.

"Me too, it's my favorite."

We talked aimlessly for a few minutes before Amber came out with our orders. She sat the food down in front of us, smiling at Edward the entire time. Before she left she shot a wink at Edward. I growled quietly to myself. _  
_

"Can I ask you something?" Edward asked while we were eating. I nodded as I took a bite of the ravioli.

"How did you end up in the hospital after the failed suicide attempt?" He asked. I frowned as I chewed. I had grown to trust Edward quite a bit in my short time knowing him, I knew I could tell him these things. It's not like I wanted to though. He hasn't seemed to have judged me at all so far, but I didn't want to take any chances. Besides that, I just really didn't like talking about my past. I'd rather forget about it.

"Well," I sighed. "Tia found me the next morning. I didn't call her the previous night and when I didn't meet her at the bus stop, she got worried." I explained.

"She sounds like a lovely friend, Bella. I'm glad that you have her."

"Me too." I smiled, popping another ravioli into my mouth. I gazed at Edward as I took sips of my drink. He was truly wonderfully and I was slowly falling for him.


	21. Chapter 20

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter twenty. **

"So…you like Edward?" Dr. Mallory asked. His lips twitched as he fought a smile. I blushed and bit my lip, not really wanting to admit that I liked him. I had spent almost every session with Dr. Mallory bitching about Edward, and how much I hated him. So it didn't surprise me that Dr. Mallory found this humorous.

"Yeah…" I admitted sheepishly. Dr. Mallory laughed. "I saw this coming." He told me.

"How?"

He shrugged. "I could tell that you didn't hate him, you were just trying to not have feelings for him. I was wondering when you would get out of denial." He explained and chuckled.

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. "Whatever."

"You said that you told Edward about your anorexia… how did that make you feel?" He asked.

"Scared and vulnerable."

"I'm quite proud of you Bella, you've come along way. I'm not sure if it seems this way now, but opening up to your friends are really going to help your recovery. You're already starting to trust people, which I know is hard for you."

"Thank you Dr. Mallory, that means a lot."

He smiled. "So your birthday is tomorrow…"

I groaned. "It's going to be the worst Friday _ever." _

"I still don't understand why you hate your birthday so much."

I shrugged. "I wouldn't mind it if people didn't spend money on me. Like a simple 'happy birthday!' is all I really need." I explained.

"You are a very interesting girl, Bella."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What I mean is that, you dislike your birthday because people spend money on you when other people would love to have money spent on them. You care more about your family and friends than yourself. You're quite _selfless _when most are quite _selfish._"

**~ooOoo~**

Alice and I were both sitting on my bed, listening to music, playing a simple game of "who would you rather have."

"Who would you rather have… Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom?" she asked me.

I laughed. "That's easy! Johnny Depp."

"You're right, that was way too easy." She giggled.

"Okay, um… Jasper or Brad Pitt?"

Alice groaned. "What even, oh my gosh." I giggled and she growled.

"Okay, don't tell Jazz, but I would _so _pick Brad over him."

I laughed loudly. Alice narrowed her eyes at me, and then smirked. "Edward or Kellin Quinn?"

"Aw Alice!" I groaned. Alice laughed evilly. "Feel my pain."

"Kellin! Wait…no! Um…Edward! Can I choose both?"

She shook her head. "Nope."

"Fine!" I huffed. "I would pick…" I pondered my answer for a few moments. "Edward. I would rather have Edward." I decided. Alice laughed lightly.

"That's love right there. Picking Edward Cullen over Kellin Quinn!" I smacked her playfully on the arm.

"I would dump Jasper _and _Brad for Kellin!" Alice's tone was so serious, I couldn't help but laugh.

"What? I would!"

"Alice, can I ask you something?" She nodded.

"How did you know that you were in love with Jasper?"

She smiled widely. "I sort of just knew. I had been waiting for someone for a while, and then I saw Jasper. I knew he was the only one for me. Why?"

I sighed. "Just wondering." I was curious about love, I couldn't help it. I found love to be a terribly intriguing thing. I wanted to know what being in love felt like. It seems like the most wonderful thing really.

"Do you think that you're in love with Edward?" she grinned.

"I don't think so... I'm not really sure to be honest with you. I don't know what love is supposed to feel like."

"Trust me, when you feel it you'll know."

**~ooOoo~**

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY JINGLE BELLS!" Emmett shouted when I stepped into the kitchen. Charlie chuckled and took a sip from his coffee. "Happy birthday kiddo."

"Thanks guys." I mumbled as I sat my books down on the counter. I picked the _Coco Coco Puffs_ up. I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and the milk from the fridge. I quickly made my cereal. I got a spoon from the silverware drawer, and took a seat at the kitchen table across from Emmett.

Charlie smiled at me, before pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. I raised an eyebrow at him, when he handed me two 50 dollar bills.

"Happy Birthday." He told me. I shook my head at him. "Dad I can't take your money!"

"Nonsense."

"But-" I tired to argue but Charlie cut me off. "No 'buts'." I sighed deeply and reluctantly took the money from him. I smiled weakly as I folded the bills, and slid them into my back pocket.

"Thanks dad." I said sincerely.

"You're welcome honey."

"You'll get my present later." Em told me. I groaned. "You didn't have to get me anything!"

"But I did, so shut up." I finished up my cereal and placed the bowl in the sink.

"Bye daddy." I said, while a pecked Charlie on the cheek. "See ya."

"See ya dad!" Emmett called over his shoulder. I grabbed my books and shot out the door.

"Em! Wait up!" I shouted as I jogged to the jeep. I slid in and buckled my seat belt. Emmett pulled out of the drive way. I tapped my fingers on the door frame as I hummed the melody the _Secondhand Serenade _song that was stuck in my head.

"_I was born to tell you I love you. Isn't that a song already?  
__I get a B in originality __and it's true I cant go on without you._

_Your smile makes me see clearer. __If you could only see in the mirror what I see."_

Emmett pulled into the Forks High parking lot and we got out of the jeep. We walked over to where Rose, Alice, Jazz and Edward were standing. Em wrapped his arm around Rosalie, and kissed her on the cheek.

I smiled at Edward. He made his way over to me, and he linked our fingers together. I bit my lip at the sensation of his casual touch.

I called a 'see you later' to everybody as we parted ways. Edward and I walked hand in hand into the building. We passed Lauren, and she shot me a death glare. I smiled smugly at her. We stopped outside of Mr. Varner's class room. He ran his fingers along my jaw bone, and smiled crookedly at me. "Happy birthday Bella." He whispered before walking away. I blinked rapidly, as I made my way into the room in a daze.

"Hey Bella!" Erick greeted me when I sat down.

"Sup?"

He shrugged. "Nothing."

"Same," I sighed. I drummed my fingers on my desk as Mr. Varner started the lesson. I tapped my fingers on the desk, resting my head in the palm of my left hand. I glanced up at the clock, and huffed. Class wasn't even close to being over. After a few moments, I sighed deeply and raised my hand. "Yes, Bella?" Mr. Varner answered.

"May I go to the bathroom please?" I asked, anxious to get out of class for a few brief moments.

"Sure thing, take the pass," he instructed, pointing his right index finger at the bathroom pass hanging in the back of the room. Quickly, I hopped up from my seat, snatched the the bathroom pass from the wall, and exited the class room. I walked into the girls lavatory, and sighed in relief, thankful to be out of Geometry for a little bit. The class was so dreadfully boring, I couldn't stand to sit in my seat for the entire hour.

I leaned in close to one of the mirrors and examined my face. I stared intently at my reflection, wondering how the hell a plain Jane like myself managed to obtain someone as beautiful as Edward Cullen. There wasn't much to me, I looked nothing like those leggy blondes, and slutty girls he usually went after. What with my plain brown hair, that hung straight, and dull to just bellow my bust line. I had a pair of lifeless brown eyes, that held nothing special, they were just an unappealing shade of muddy brown. I supposed that my body was alright, I still struggled quite a bit with body image. I didn't always feel beautiful. My breasts weren't full, and big like other girls, but they weren't exactly small either. I didn't really think I was fat per say, but I didn't think I had the physic of Rosalie Hale either. I had an ordinary face, with ordinary features, and an ordinary body. I was ordinary, nothing more, and nothing less.

_Why the hell would Edward Cullen be interested in me? _I asked myself. He had other options in this school, other girls that were prettier, and far less damaged than myself. He could go after a normal girl, a girl who could satisfy all of his needs, a girl that he didn't have to be embarrassed of. Lauren Mallory's shrill valley girl voice brought me out of my thoughts. I grimaced, and turned to face her.

"I don't know what game you think you're playing, little girl" she sneered.

"Excuse me?" I retorted.

"Look, I'm going to tell you this once, and only once" she began, she glared at me with a hateful expression, and I couldn't help but wonder what I did to make this girl hate me the way she did. "Stay away from Edward," she warned.

"Back off Lauren," I snapped, and turned to walk out of the bathroom. Before I could pull the door open, she grabbed my arm, and turned my body to face hers.

"Get off of me," I growled.

"Listen here bitch," she growled back. "Edward is mine, you leave him alone." I pulled my arm out of her grasp, and rolled my eyes at her. "Go screw yourself Lauren, you're seriously delusional."

"I'm warning you Isabella, don't fuck with me." she snapped. "Leave Edward alone, or you'll regret it."

"Right," I scoffed, and walked out the bathroom. With a frown I hurried back to class. The rest of the day passed by quickly. I was sitting in English next to Edward. I kept glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He looked just as bored as I felt. I tapped my foot as I waited for the bell to ring.

Finally the bell rang and the class got up to leave. Edward waited patiently for me as I gathered my things.

"Do you know why Em left early?" I asked as we walked out of the class.

"No." He answered. I nodded once. I followed Edward out to his Volvo. As we were walking I noticed Lauren, in all of her Ice Queen glory standing by her pink convertible, her stare burned with such an intense hatred, I thought she might burn a hole in my forehead. With one last glance at her, I hopped into Edward's Volvo, and strapped myself in.

I hummed the _Secondhand Serenade _song as we drove.

"What song is that?" Edward asked. "Vulnerable, by Secondhand Serenade. It's stuck in my head."

"Oh."

"Have you heard it before?" I asked. He shook his head. "No, I haven't."

"You should listen to it, it's a lovely song."

Edward brought the car to a stop when we reached my house. I noticed Emmett's jeep and Charlie's police cruiser in the drive. Why was Charlie home?

Edward and I stepped out of the Volvo and we walked into my house. Emmett was sitting on the couch with Charlie. They both smiled hugely at me. I looked at them quizzically.

Emmett was practically bouncing in his spot on the couch as I climbed the stairs. I shook my head at him. I pulled Edward up the stairs with me.

"What's up with Emmett?" Edward asked as we ascended up the stair case.

"I have no idea." I replied as I opened my bed room door.

"No way!" I shouted as I walked into my room. I dropped my books, and squealed loudly. I couldn't believe it!

I rushed into the room and wrapped my arms around the two people sitting on my bed. "TIA! SAM!" I exclaimed.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! OH MY GOD!" My squeal was so terribly loud that it put Alice's to shame.

I pulled Tia and Sam into a vice like hug that left them gasping for air. "What are you guys doing here?" I asked urgently.

"Well we would tell you if you let us go!" Tia laughed. "I've missed you both so much!"

I let go of them, and stepped back. "So?" I pressed. Sam and I looked at Tia expectantly.

"Emmett called me a week ago and told me that he wanted us," Tia pointed at herself and Sam. "to come up for your birthday, so last night we both flew up here and Emmett picked us up from the air port in Port Angles about an hour ago." She explained.

I smiled widely. "This is so amazing!" I whispered. I heard someone clear their throat from behind me. I turned around. Edward was looking at me quizzically.

"Oh Edward! I forgot that you were there! My apologies." I said. He chuckled. "It's fine."

Tia smiled widely. "So this is Edward?"

"Bella was right you are quite good looking." I groaned, leave it to Tia to embarrass me terribly.

"Tia!" I scolded her, blushing a deep crimson. She laughed. "But seriously Bella! When you said he was beautiful I thought you were exaggerating, but wow."

"Tia stop talking."

"Come on Bells. Let's go down stairs." Sam said. He picked me up and swung me over his shoulder. "Sam!" I shouted angrily. He laughed.

"Bella your hair got so long!" Tia commented. "Really? I haven't paid much attention." I told her honestly.

"Sam if you drop me, I swear to god!" I threatened as he descended the stairs. He didn't respond, but he slowed his steps as he carried me down to the living room. Sam swung me back over his shoulder, and he placed me lightly on my feet. I saw Emmett smiling out of the corner of my eye. I ran over to him and jumped into his arms. He wasn't expecting me to jump him, so he stumbled back a bit, but quickly regained balance.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I chanted as I squeezed him. "You are the best brother ever!"

Emmett laughed loudly. "You're welcome Jingle Bells." I untangled myself from Emmett's arms. I beamed up at him, and stood up on my tip toes to place a chaste peck on his cheek. "Love ya Emmey."

"Love ya too."


	22. Chapter 21

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter Twenty One.**

"You know what movie we should watch?" Sam said excitedly. Tia and I raised an eyebrow at him. Sam was slouching in Charlie's favorite chair, while Tia and I lounged on the couch,

"Step brothers!" He shouted. My face lit up into a wide grin. I stood up and proceeded to walk up the stairs and get the movie from my room.

"Where ya goin?" Tia asked me.

"I'm going up stairs to put my nut sac on your drum set!_" _I laughed. Tia and Sam erupted into a fit of wild laughter. I jogged up the stairs and rushed into my room. I fumbled around with the things on my book case. I growled when I couldn't find the DVD. I flew out of the room, and trotted down the hallway. I pounded on Emmett's door.

He swung the door open with a goofy grin on his face.

"Give me Step Brothers." I demanded icily. Annoyed that Emmett took something from my room without asking.

"No, we're getting ready to watch it!" He whined. I rolled my eyes and pushed pass him. I felt someone's eyes on me as I stormed over to Emmett's TV and snatched the DVD that was sitting on top of it.

"Bellsy!" He whined.

"Emmey!" I whined back at him, my tone laced with sarcasm. I turned on my heel and skipped down to the living room. Once in the living room, I made my way over to the DVD player on the shelf below the 65 inch plasma screen TV. I hit play, and the movie started. As the opening credits started, I skipped back to my place next to Tia on the couch.

"Sam! Come on!" Tia shouted. She motioned with her hand for him to sit with us. He heaved himself out of Charlie's chair, and plopped down on the couch, in between Tia and I. He wrapped his arms around both of us, and we snuggled into his chest.

I felt at home as I watched Step Brothers with Tia and Sam. It reminded me of the happier times I had down in Phoenix when I could forget about my mother's death and Phil's nightly sessions. We all laughed at our favorite parts, and we quoted our favorite lines.

"Sam your part is getting ready to come up!" I told him. He nodded vigorously. "I know!" I chuckled lightly. Sam started intently at the TV screen, and then he stood up and shouted. "BOATS AND HOES!"

"Boats and Hoes!" I laughed. Tia giggled as Sam watched 'his part' intently. He would shout 'Boats and Hoes' at the same time Dale would say it. He was ridiculous, but I couldn't help but love him.

**~ooOoo~**

"I dye my hair blonde once and you never let me forget it!" Tia shouted. I laughed loudly, as Sam made fun of her. Tia dying her hair is possibly the funniest thing on the planet. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Two years later, and Sam is _still _making fun of her for it.

"You're going to love Alice and Rose." I whispered to Tia. She looked at me wryly. "Alice seems a bit... intense." She mumbled. I heard Emmett laugh from the front seat. When we reached the Cullen house, he pulled the Jeep to a stop.

I grabbed Tia and Sam by their hands and dragged them inside the Cullen house.

"Hey, Esme!" I called out as I walked inside. "Esme this is Tia," I smiled. "And that's Sam." I pointed to where Sam was staring intently at the cars in the garage.

"I think he's in love," I whispered in Tia's ear and she giggled.

"Why don't you guys come in?" Esme asked. I nodded.

"Sam, come on!" Tia shouted, as she forcefully pulled him into the house.

Emmett walked right over to Rose and pulled her into a passionate kiss. I resisted the urge to gag.

"Emmett stop trying to suck Rosalie's face off!" I shouted Emmett pulled away reluctantly, and shot me a look that said 'don't worry. I'll get you back.' I pulled Tia by the arm, and skipped over to where Rose and Alice were standing.

"Hey guys!" I said brightly. They both smiled at me.

"This is Tia!"

"And, that's Rose." I told Tia, as I pointed in Rose's direction.

"And that's Alice." I told her. Alice and Rose smiled brightly at Tia. They shook hands. Tia smiled half-heartedly at them.

"So are you excited about Championships in two weeks?" Jasper asked me. I looked over at him in surprise. He was standing behind Alice with a smile on his face.

"Jasper, you scared me. I didn't notice you there." I admitted. He smiled apologetically at me. "But, yeah. I'm really excited. I can't wait to go to Seattle."

"Aren't you playing us?" Tia asked.

I nodded. "Tia, you play soccer?" Alice asked.

She nodded her head. "Yeah, I've been in soccer for about five years now."

"That's so cool. What position are you?" Rose asked.

"I'm on offence. I'm usually a half back, but sometimes I have to be a forward."

"Do you guys do any sports?" Tia asked.

Alice nodded. "We both cheer, and I usually play lacrosse. I'm trying to get Rose to play with me, but she won't." Alice pouted. I laughed.

"So, Tia do you have a boyfriend?" Rose inquired, her eyes twinkling with interest. Tia laughed at her enthusiasm. "Yes, actually I do. His name is Benjamin."

"Oh really? That's so nice," Alice giggled. "How long have you guys been together?"

"About six months now," Tia smiled.

"Do you have any pictures of him?" Rose asked excitedly. Tia nodded her head vigoursly, and pulled her phone from her pocket. She flipped it open, bringing up a picture of her and Benjamin from the Fourth of July, this year. I smiled to myself as I looked at the photo. Tia was smiling widely, obviously happy. Her long dark hair hung curly, passed her bellybutton. Benjamin had his arm draped over her shoulders, pulling her close. He was staring intently at her, it didn't look like he knew his photo was being taken, he was staring too intently at my best friend. My heart swelled for Tia, I had never seen her so happy, as she was in this picture.

Alice and Rosalie squealed, and I laughed. "Oh my gosh!" Alice gushed. "He's so cute! You're so cute! Oh my God! Look at you guys, you two are perfect!"

"And that's my cue to leave." Jasper mumbled as he walked over to where the guys, were lounging on the couch. I looked over at them, and locked eyes with Edward. He threw me that crooked smile of his. I smiled back, blushed and turned away.

Tia giggled and made kissy faces at me. I shoved her, lightly. "Shut up." I groaned.

"Aren't they so adorable together?" Alice shouted excitedly.

"They are!" Tia laughed, and looked back and forth between Edward and myself.

"Could you guys be _anymore _obvious?" I scolded them, blushing a dark red.

"Yes," Rose laughed. "Yes we could." Tia added. I narrowed my eyes at the three of them who smiled innocently back at me.

"So, where are we going?" Tia asked.

"What do you mean?" Rose replied. "Emmett said that we were meeting up with everyone here, and then we were gonna go somewhere, for Bella's party." She explained.

"Yeah, where _are _we going?" I added.

"Alright, kids! Are we ready to go?" Esme chipped, as she descended the stairs while Carlisle followed behind her.

"Yeah!" Emmett called.

"Come on, Jingle Bells." Emmett instructed me. He covered my eyes with his hands, and led me out the house. I felt him pick me up, and place me in the back seat of his Jeep. I heard other people getting in. Emmett picked up a blind fold, and tied it securely around my head.

"Aren't you over doing it just a bit?" I mumbled.

"Nope!" He said. I groaned. I felt two other people slid into the back seat next to me, and I heard someone else, open the passenger side door. I heard Emmett hop in, and the engine roared to life.

I tried lifting the blind fold to see who was sitting next to me, but they stopped me.

"No way," Tia's voice scolded.

"You guys know I don't like surprises." I mumbled.

"Suck it up." Sam's voice said.

About 20 minutes later the Jeep came to a stop. Tia opened the door. She and Sam slid out of the Jeep. I felt Sam's arms wrap around me and lift me out of the Jeep. He placed my feet gently on the ground. I took in a deep breath, and I could smell the ocean. I knew instantly that we were at La Push.

A hand took mine, and pulled me along. I felt that familiar electric current surge through me, as I walked hand in hand with this person. I knew from the electric current that it was Edward.

"Hey, Edward." I greeted him. I heard him chuckle. "How'd you know it was me?"

I shrugged. "I dunno, I just knew." We abruptly stopped walking, and he took the blind fold off. I blinked rapidly as my eyes adjusted to the light change.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" I heard a group of people shout. I smiled when I saw Angela, Jess, and Emily standing next to a picnic table filled with presents. Charlie was standing next to Carlisle, and a small man in a wheel chair that I didn't know. Behind the man in the wheel chair was a tall, tan Indian boy with long black hair and a bright smile. He had a gorgeous, tall woman, with dark long hair on his arm.

I walked over to Charlie. "Daddy!" I exclaimed. I flew into his arms. "I thought you had work today?"

"I did, but I took off early." I smiled into his chest.

"Bells, I'd like you to meet some people." Charlie said.

I nodded. "This is Billy Black." I smiled at the man. I extended my hand, and he took it.

"It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard great things about you."

"It's a pleasure." I said and smiled.

"This is my son Jacob, and his girlfriend Leah."

I smiled at Jacob and Leah. "It's nice to meet you."

"Happy birthday." Leah said, and smiled warmly.

"So are you excited about being 17?" Jacob asked me.

I nodded vigorously. "Yes, I'm terribly excited."

Carlisle announced that he was going to start cooking, things on the grill. I sat down at the picnic table next to Tia, and Sam. Sam was starting intently at Emily. Emily, blushed and looked down at the table. I looked at Sam quizzically. He was smiling like an ass, and the way he was staring at Emily, was… it was… I can't even really describe it. It was like he was a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. Like all he could see was this girl. His eyes sparkled with joy, and I think that I'd have to forcibly remove that shit eating grin from his face.

I elbowed Tia in the ribs, and tilted my head in their direction. She smirked.

"They're into each other." I whispered in her ear. She nodded her head in agreement.

An hour or two later after we all had eaten, and opened presents. Charlie announced that he was going home, with Carlisle and Esme. I helped the adults pack up their things, as they got ready to leave.

"It was nice meeting you." I told Billy, Jacob, and Leah.

"We should hang out sometime." Leah suggested. "We should!" I exclaimed. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and handed it to her.

"Put your number in." I told her. She nodded, and handed me hers. I quickly programmed my number into her phone and handed it back to her. Leah handed me my phone, and smiled at me.

"Text me sometime." I told her.

"I definitely will." Jacob helped his dad get in the car while he hopped in the drivers seat, and Leah in the back.

I skipped over to Charlie, and he placed a kiss on my forehead. "See ya kiddo."

"Bye, daddy."

"Emmett, you call when you're getting ready to head home?"

"Sure thing."

"Don't stay out too late."

"We won't." I told him.

"I love you dad."

"Love ya to." With that Charlie stepped into the cruiser and drove off.

Esme embraced me in a tight hug. "Thank you," I told her.

"You're welcome dear. Happy birthday." She placed a light kiss on my cheek, and proceeded to walk to her car. Carlisle patted my shoulder and smiled at me. "Bye Carlisle."

He called his goodbye, and got in his car. I walked back over to the picnic table, and took a seat next to Tia. She smiled warmly at me. "It's really great to see you Bella."

"Gosh, you have no idea how much I've missed you." I told her. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders, and I snuggled into her embrace. "It seems really great here," she commented. I nodded, "it is, everyone is wonderful."

"You seem happy," she added.

I smiled up at her, "I am happy."


	23. Chapter 22

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter Twenty Two.**

I had to admit today was the best birthday that I've had in a long time. I was thankful for all of the people that have been brought into my life. I was starting to feel like maybe that failed suicide attempt was the best thing to have ever happened to me. I was truly blessed.

I smiled as Edward walked over to me. "Come for a walk with me?" He asked. I bit my lip and nodded. He held his hand out for me, and I took it.

Edward and I walked hand in hand down the beach. "I want to show you something." He told me.

I nodded slowly.

"Close your eyes." He whispered in my ear. I slowly closed my eyes. I felt him scoop me up in his arms.

"Edward? What are you-" he cut me off. "Do you trust me?" He asked.

"I trust you."

He carried me across the beach, and it felt like he was hiking up a huge hill. Minutes later he came to a stop, and he sat down. He pulled me into his lap and I relaxed into his embrace.

"Open your eyes." He instructed. I slowly opened my eyes, and gasped. It was beautiful. We were sitting on a cliff top, that overlooked the whole beach. It wasn't extremely high up, but it was still high. I breathed in the crisp ocean air. The sun was just starting to set. The clouds were morphing into a beautiful disheveled mess of pink, orange and purple. It was amazing.

"It's beautiful." I whispered.

I felt Edward nod. He buried his face in the crook of my neck. "It's alright." He replied.

I raised an eyebrow, and turned around to face him.

"It's nothing in comparison to you." He told me. I flushed a deep red, and turned back around.

"I like to come here and think, it's sort of like my little sanctuary away from reality." He told me. I nodded slowly, and sighed with contentment.

"The ocean always reminded me of my mom." I said out loud, after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"How so?"

"She was always calm and serene, and she liked to go with the flow. She was like the waves, you know? She could be calm, or she could be nasty and mean."

I felt Edward smile into my neck. "Can I ask you something?"

I nodded.

"Do you miss your mom?"

I blinked back tears, and swallowed the lump in my throat. "I miss her everyday. Not a day goes by where I don't regret what I did." Much to my dismay tears streamed down my cheeks.

"If you don't mind me asking, what did you do?" He whispered.

I sucked in a deep, ragged breath. "I…I…ah, I said some things to her, some really bad things. It's my fault she's gone." I whispered, tears streaming down my cheeks. I shook my head frantically back and forth. "I miss her so much, I just wish I could go back and take back every terrible thing I said to her that night and maybe she'd still be here."

"Bella, shh. It's okay, shh." He turned me around so that I was facing him. I cried into his shoulder. My tears stained his shirt. He patted my back, as let everything out. I didn't try to stop myself, I just let go for once. Eventually my sobbing came to a stop. I took a few deep breaths. Edward wiped my eyes with his fingers.

"It's not your fault." He told me sternly.

"Yes it is."

He sighed deeply, and looked deep in thought for a few moments. He looked up at me, a small smile playing at the edge of his lips.

"Bella..." He whispered, his breath fanned my face as he leaned in closer. His lips were only inches away from mine. I leaned in the rest of the way, and pressed my lips firmly to his. He pulled away slightly, and smiled before pressing against my lips again. His lips parted, and his tongue swept across my bottom lip asking for entrance. I gladly parted my lips, and his tongue quickly slid inside my mouth. Our tongues danced together gracefully as they fought for dominance. I eventually gave up, and let Edward control the kiss. My hands flew to his hair, and I gripped it tightly. He moaned into my mouth. Eventually we had to pull away for air. He leaned his forehead against mine. I placed a soft chaste kiss on his lips, and smiled warmly at him.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by Emmett's shouting.

"What the hell in your problem?" He bellowed. Edward and I looked in his direction. Lauren Mallory was standing with our group of friends causing some sort of scene, I groaned inwardly, remembering the "warning" she gave me in the girls' bathroom. I couldn't help but wonder if she actually had the balls to show up, and do something to get Edward.

"Let's go see what Emmett's going on about." I whispered. Edward nodded. He picked me up, and slowly walked down the narrow path way that led to the cliff. He walked down the hill, and sat me lightly on my feet when we reached the beach.

Lauren snickered. "There she is now."

I looked at her quizzically. She walked over to Edward, and ran a finger down his arm. He jerked away, and draped an arm over my shoulder, and I wrapped an arm around his waist. Lauren looked like she was about to explode. She held up a manila file folder, and opened it. "I warned you not to fuck with me," she laughed evilly. "Isn't it just wonderful that my daddy is your skrink?" My eyes widened, and she winked at me.

"Isabella Marie Swan." She read, and I froze. My heart stopped beating, and my mouth went dry as Lauren read from the all too faimilar file folder. I squeezed Edward's side tightly, my nails digging into his flesh. I heard him hiss in pain. I couldn't bring myself to care. I was too worried about what was coming.

"Date of birth, September 13, 1995. Patient suffers from chronic nightmares, depression, mild PTSD and anorexia. Being treated for self mutilation and anorexia. The nightmares are common occurrences. Usually every night."I felt like time had stopped. My breathing, quickened, as I began to hyperventalte.

_This can not be happening. _I thought. _What did I do to deserve this? _I asked myself.

I knew there was no stopping Lauren. In a matter of seconds everyone would know my deepest darkest secret. There was absolutely _nothing _I could do about it. I wondered what they would think of me. Of course they would be repulsed, disgusted. I held my breath and shut my eyes tightly as Lauren revealed my horrid past.

"The patient has suffered from extreme forms of abuse, both physical and sexual. Was admitted to the Saint Luke's Behavioral Health Center in Arizona for approximately 395 days after a failed suicide attempt." I was vaguely aware of the gasps, and Tia cursing Lauren to hell. My breathing was coming in fast, short breaths, I fell to the ground as I held my sides in a feeble attempt to hold myself together.

"No, no, no, no, no, no." I mumbled to myself. I wanted this to be one of my sick nightmares. I wanted to wake up screaming, while Charlie and Emmett ran to comfort me. I wanted this to not be real. But it didn't matter what I wanted. This _was _reality. It was really happening.

Lauren snickered, and continued reading my medical file aloud. "At the age of thirteen, the patient's mother committed suicide, and she was the one who found her. After the death of her mother, the patient's step father - who already physically abused the patient - began sexually assaulting her. The severe sexual abuse, rape, emotional abuse, and beatings went on for about a year before the patient tried committing suicide."

Silent tears rolled down my cheeks, I was vaguely aware of Edward trying to comfort me. "Eddie, come with me." she smiled, trying to be seductive. "She's not normal," she pointed to me, "why would you want her? She's a fucked up _freak."_ She laughed. So fast that I barely saw it coming, Tia swung a hard punch at her. Lauren tried fighting back but Tia was a force to be reckoned with. Lauren didn't stand a chance. Tia had her pinned to the ground, throwing punches left and right. I wondered if I could allow this to happen? Would that make me a terrible person? Could I really let Tia beat Lauren to a pulp?

Yes, Lauren was a pathetic. Yes, she did deserve this. But what would this solve? Nothing. It solves nothing. I gazed at Lauren as Tia pounded her face in. The look in Lauren's eyes caused me to shiver. It was a look of pure, raw fear. The look mirrored how I felt every night whist living with Phil. I instantly felt disgusted with myself. It didn't matter that Lauren deserved every punch that was thrown at her. In the end, I would be just like Phil. I didn't want that. As much as I wanted to continue watching the display, I couldn't.

I sighed deeply, somehow finding the will to get up from the ground and stepped toward Tia. I caught her arm, just as she was about to punch Lauren. "Bella?" She screeched.

"Tia stop." I told her, in a voice that ended the conversation. Tia sighed angrily, and glared at Lauren. She stepped back, and cracked her knuckles, that were now covered in blood.

"Lauren, you're pathetic." I stated calmly. I laughed without humor, and shook my head. "I really _shouldn't _have stopped Tia. I should've let her beat the shit out of you. But I didn't. Because unlike you, I _care _about how other human beings feel." I told her. I stared at her face intently.

"The look in your eyes reminded me of how I felt every single day for years, and I couldn't stand to see someone go through what I went through.

"You decided to steal my medical file, and let everybody in on this little secret of mine. For what? So Edward would want you? Did you really think he would want someone who purposefully tried to hurt another person? You ruin people's lives for your sick enjoyment. _You disgust me."_

Lauren had tears streaming down her face she shook her head rapidly from side to side.

"You should leave now," I suggested. I glanced over at Tia, who was shaking with anger, as she death glared at Lauren. "Before-" I pointed in Tia's direction. "I let her finish you up."

Lauren nodded vigorously before standing up and dashing over to car. Tia rushed over to me, and pulled me into a bone crushing hug. "I'm so sorry, Bells."

I shook my head. "It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault." Tia let go of me.

"Bells, I had no idea." Sam whispered. "I'm sorry." He pulled me into a tight embrace. He buried his head in the crook of my neck. I felt the tears as they streamed down his cheeks.

"Sam, it's not your fault." I whispered hoarsely. I wrapped my arms around him. He squeezed me tighter, and lifted me off the ground.

"I should've known, I'm suppose to be your best friend."

"I didn't want you to know, don't beat yourself up for this..." I trailed off.

Sam sighed softly as he put me down. Jasper opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off. "I'm not looking for you guy's pity. You feeling sorry for me isn't going to redo the last few years of my life." I snapped.

Angie looked over at me. Her expression un-readable. "You don't have to pretend to want to be friends with me either. If you guys are freaked out then I totally understand."

"Bella you are being ridiculous." Jess snapped. Emily and Angie nodded in agreement. "Of course we still want to be friends with you. This doesn't change anything." Angie said softly.

"Seriously. We'll always love you." Sam said.

"You're serious?" I said in disbelief.

"Of course we're serious Bella." Jasper said. "We love you, in sickness and in health. For better or for worse. For richer-" I cut him off. "We're not getting married, Jasper." I chuckled lightly. "But, I see your point."

I smiled warmly at my group of friends. Alice pulled me to her. "You should talk to Edward." She whispered in my ear. I glanced at Edward from the corner of my eye. He was sitting on top of the picnic table with his head in his hands. I nodded slowly, and pulled away from her.

I walked over to his sulking form, and sat down next to him.

"Why didn't you tell me about the abuse?" He whispered. I sighed in frustration. "I don't know! I just I didn't want people to be weird around me." I told him honestly.

"Even me?" He asked bitterly. He lifted his head, so that he could look at me.

"Especially you!" I shouted. "I never wanted you to know about this. It was bad enough that you knew about the self-harm and anorexia. Let alone me being a victim of abuse."

"I wish you would've told me. I would've understood a lot more than you might have thought."

"Yes, and you would know _exactly _how I-" I stopped myself mid sentence, remembering the conversation I had with Alice in her bedroom that night so many weeks ago. Edward would know how it felt to be a victim of abuse, having watched his mother and sister suffer from his drunken father's abuse. In a way, Edward would've been able to sympathize with me.

"Yes, Bella. I _would _know."

I slowly put my hand down. "Edward, don't. You don't have to put all your shit on the table. It's not fair to you." I told him, and laced our fingers together, I looked up at him. He stared into my eyes for a few moments, reading them. After a little while his widened, and he realized that I knew.

"How do you-" I cut him off. "Alice told me why you guys are adopted, she told me what happened to your mother; and what your father did." I whispered.

"You knew? The whole time?" He whispered.

I nodded. "I knew."

"You never questioned me about it."

"It wasn't my place to question you about it, I figured you'd talk about it if you wanted to."

"I just wish that you would've told me." He said sadly. "I'm sorry," I replied. He let out a deep breath. "I just want you to know, that I'll always be here. You can talk to me about anything, you never have to feel weird around me."

I nodded once. "I know that now." He smiled down at me, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

I heard Emmett clear his throat. I quickly stepped away from Edward and dropped his hands, blushing furiously. Alice, and Rose glared at Emmett clearly upset that he ruined the moment.

"Bells are you okay?" He asked urgently.

I nodded. "Yeah, actually I am."

"God Lauren, is such a cold hearted bitch." Angela commented. Emily and Jess nodded in agreement.

"I can't believe she actually thought that we would stop wanting to be friends with you." Jessica huffed.

"I know right?" Emily agreed. "You're still the same Bella that we love." She told me.

Sam wrapped his arm around Emily, and they both smiled at me. Jess, and Angie walked over to me, and they both hugged me tightly.

Jasper, Alice, and Rose smiled sadly at me, and I gave them a reassuring smile in return.

"You're really, truly okay?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm great actually. In some sick and twisted way, I want to thank Lauren, because I feel closer to you guys, then ever." I admitted.

I was scared of my secret getting out. I always thought that having my friends know would be worse than the seventh circle of Hades. My fears seemed so stupid and irrational now. I was refreshing, and reassuring to know that this many people cared about me. I felt better now. I can't really explain it. It feels like a weight has been lifted off me. Like I'm a step closer to making a full recovery. I knew I wasn't completely healed, but everyday I'm getting closer and that feels more amazing than any slash I have ever made on my wrist. Nothing could make me relapse. _Nothing at all._


	24. Chapter 23

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT.**

**Chapter Twenty Three.**

In the back of my head I knew that this day would come. I just tried not to think about it. The day I had dreaded since I saw Tia and Sam sitting on my bed. Sunday. In other words, the day Tia and Sam have to leave. As much as I didn't want them to get on that plane, I knew they had to. _I would see them again in less than a week. _I kept telling myself. But in reality, I knew that there was a high possibility that I wasn't going to Seattle. I had gotten in a fight and even though it wasn't on school property I could still get suspended, and I could still get kicked off the soccer team. I'm just hoping that Dr. and Mrs. Mallory don't press charges.

I sighed deeply as I helped Tia pack her suit case. "I'm really going to miss you, T." I whispered sadly. She nodded slowly, and plopped down on my bed. "I don't want to leave."

"Hey Bells?" She asked. I turned my head in her direction. "Yeah?"

"How was it?"

"How was what?"

"_Kissing Edward?" _She sang. I blushed darkly and averted my eyes. "I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about." The corners of my mouth twitched as I fought a smile.

"Uh huh, and that's why you're blushing and trying not to smile."

I giggled softly, and sighed dreamily as I replayed the scene in my head. "It was amazing. He's amazing."

"You guys are perfect together."

"I know you're dying to say it." I laughed at her.

"You're completely right," she giggled. "I told you so, you've met your one true love."

I smiled shoved her off the bed. She fell to the floor with a loud 'thump'. We both stared at each other, and erupted into a loud fit of giggles. After a few moments we composed ourselves and decided to finish packing up her things. We worked in a comfortable silence. Once we were finished we both looked at each other sadly. Tia picked up her suit case, and we walked slowly down to the living room.

Sam and Emmett were sitting on the couch talking about Lord knows what. I coughed to acknowledge Tia and I's presence. Sam turned around, and in 3 long strides he had reached where Tia and I were standing. He enveloped me in a bone crushing hug. I threw my arms around his neck, as I nuzzled into his chest. I sighed deeply trying to get his scent impeded into my brain. Sam was more than a best friend. He was like a older brother to me. He always reminded me of Emmett. Perhaps that was why I loved him so much.

He put me down after a few moments. He smiled down at me, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. His dark eyes were filled with pain and longing. I was sure my eyes mirrored those emotions. I wasn't ready for Tia and Sam to leave.

Emmett carried Tia's suit cases out to his Jeep. Tia and Sam walked on either side of me, with our fingers linked together. We quickly hopped into the back seat of Emmett's Jeep as Em loaded Tia's things into his trunk. Once Em had everything packed up he made his way to the front seat. He put the keys in the ignition and drove off.

Tia, Sam, and I talked about anything and everything for the next 3 hours. But the 3 hours seemed to pass by all to quickly because before I knew it, Emmett was pulling the Jeep to a stop in the Sea Tac airport parking lot in Seattle. Tia reluctantly opened the door, as Sam and I slowly slid out of the Jeep. Emmett grabbed Tia's suit case, while Sam grabbed his. The four of us walked into the building. Emmett handed Tia and Sam their plane tickets, and told us that he was going to take care of the luggage. Nodding we all took a seat.

"So are you and Edward going out yet?" Sam asked. "No." My answer came out more bitter than I had hoped it would. Sam laughed, obviously at my tone of voice.

"Don't worry Bells, he only as eyes for you." Sam reassured me.

"Yeah, you should've seen the way he was looking at you." Tia added in. I nodded, as I kept a blank expression, but on the inside I was screaming. Em made his way back to us and he plopped down next to Tia. The minutes dragged as we sat in silence. I wanted so badly to break it, but I couldn't think of anything to say.

"_Flight 47 to Phoenix is now boarding." _

"That's us." Tia whispered, as she stood. Sam stood, and pulled Tia and me into a hug.

"We'll see each other in less than a week." Sam tried to reassure us. I felt Tia nod into his chest.

"Yeah, Bells. The time will pass by before we know it." She told me. I could tell by her tone that she didn't believe a word she was saying.

We embraced each other for a few more moments, before we broke apart. Sam kissed my forehead lightly. I pulled Tia into a tight hug. I kissed her cheek, before she pulled away. She walked over to Sam and they laced their fingers together. I watched with a emotionless mask as they walked away. They turned to me and smiled sadly. "BYE BELLS!" They shouted at the same time. They waved, and proceed to walk away. I stood there standing at the window until the plane took off and they were gone.

Emmett pulled me along, and I leaned into his arm as we walked back out to the Jeep. I silently climbed into the vehicle, and buckled my seat belt. I could tell that Emmett wanted to say something to me, but he kept his mouth shut and I silently thanked him. I was on the brink of tears as I stared out of the window. I blinked ferociously as I fought against the water works.

_Flashback_

_I laughed as Tia and I ran around the playground. I tried not to think of Phil. I tried not to think of what he was doing to my mother right now. I grimaced at the thought of her. I did love my mother. She was my mom. She birthed me. But I was mad at her. No. Not _mad. _I was freaking pissed off. I had never been so angered by one person in my entire life. _

_Tia broke me out of my thoughts, as she pulled me to 'our spot' _. _We sat down under the jungle Jim, and smiled. Tia giggled. "Look at the tiny forth graders!" She laughed. "Tia they're not that tiny." I told her. She shook her head vigorously from side to side. "We are in fifth grade, and they are in fourth, they are tinnier than us." She said. "So that makes them tiny fourth graders." _

_I chuckled and flicked a piece of mulch. "Whatever, T." Out of the corner of my eye I saw a little boy sitting in the corner hugging his knees to his chest. I shook Tia lightly. "What?" She asked. The annoyance clear in her voice. _

"_What's your-" I immediately stopped talking when I followed her gaze. She was staring at Benjamin Pena once again. I stifled my laugh as she started at him dreamily. Tia had be stalking, well not 'stalking' per say but you might as well call it that. _

_Anyways, she has been stalking Ben since 3__rd__ grade when he moved to Phoenix. She had been denying that she liked him for the past two years. Claiming that he had 'cooties' when we both knew that guys didn't have 'cooties'. We both had gotten over that phase years ago. _

"_Tia!" I whisper yelled at her. She turned her head in my direction. I pointed at the little boy who was now staring at us. "Who's he?" I whispered. She shrugged her shoulders, as she crawled over to him. _

"_Hi!" She said brightly. "What's your name?" _

"_I'm Sam." He told us, as he tucked some of his long hair behind his shoulder. _

"_I'm Tia!" She introduced herself. "And this is my best friend Bella." Tia told him, and pointed to me. I smiled softly at Sam, and extended my hand out for him. He took it, and smiled back at me._

"_It's nice to meet you." He said sincerely. _

"_I've never seen you before." I said. "Are you new?" _

_He nodded slowly. "I just started school here today." He mumbled. _

"_So why are you sitting here by yourself?" Tia asked. I scoffed at her._ Tia he's new here and doesn't have any friends, why do you think he's sitting under the jungle Jim all alone?_ I thought dryly._

"_I didn't have anyone to play with." He said sadly. Tia laughed at him. "Nuh-uh!" She said, with a grin. I raised an eyebrow at her. "You have us!" She giggled and pointed between her and myself. My lips slowly transformed into a grin._

"_Yeah!" I shouted enthusiastically. "Come play with us!" _

_He nodded. "Okay." _

_I smiled. This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship._

_End flashback_

I smiled widely to myself. That had been a great day. My smile faltered as I thought more about Sam and Tia. I missed them so much already and it had been barely two hours since they had boarded the plane.

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes. I could feel the tears building up behind my closed eye lids. I tired not to give into the urge to curl into a ball. I would wait till I was in the confines of my room before I broke down.

Sighing sadly I reopened my eyes when I heard Emmett pulling the Jeep into our drive.

I shot out of the car, like a bat out of hell. I proceeded to walk up the stairs but Emmett stopped me.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded. "I'm fine." I lied.

I could tell that Emmett didn't believe me, but he didn't push it. I mentally thanked him. I dashed into my room, and shut the door. I didn't make it to my bed before the tears took over me. I curled up into a tight ball as I wrapped my arms around my knees. I sobbed softly. I wanted Tia to be here and wrap her arms around me. I wanted to be able to lean into Sam's warm embrace and inhale his musky, woodsy scent.

I wanted Tia and Sam. I wanted my best friends.


	25. Chapter 24

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter Twenty Four.**

My head was pounding when I woke up the following morning. I groaned as I sat up. I vaguely remember changing my clothes, and crawling into bed. It must have been a little after midnight. I rubbed my temples as I tried to make the pounding stop. I knew that today wasn't going to go well, I could feel it in my bones. _I'm so not going to Seattle for championships. _I thought dryly.

I threw the covers off, and slowly slid out of bed. I grabbed a towel and made my way to the bathroom. After a quick shower, I brushed my teeth and padded back to my room. I quickly ran a brush through my hair, and put it up into a pony tail – not wanting to deal with the straightener. I put on my under garments, and dug through my drawers until I found a pair of yoga pants. I slipped on a plain white long sleeved shirt, my Northface jacket, and a pair of running shoes.

I grabbed my books off the floor, and my phone from the charger and made my way down stairs.

"Mornin' Bells." Emmett said cheerfully as I entered the kitchen. I nodded in his direction.

The ride to school was awkward and silent. Emmett could tell that I wasn't in a talking mood, and I was glad that he didn't try to make conversation with me. We reached the school parking lot and I quickly made my way to first period English. I picked at my black nail polish as I droned in and out of Mr. Mason's lecture.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked up at Mr. Mason; he was completely absorbed into his lecture on Shakespeare, so I knew that he wouldn't notice if I pulled my phone out.

I quickly flipped it open. I smiled involuntarily when I saw that I had a text from Edward.

_Are you okay?_

_-E_

My eyes wandered until I found him sitting across the room. He was staring at me with a smile on his face. I looked back down at my phone and quickly typed a reply.

_Yeah, Im just tired nd stressed out._

_-B xoxo_

My phone went off again, but I didn't have time to check it because my name was called on the intercom.

"_Isabella Swan please report to Principle Greene's office immediately." _

I groaned inwardly, because I knew what it was about. _Lauren. _I thought icily. I felt Edward's eyes on me as I gathered my things, and made my way out of the classroom. I slowly walked down the empty hall down to the main office. I sighed when I reached Principle Greene's office door. I peeked through the rectangular glass window, and saw Charlie, Lauren and Dr. Mallory sitting in front of Principle Greene's desk. I hesanitly knocked on the door. Not long after I heard a muffled, _"Come in" _from the other side of the door.

I slowly opened the door, and I felt eyes on me as I slowly took the open seat next to my father. I peeked at him from the corner of my eye, and I could tell that he was furious. I glanced toward Lauren, and I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing. Her right eye was black, purple, blue, and completely swollen. Her lip had a rather big cut in it, and she had a nose bandage on.

Principle Greene motioned for Charlie to speak. He took a deep breath before opening his mouth.

"Isabella," he began. I took a deep, shaky breath as I turned to face him.

"I have no clue, what possessed you, and your friends to do this to poor Lauren. I know that you don't like her but, you didn't have to get physical with her. All she was doing was coming down to La Push to give you your present, and-" I cut him off.

"To give me my _present?_" My jaw dropped in disbelief. "Dad! You _can not _be serious. Did she seriously tell you that she was coming down to give me a _present?_" I shouted, not caring who heard me.

"Isabella Marie" Charlie growled.

"She stole my file from Dr. Mallory!" I told everyone "she completely humiliated me."

"Miss Swan lying will get you no where." Principle Greene said and glared at me.

"Now, now" Charlie grumbled "don't go accusing my daughter of lying."

"It's obvious that she's lying" Lauren whined "why would I steal her medical file?"

"Oh, I wonder why" I growled under my breath. "Bella" dad addressed me, his voice kinder now.

"She read my medical history out loud in front of everyone" I explained "she's a terrible person!" Charlie stared intently at my face, searching for any signs of deceit. After a few moments he sighed deeply, massaging his entire face with the palm of his hand.

"I know a liar when I see one," dad addressed Principle Greene "and my daughter is no liar."

I let out a big breath that I didn't know I was holding. Lauren was crying, begging her father to believe her, I wished that I could be the one to hit her this time. I really hated Lauren. I know there's some golden rule that says that people aren't suppose to hate, but I'm finding it hard to abide by that. Everyday the burning hate I have for the girl intensifies.

"Are you really telling the truth Bella?" Dr. Mallory asked, a solemn expression on his face. "I promise you Dr. Mallory, I'm being completely honest."

Principle Greene cleared his throat "it doesn't matter which one of these young ladies is lying. The fact of the matter is, the girls had a physical altercation. I cannot permit them to play in the upcoming championship soccer game this weekend."

"You can't be serious!" Lauren gasped.

My jaw dropped. I briefly considered telling Principle Greene that I wasn't the one who got physical with Lauren, so I should be allowed to play in the game. I didn't want to get Tia in any sort of trouble, she deserved to play, and her parents would severely punish her for getting violent. I gritted my teeth, and glared at Lauren.

"I'm sorry ladies, rules are rules. You're lucky I don't suspend both of you for fighting."

"You've got to be kidding me! It wasn't even my fault, dad do something!" "Bells I can't do anything." He told me.

"But your freaking Chief of Police!" I whined.

"What do you want me to do arrest Principle Greene for doing his job?"

"If that's what it takes" I mumbled. "Bella..." Charlie reprimanded me.

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. "This is ridiculous."

"Principle Greene, why do I have to be punished? I wasn't the one who was throwing punches." Lauren sneered, glaring in my direction.

"Lauren Nicole Mallory, we both know that you had something to do with this. You had no right to steal Bella's medical file from me." He glared at Lauren with deep anger and disappointment.

"Daddy" Lauren cried "you can't punish me!"

I heard Dr. Malloy mumbled a "watch me" as he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb.

"Give me your car keys" he demanded flatly.

Lauren shook her head vigorously from side to side "no."

"_Now Lauren." _Dr. Mallory growled. I watched in amusement as Lauren pulled her keys out of her Coach bag, and dropped them into her father's trembling hands.

Principle Greene sighed deeply "I better not see either of you ladies in my office again. Next time I won't be so kind."

"Thank you so much Principle Greene." Charlie said and stood up to shake his hand. Charlie told Principle Greene that he had to head back to the station. He kissed me on the forehead and told me that he would see me at home.

Principle Greene wrote Lauren and I a pass back to class, and Lauren quickly exited the room. Dr. Mallory and I walked side by side out of the office. I turned to him and smiled timidly.

"Dr. Mallory I am so sorry." I told him sincerely. I was about to continue my apology when he cut me off.

"It's quite alright Bella," he sighed. "I understand, Lauren had no right to do what she did. Granted you and your friends could have reacted better, but it happens." he told me, I could tell that he was being sincere.

I smiled "thank you." I whispered.

"Anytime dear."

"Dr. Volturi was right." I said quietly to myself. "What was she right about?" Dr. Mallory asked.

"You're not so bad Dr. Mallory, I can see why she likes you so much." Dr. Mallory smiled sheepishly, and patted me on the back. "You're not so bad yourself either."

I sighed deeply, a small smile playing at the edges of my lips. "Dr. Mallory?"

"Yes Bella?"

"Do you think that it'd be okay if I called you Derek now?" I asked timidly.

Dr. Mallory smiled widely. "Yeah, I think that'd be okay."


	26. Chapter 25

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter Twenty Five.**

As I walked back to class I thought about what had just happened in Principle Greene's office. I was seething, I couldn't believe Lauren. I couldn't believe that I had gotten suspended from playing the championship game this weekend because of Lauren. I hated her. I know there's some golden rule that says that people aren't suppose to hate, but I'm finding it hard to abide by that. Everyday the burning hate I have for the girl intensifies.

I sighed deeply to myself, I knew in the back of my head that this wasn't all Lauren's fault. I could have handled the situation better than I did. I'm just as bad as Lauren because I stooped to her level with violence. I was glad that I wasn't the only one suffering from the consequences of Lauren's stupidity though, she deserved her punishment. Frankly, I feel as if she deserves a whole lot more than the punishment she received.

The bell rang while I was walking, so I turned around and went to my locker. I quickly put my English binder away and grabbed the notebook I usually bring to Geometry class. Jessica and Alice sprinted toward me.

"What was that about?" Jess asked, anxiously.

"Lauren" I replied flatly. Jessica and Alice both groaned at the same time, sharing an annoyed expression.

"So what did Greene say?" Alice asked.

"Lauren and I can't play in the Championship game."

"What!" Jess screeched loudly as we walked, causing the other students in the hall to look quizzically at her.

Alice gasped "that's terrible!"

"What is Principle Greene on? He can't do that! You're our best goalie!" Jess growled "and Lauren is center forward! The only other person that is good enough to be center forward is you," Jess pointed to me. "and you can't even play! This is bullshit!"

"Jesus Jessica calm down" Alice smirked. "Alice she has a point. We have no chance of winning now. Phoenix is really good."

"Are you sure your're not biased?" Alice asked me. I shook my head. "No, trust me they are."

"Is there anyway that you'd be able to play?"

"Yeah a freaking miracle." I mumbled. "You never know!" Alice shouted as she walked away,

"We're screwed" Jess whined as we walked through the classroom door. "Tell me about it." I grumbled as I took my seat.

"You aren't serious!" Angela shouted.

"We lost two of our best players because Lauren had to be stupid." Jess groaned.

"Coach is going to murder us at practice today." I said. Everybody nodded in agreement. I slouched in my seat and picked at the bagel on my tray. A few moments later, Emmett strolled into the cafeteria with Rosalie on his arm. Jasper and Alice following behind them. I sat up straight in my seat. My eyes searching frantically for Edward. I spotted his tousled bronze locks when he entered the cafeteria. Our eyes met from across the room. I smiled widely and waved. He winked in response. My cheeks heated up, and I turned back around. I bit my lip to keep the smile off of my face.

"You have it bad." Emily giggled. I glared at her, but didn't deny it.

"You were the one getting cozy with Sam last weekend." Now it was Emily's turn to blush.

"He's so hot." Jessica sighed dreamily, I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Mike Newton." Angela said and made kissing faces at Jess. Jess blushed and was suddenly interested in the salad on her tray.

"You _still _like him?" I asked incredulously. I turned my head in Mike's direction, I didn't know what Jess saw in him.

"I think he likes me." Jess whispered.

"I thought he went out with that Claudia chick." Emily commented.

"No, they broke up." Angie corrected her.

"If he does ask you out, you're not going to get with him again are you?"

Jess shrugged. "I really like him, and it's not just for sex either."

"I heard he's not even that great." Emily giggled. Jessica laughed. "He's not bad but he's no Ed-" Jessica cut herself off.

"You were about to say 'he's no Edward' weren't you?" I said flatly. Jess nodded. I knew that Edward wasn't exactly inexperienced when it came to sex. Actually, he was probably one of the more experienced guys out there when it came to sex. Edward was the type of person who loved having sex, and wasn't afraid to go out and get it. He had been with at least half of the girls at Forks High School, Jessica was one of them. I couldn't be mad at Jessica though, their little fling happened before either of them knew I existed. I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. I doubted that I'd ever be able to be with Edward in that way, and I'm not stupid eventually Edward would want to take this to that level. I don't think I'd be able to handle that, even if it was with Edward. My inability to be intimate with people is just another thing I can add to the list of reasons Edward shouldn't want me.

"I'm sorry Bella." Jess whispered. "No it's fine."

"I really am sorry Bella."

"No I'm serious it's fine."

"If it's any constellation, he only has eyes for you. I can tell."

"You really think he likes me?"

"Are you _blind?" _Angela gaped.

"No but-" Emily cut me off "he is completely head over heels for you. It's written all over his face."

I turned around and looked at him. I sighed, only Edward could make paying for food look wonderful. His head snapped up and he smiled when he saw me staring. I smiled back. Jessica laughed. "See we told you. Look at that smile." She pointed to him.

"His eyes twinkle when he looks at you." Angela cooed.

I heard the chair next to me screech, I turned to see Alice and Rose taking their seats. "What are you guys talking about?" Rose asked.

"Nothing." I told her.

"We're talking about how Edward has it bad for Bella." Jess giggled. I shoved her lightly on the shoulder.

"Doesn't he?" Alice asked. "I'm surprised you two aren't together yet."

The table nodded in agreement. Edward finally made his way to the table. Jess smirked and slid over a seat.

"Hi." I whispered to him.

"Hey."

"Aren't you hungry?" He asked. I glanced at the tray from the corner of my eye. "Not really."

"Bella what'd you get called to the office for this morning?" Jasper asked as he took his seat next to Alice.

"Lauren." I told him.

"We are going to get our asses kicked." Emily growled.

"Em, you'll probably take my place as goalie and I don't know who's gonna take Lauren's spot."

"What are you talking about?" Edward asked. "Lauren and I can't play in the game this weekend because we were fighting. That's why I got called to the office this morning."

"I'm sorry Bella, I know how bad you wanted to play."

"It's okay I mean there's always next year, and at least we didn't get suspended."

"That's true." He agreed.

"Coach Clapp is going to be furious though." Rose commented.

"Ain't that the truth?" Jess, Angie, Emily and I said in unison.

**~ooOoo~**

I was feeling a mixture of fear and irritation as I jogged to the field. Coach is going to furious. She glared at me when I came to a stop in front of her. She called Lauren over. Lauren smiled smugly at me as she sprinted toward me and Coach Clapp.

"Now, I talked to Principle Greene and Lauren is allowed to play in the game this weekend." Coach told me.

My jaw dropped, and I started at Coach as if she had grown a third head.

"I'm going to have Emily take your spot, and I wouldn't be having Lauren play if it wasn't for the fact that I don't have a girl to replace her."

"You can't be serious."

"Oh I am."

"This is so un-fair. It's Lauren's fault that I'm in this mess and you're going to let her play."

"What's done is done. The only way that you'll be able to play is if Emily gets hurt." As if on cue Emily let loose a blood curdling scream. We all rushed over to her sulking form, she was curled up in a ball cradling her arm.

_Oh no! _I thought. Coach pushed her way through the circle of people.

"What happened?" Coach asked frantically and crouched down next to Em.

"I think I broke my arm!" Emily whined. Her eyes watered and her lips trembled as she fought tears.

"Let me see." Emily sucked in a sharp deep breath, and a single tear rolled down her cheek when Coach picked up her arm.

"I think you're right about the break. Somebody call 911."

Coach looked up at me. "It looks like you're playing this weekend."

I tried not to be happy. After all it was Emily that got hurt. I wanted to be happy but it felt wrong.

"Em are you okay?" I whispered.

"I'll be fine." She whispered back.

"I'm sorry." I told her.

"Don't be. You deserve to play. You should be happy."

"You're hurt, so how could I be happy?"

"It's not that bad. I've broken my arm a million times." Emily stood up when we heard the sirens from the ambulance. We all followed her to the parking lot.

"You get to play." Angela said with a smile on her face.

"Yeah, at Em's expense."

"At least you get to play, and Emily will be fine." Jess tried to reassure me. Emily smiled at me, before the EMT strapped her on to a stretcher, and loaded her into the ambulance.


	27. Chapter 26

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Six.**

_Here I stand. Empty Hands. Whishing my wrists were bleeding. To stop the pain from the beatings._

_- Red Sam by Flyleaf._

Those days when I decide to take a look at the fabric of my life. Those days when I think back to Phil, Phoenix, and _Renee. _Those days when I wish I was able to slit my wrists. Those days where I wish I was dead.

Today was one of those days.

I dragged my feet as I slowly climbed up the steps. Charlie was at the station, and Emmett was with Rosalie. I was alone. I didn't know how I felt about that. I used to love being alone. Being alone meant that I was safe. Not so much lately. Being alone now, it scares me. I don't feel safe. I feel tempted, and un-protected. The razors are calling my name. Begging to be picked up. All the while I know that I can't.

The week passed slowly for me. The happiness I was feeling on Monday left just as quickly as it came. Today was Wednesday, but it feels like it should be a Friday. Though, I always liked Wednesday's. They were the second to last days of the school week. After Wednesday came Thursday, and then after Thursday it was finally Friday. Friday's were always my favorite. Phil always let me out on the weekends.

He wanted me to have a social life, so people wouldn't get suspicious. He knew I wouldn't dare breath a word to Tia or Sam. You'd think that I'd be terrified coming home on Sunday's. But I wasn't. Phil was always passed out on the couch. Rarely he would be awake. However Monday's were always the worst, he would make up for my weekend away. I shuddered as I remembered.

I shook my head slowly from side to side. Trying to clear it. I tried to keep my mind off of the depressing aspects of my life. But my thoughts kept bouncing back to the shit hole, I try to call _my life. _I knew it was irrational. I knew that I should be happy but I wasn't. I can't erase the last few years of my life regardless of how much I want to.

I reached the top of the steps, and I eventually made my way into the room. I dropped my soccer bag on the ground, and plopped down on my bed. I really hated having these days. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to happen. I didn't know if it was good or bad, but I knew it was _something. _That also scared me. The feeling that something was going to happen, and not knowing what to expect.

I never knew what to expect anymore.

I sighed deeply while running a few fingers through my hair. I allowed myself to think about everything. I opened myself to the pain, the pain that on any other circumstances I wouldn't think about remembering. My past was a part of me, and I knew I couldn't ever leave it behind. No matter how desperately I wanted to.

_Flashback;_

_I heard foot steps down the hall. I couldn't bring myself to care. All the beatings in the world from Phil couldn't compare to the pain of this. Guilt consumed me as I cradled my mother in my arms. __I heard the hinges on the door squeak as it was opened further._

"_What in the-" Phil stopped talking when he took in the sight before him. He crouched down next to me and glared. I stared blankly at him. I really didn't care anymore. I didn't care about anything. I was completely numb. I heard the beeping of the phone as Phil dialed the number to what I guessed was 911. _

_I didn't know when I stopped crying but I eventually did. Phil tried to make me move, but I was frozen in my spot on the ground. I was vaguely aware of the sirens in the distance, and the sound of Phil cursing me to the deepest pits of hell. _

_I felt a pair of un-familiar hands trying to pry my fingers off of my mothers dead body. That triggered something inside of me. I screamed as loud as my lungs would let me. I clung to the lifeless human body in my arms. Silently hoping that this was all a nightmare. _

"_NO!" I screeched. I was crying again. A loud in-human sound escaped my lips, as another man rushed in to help. _

"_Bella please get up." Phil ordered. To the paramedics he sounded like a caring father, that probably was trying to keep a poker face about the scene he was facing. But I knew better. I could hear the faint hint of hostile anger that Phil was oh so good at hiding around others. _

_His voice was sickly sweet, and chilled me to the bone. He and the two paramedics managed to pry me away from my mother's body. Phil carried me to the couch and wrapped me up in a warm afghan. _

_He stood up and went to speak to one of the police officers that I didn't know was here. I wanted to close my eyes as the paramedics placed my mom in a body bag and carried her out on a gurney._

_The image of her lying lifeless on the tile floor of my bathroom would stay with me for as long as I lived. After a few moments Phil escorted the officers out of the house. I held my breath as he shut the door and turned toward me. A evil grin playing at the corners of his lips._

_He ripped the afghan off of me, and threw me to the ground before I could even register that he was standing in front of me._

"_Isabella darling__." He cooed. I looked down at the ground._

"_You will look at me when I am speaking to." He spat. He drew his hand back and smacked me before I could register what was happening. _

_I slowly lifted my head up. The look in his eyes made me cringe backward. His grey eyes were were a shade darker, and coated with mischief. He eyed me hungrily before ripping the night gown from my body. __I started up at him in horror, he had never done anything like this before. _

"_I can finally have you all to myself__." Phil whispered in a voice that sent tremors down my spine. He slowly removed my underwear, I gasped in shock as I tried to move away from him._

_I couldn't let this happen. I screamed, as I squirmed away from his touch. I kicked rapidly at him. I winced at the crunching sound his nose made when my foot collided with his face. _

"_Tsk, tsk, tsk Isabella. You're being a very bad girl.__" He sneered, slapping me once more. His clammy hands moved from my face, down my neck, across my shoulders, and down my arms. I whimpered as his fingers lightly traced the skin on my ribs. _

"_How many times do I have to tell you?" he whispered "you eat way too much, you're just going to gain more, and more weight honey." __His fingers grazed my breast, while his other hand traveled farther down. Tears welled in my eyes, and __I whimpered as his fingers grazed the soft skin between my legs._

"_Phil, please" I choked out "stop." __He chuckled darkly "I don't think so." I couldn't stop the tears from falling as I heard him unbuckle his belt. I squirmed away from him, as he pulled his pants down exposing his flesh to me._

"_No!" I cried as he lined himself up with my entrance. I balled my hands into fists, pounding against his chest in an attempt to break free. He grabbed my hips roughly with his hands, pinning me down to the ground. I cried softly when I felt him slowly push inside of me. I cried out in pain as his member stretched me from the inside, it felt as if I had been ripped in half. The pain was unbearable. _

_I tried to escape his grasp, but he tightened his grip on me. __I screamed and thrashed around but that only seemed to edge him on, because the harder I tired to escape the faster he moved. Eventually I realized that there was no stopping him so I gave up, and let him finish. After a few moments, he pulled out, and let his load out onto my stomach._

"_I think that we are going to be very happy together." He whispered as he got dressed._

_End flashback;_

I slowly faded back into reality. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the dampness on my pillow. I tried to delete the images of that morning from my brain, but I couldn't stop them from replaying in my head. I curled myself into a ball as I sobbed silently. I wrapped my arms around my knees, as I fought to forget. I didn't know how much time had passed before I heard the front door open. I wasn't sure if I could bear the weight of my memories anymore. Days like today remind me of all the reasons I wanted to end it all in the first place. I wondered how I would find the strength to live for another day.


	28. Chapter 27

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT.**

**Chapter Twenty Seven. **

I felt absolutely hideous when I woke in the morning. My head was pounding and my stomach ached. I groaned as I rolled over and flipped off my alarm. I was surprised that Emmett or Charlie didn't come in and check on me last night. I was even _more _surprised that I didn't wake up screaming from another nightmare.

After a shower, I dressed, brushed my teeth, and made my way down stairs. On my way down I could hear the hushed tones of Charlie and Emmett.

"_Dad, I'm worried about her. I haven't said anything because I know that she doesn't like it, but she's not eating and she'd becoming more and more withdrawn. I think she might be depressed." _Emmett rushed out in one breath. His voice was thick, and laced with concern.

"_Yeah, Em me too. I'm surprised Dr. Mallory doesn't have her on anti-depressants. _He said. _"I know that she hates it when we worry about her, so lets just keep a close eye on her and if she doesn't improve then we can call Dr. Mallory and see what he can do." _Charlie said firmly.

That's when I decided to make my presence known. I walked casually into the kitchen, and they abruptly stopped talking. I tired to keep a poker face as I made a bowl of cereal. I grimaced at the sugary, cinnamony, squares. I read over the nutrition facts; three grams of fat, twenty five carbohydrates, and one-hundred thirty calories. I felt Charlie's and Emmett's eyes on me as I ate my cereal in silence. I did my best to ignore them.

My thoughts drifted toward Edward. I smiled slightly as I took a big bite of food. _Edward. _I longed for his pressence. I missed the warmth of his embrace, and the comfort I found there. I longed for the tingly feelings, and innocent butterflies. My mood gradually improved as the morning progressed. I was going to see Tia, and probably Sam on Saturday. The thought alone improved my mood ten fold.

I gathered my books and kissed Charlie on the cheek. "Bye dad, I love you."

I grabbed Em's keys off the key ring and trotted out the door. I heard Em mumbled a 'goodbye' to Charlie before following me outside.

"Bells!" Em called.

"Yeah?"

"Is there anything you need to talk about?" he raised an eyebrow at me. I shook my head "no Emmett, I'm fine." He eyed me for a few moments, obviously convinced that I wasn't fine but he did't press me on it.

"Can I drive?" I asked with a faint smile. "Sure." He said cheerily.

He hopped in the passenger side while I walked around to the drivers. Once I was in the Jeep, he snatched my iPod from my bag, and plugged it into the jack that was connected to his Jeep's stereo. I couldn't help but laugh as Emmett nodded his head to the breakdowns of a Parkway Drive song. He was a bit out of his element here, but he seemed to be enjoying himself anyways.

I tapped my fingers to the beat of the song, mouthing the lyrics as I drove. I saw Edward's Volvo parked next to Alice's Porsche, I quickly pulled into the empty spot next to her car. I shut the Jeep off, and pulled the keys from the ignition. I stepped out of the vehicle, greeting Edward with a warm smile. As usual looking at Edward sent my heart into over drive, my brain turned to mush, and I lost the ability to form sentences. He laced our fingers together as he walked me to class, I couldn't stop the automatic smile that painted itself on my face whenever I was with him.

**~ooOoo~**

"Are you excited about the championships on Saturday?" Erick asked me. I nodded vigorously as I pulled his lunch box towards me, and took the chips that were inside.

"It just sucks that you're playing your old school." Mike commented.

I shrugged. "Not really, cause I didn't play while I lived in Phoenix and I'll get to see some old friends."

Emily grinned and I winked at her. "Am I missing something?" Erick asked. I laughed when Emily blushed.

"Emily has taken a liking to one of my best friends." I told him. Angie and Jess giggled.

"Don't worry, you guys are totally great together." Jess reassured her.

"Really?" She breathed. I nodded my head in agreement. "Bella?" Erick whispered, as nervous expression painted itself on his face.

"What's up?"

"Are you sure that it's okay we're sitting here?" He asked nervously, watching my brother, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and Edward approach the table. I laughed.

"Relax, Em's not as scary as he looks, and Rosalie isn't as bitchy as you'd think. Alice is great once you get used to her enthusiasm, and Jasper is really laid back." I told him. "And well, as far as Edward goes, he's not bad at all once you get to know him." I said, and Erick raised his eyebrow at me. "You just have to get passed the whole panty dropper façade."

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett made their way to the table and took their seats. "Where's Edward?" I asked.

"Don't get your panties in a knot, he's right there." Emmett grumbled. Edward smiled at me as he sat down. "No food?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Not hungry."

"But maybe you should eat." He told me. I held up the bag of chips I stole from Erick. "I am."

Edward sighed happily, and grabbed my hand. "You look beautiful today." He told me sincerely. I snorted, and looked down at what I was wearing. I couldn't see how skinny jeans, messed up converse, and a Blink–182 t-shirt, was beautiful in anyone's book.

"If you say so."

"Bella you're breathtaking, you really should believe it." He whispered softly in my ear causing me to blush a deep crimson.

The rest of the school day passed by faster than I thought it was going to. I smiled to myself, as I wrapped a towel around my body and padded back to my room. Once in my room, I dropped the towel, and pulled on a matching underwear set. I slipped on a pair of baggy sweats, and pulled an over sized band t-shirt over my head.

I took the brush off my dresser and ran it through my wet locks. I quickly braided my hair in a big braid to the side. I tossed the brush on the floor and plopped down on my bed. I glanced over at the clock on my night stand. The time read 10:45 PM. I figured I should go to bed soon.

A tapping sound on my window startled me. I jumped up, and glanced wryly at the window. I heard the tapping again, and crawled toward the window. I opened the window and looked around.

"Bella!" I heard someone whisper. I looked down and found Edward smiling up at me. He dropped a handful of pebbles on the ground. _What the hell? _I thought.

"Edward?" I almost yelled.

"Bella, I had to see you." He told me, and proceeded to climb the tree next to my house.

"Edward are you insane?" I screeched.

"Maybe." He chuckled as he swung himself into my room. "Why didn't you just use the front door?" I asked him. "It seemed more romantic this way."

"Oh for the love of-" He cut me off with his lips. I jumped, but quickly regained composure. Slowly I reached behind him, wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands cupped my face, and his thumbs drew circles on my cheeks. After a few moments we eventually had to pull away for air.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I pulled him to the bed with me. He sat down, and I followed making myself comfortable in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me, and I was home. I couldn't help but feel safe, happy, and whole while Edward held me tightly against his chest. I felt such an overwhelming sense of rightness that I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt his fingers lightly tracing circles on my stomach, and it made my heart swell. I didn't know what to call these feelings, I didn't know how to label my feelings for Edward. I almost felt as if that maybe this was more than a crush. I liked him, I liked him a lot and I loved being with him. I loved the way he made me feel, I loved everything about him and our friendship. I wondered if I loved him.

I wouldn't deny the possibility at this point. Alice told me if and when I fell in love that I would know. With each passing moment, I felt a bit more sure about everything and my feelings for Edward. I was scared in the back of my mind, while I loved the idea of love I wasn't sure if it was smart for me to love Edward, or if I should. I wondered how Edward felt about me, and what I was to him. I was scared, but it wasn't necessarily a bad feeling, it's thrilling.

"I had to see you." He whispered.

"Yeah, you mentioned that already." I chuckled "what for? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's perfect Bella." He smiled, he lifted my chin and kissed me softly on the lips. "You're perfect," he whispered. With a smile I applied more pressure to his lips, I linked my arms around the back of his head and softly stroked the hairs at the base of his neck with my finger tips. I realized then, as Edward shared soft sweet kisses in my bedroom that I was in love with him. I loved him with every fiber of my being, I Bella Swan was madly in love with Edward Cullen. The realization frightened me but I pushed those to the back of my head to be dealt with later.

I pulled away from Edward just enough so that I could look at his face. When I looked up into his emerald orbs, I saw inside of them everything that I had been searching for; peace, safety, comfort. For a few moments I briefly considered the idea that Edward just might love me too.

"Bella," he breathed, his cool breath fanning my face. "I have to tell you something."

"Yes?" I murmured.

"I'm in l-" his sentence was cut off by the sound of my bedroom door swinging open, and my brother's shouting. "Edward, what the hell are you doing?"


	29. Chapter 28

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter Twenty Eight.**

The situation reminded me of a really bad southern-ish sitcom, where the hillbilly father bursts through the door with a riffle because he caught his arguably innocent daughter making it to third base with her boyfriend. The now angry hillbilly father would then proceed to beat the shit out of said boyfriend for 'deflowering' his arguably innocent daughter.

I could've laughed. But I didn't.

Emmett glared at Edward, then at me, and then back at Edward. Without speaking he stomped over to the bed, pulled Edward up by his shirt and pushed him up against the wall. "I told you to stay away from Bella!" he growled. Before Edward could open his mouth and defend himself Emmett balled his hand into a tight fist, and swung upward, hitting Edward square the jaw. Edward growled in response, bringing his fist back punching Emmett right in the nose. Emmett stumbled back a few steps, but quickly regained composure, throwing another punch at Edward this time hitting him directly in the eye.

Before anymore punches were thrown I scrambled up off the bed quickly moving in between Edward and my brother, trying to pry them away from each other. "Stop it!" I shouted as they fought against my arms.

"Get out of the way Bells," Emmett growled, reaching for Edward.

"Emmett!" I shouted "what the hell is the matter with you?"

"What's the matter with _me__?" _he screeched "what's the matter with _him_?" his shouted through gritted teeth.

"Calm the fuck down!" Edward growled from behind me. "I wasn't doing _anything_!"

"Really?" Emmett sneered "care to explain if why the hell you're in my sister's room if you "weren't doing anything"?"

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Stop before you pop a vein in your head." I snapped. "Get a grip, you're being crazy. Edward is right, we weren't doing anything!"

"Isabella, if you think that I'm going to-" I cut him off. "Jesus Emmett, cut the crap. Don't you think that you are over reacting just a tad?"

"No!" He almost yelled. "I'm not! Can you _imagine _what Dad would've done if he walked in on this? You are lucky that Dad is still at the station." I shrugged my shoulders. "Bella you're grounded!" Em shouted.

I chuckled darkly, and crossed my arms over my chest. "Last time I checked, you can't tell me what to do Emmett James."

He grunted in frustration, and turned to Edward, who I forgot was even here. I glanced at Edward out of the corner of my eye, and cringed. His lip was swollen, and leaking blood. His right eye was also swollen and was turning purple.

"What the _hell _are you doing here?" He asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

Edward sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb. "I had to see, Bella." He stated simply.

"You couldn't have waited 'till tomorrow?" Em's voice shook.

"Bells, you know I worry about you all the time!" He whispered. I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off. "No Bella, listen." He said firmly. I sighed, and nodded.

"You were gone for so long, I never heard from you or mom." his voice shook as he gazed sadly at me. I saw the tears building up in his eyes. I bit my lip, down casting my eyes, not being able to look at him. It was too painful.

"After you stopped writing, and calling, I got scared. Dad was too. We tried calling but after the first two weeks the line got disconnected. We wrote but, you never wrote back. I was terrified. I didn't know what was wrong, or if you were okay. While already being scared shitless, Dad gets a call from Phil saying that mom died, and that you didn't want to see us ever again. And…" he paused, and took a deep breath.

"And then a year later Dad gets the call saying that you've been hospitalized for anorexia, and self harm. And you're getting counseling because Phil abused you!" He shouted. I closed my eyes, trying to keep myself together, the tears threatening to fall down my cheeks.

"So you move back to Forks, and while I already worried about you constantly, because I'm your big brother, it's my thing. I have to worry about if you're cutting, if you're eating, if some sick bastard is hurting you…" he trailed off.

"Bells, every fucking minute of the day I worry. I can't stop thinking about you! Is she hurting herself? Are people hurting her? Is she eating? Will she be okay?" By the time Emmett had finished his rant, tears were falling freely from my eyes. I did nothing to stop them.

For the first time in years, I cried._ Really _cried. I cried for Emmett. I cried for Charlie. I cried for Tia, and for Sam. I cried for Edward, and Alice. I cried for all my friends, and family. I cried for my mother's death. I cried for all the years Phil beat _both _Renee and me. I cried for the beatings I received years after she passed.

But mostly I cried for myself. I cried for all the times I cut myself, thinking that I would never make it out alive. For every day I didn't eat, and for every time I puked food back up. For every time Phil slapped, punched, kicked, and raped me.

I felt someone pull me toward them, and I knew it wasn't Emmett. I clung to Edward like my life depended on it. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and cried into his shoulder. Every time I tired to breath in, and compose myself, I just ended up sobbing harder.

"Bella, shh, honey it's fine, you're fine." He whispered in my ear.

I shook my head rapidly from side to side. "N-n-no, E-d-d-d-ward, it's n-not – it's not – okay!" I sobbed into his chest. His arms folded around me, and my tears soaked into his shirt.

"It's all my fault!" I whispered after a few moments, when my sobbing finally subsided into silent tears.

"What do you mean?" He whispered back.

"It's my fault that my mom was beat all the time, she was tried to protect me from Phil. She did the best she could in our situation, and I told her she was a piece of shit, and then she killed herself. Renee was the only thing keeping me safe. After she died, Phil had no one to stop him. It's all my fault. I brought everything on myself!"

"Bella don't you say that!" Edward almost shouted.

"It's true!" I shot back. "And it's my fault you're hurt." I confessed. I leaned back, so I could look at his face. I brushed his black eye lightly with my finger tips.

"No, Bella that is entirely my fault. I'm the one who sunk into your room." He chuckled. "If I wouldn't have snuck into your room, and just waited till tomorrow to talk to you…" he trailed off.

"Speaking of which, what were you going to say to me before Emmett burst in here?" I asked.

Edward sighed and looked down at the floor, he looked deep in thought for a few moments, finally he smiled wickedly, and looked back up at me. "I'm in love with you." He whispered softly in my ear.

Edward _loved _me. And I loved him. We loved each other.

I gasped, and pulled his face to mine. I attacked his lips, and poured all my love for him into the kiss. The suddenness of my attack caused Edward to stumbled backwards a bit, but he quickly regained balance and returned my kiss with a vigor. I knotted my fingers in his hair, clinging to him as if my life depended on it. After a while I had to pull away for air. I smiled widely, looking up at him. "I love you too, Edward." I whispered.

Emmett cleared his throat. I jumped and pulled away from Edward, and moved to stand in front of him. Emmett wouldn't try anything, with me in the way.

Despite the situation, Emmett chuckled. "Relax, Jingle Bells, I'm not going to hurt lover boy over here. Even though I hate to admit it, I can see that Eddie loves you a lot, a little to much if you ask me, but anyways," Em paused and looked up at Edward.

"Sorry, dude, but you know how much I care for Bellsy." Emmett apologized. My eye brows furrowed, as I started at Emmett, my jaw falling open in shock.

Edward shook with silent laughter. "It's totally fine man. I've been in your shoes. Literally."

I raised an eye brow, turning around to face Edward. He chuckled. "Let's just say Jasper didn't get off so easy."

I gasped. "Edward!"

He shrugged his shoulders. "He had it coming. After midnight I come home, walk up stairs ready to get some sleep, to find Alice's bedroom door wide open, and Jasper pinning her against the wall, both of them buck naked, and fucking."

Emmett's booming laughter filled the house. "That was too funny." He drawled out between chuckles.

I felt out of the loop as I asked for an explanation. Em finally composed his laughter, and answered my question. "Like two years ago Alice and Jasper came out the closet about their relationship, even though everybody knows that they had been secretly dating since Ali and Ed first moved here. When Alice was a freshman Ed walked in on them bumpin' uglies and put Jazz in the hospital for a week."

"_Edward!" _I shouted.

He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "Like I said. He had it coming." I chuckled once without humor, and shook my head.

"So be glad that I didn't pull and Edward." Em told me, I rolled my eyes. "What did you even come in here for?"

"I wanted to know if I could have Step Brothers back."

**~ooOoo~**

"AHHHHHHH!" Jess, Angie, and Emily squealed as I told them about my night. Coach Clapp turned around and glared at us. We mumbled a 'sorry' before falling back into our conversation.

We had been on the bus for an hour now. We just passed through Port Angels, and still have two more hours before we arrived in Seattle. The game isn't until Sunday though. But we booked a hotel and are staying there tonight, and Sunday night. We're going to drive back down to Forks on Monday.

I still felt bad that Emily broke her arm and that was the only reason that I was able to play. I grimaced at her cast. She told me not to stress over it, because I deserved to play tomorrow, but I couldn't help but feel shitty.

"So are you guys together?" Jess asked excitedly.

"Um, well… I guess, we're not official or anything." I answered.

"He hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend yet?" Emily asked, with a hint of irritation in her tone.

I shook my head. "No,"

"They might as well be boyfriend and girlfriend though, they act like it." Angie commented. Jess nodded her head in agreement. "Totally."

I shrugged. "I guess."

A few hours later we arrived in Seattle. The bus came to a stop in a _Holiday Inn _parking lot.

Coach Clapp explained to the team on how the rest of the weekend was going to work, she gave us our room numbers, room keys, and told us who are room mates were. Thankfully I got roomed with Jessica and Angela but poor Emily and Kim got roomed with the Ice Queen herself – Lauren.

We all rushed off the bus and into the hotel. Jessica, Angie, and I were trying to find our duffel bags when I heard someone calling my name. I whipped around. "TIA!" I screamed, and ran full force at her.

We fell to the ground with a loud 'thud'. "YOU'RE HERE!" She shouted excitedly.

Both of us stood up, and embraced each other tightly. "I missed you so much!" I gushed, squeezing the life out of my best friend.

"When's Sam coming?" I wondered, urgently, when I finally let her go.

"His parents, my parents, him, and Ben are flying up, they aren't getting here till late, so we'll see them tomorrow." She told me.

"Oh my gosh!" A shrill voice, interrupted Tia and I's reunion. I groaned.

"Tanya." I said, and forced a smile. Great. Not only do I have to deal with Lauren, I have Tanya and her drones on my case as well.

"Hey Bella!" Kate, and Irina giggled. I rolled my eyes.

"Kate. Irina." I said flatly.

"Since when do you play soccer?" Irina asked me. I cringed at their high pitched voices. _  
_

"Since last year." I told them.

"What happened to you? Like did you move?" Tanya asked. I nodded slowly. "Like yeah." I answered, in a over dramatic imitation of her voice.

"And like now, we can all use our white girl voices!" Tia said in a stereotypical 'valley girl' voice. I laughed loudly.

"So are these the bimbos you were telling us about?" Angie smirked.

I nodded. "Yup."

"Whatever, Bella Swan." Tanya started. "Go ahead and talk your shit, it won't matter when we kick your ass in the game tomorrow.

"Yeah right!" Emily spat. "I'd like to see your pathetic team, no offence to Tia, try and beat us. With Bella on our team we can't lose."

"Emily!" Tia gasped suddenly. "What happened to your arm?"

Emily shrugged. "I broke it at practice on Monday. No biggie."

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?"

Emily nodded, and smiled. "It'll be fine." Tia nodded and smiled sadly.

"Whatever, we'll see tomorrow." Kate shot at us. The three bimbos flipped their bleach blonde hair over their shoulders, and walked away. I rolled my eyes.

"Gosh, Tia I feel so sorry for you." Jess sympathized, watching Tanya, Kate, and Irina saunter over to the rest of their team.

Tia nodded in agreement. "I feel sorry for me too."


	30. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine.**

I groaned, and pulled the blankets up over my head when I woke up in the morning. I heard Jessica laugh from across the room. "Good morning Star shine, the earth says hello!"

I laughed lightly from under the comforter, and threw a pillow at her. "Shut up." I growled. My phone rang, I groaned, rolled over and picked it up off the night stand.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Who is that?" Jessica giggled from across the room. "I bet it's Edward," Angela cooed.

"EDWARD AND BELLA SITTING IN A TREE," Jessica sang, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"Put a sock in it Jessica!" I half growled, half laughed, throwing another pillow in her direction.

"Having a fun morning?" Edward chuckled, I smiled at the sound of his voice.

"The best." I answered, my voice laced with sarcasm. He laughed.

"When are you guys coming up?" I asked excitedly.

"We're all driving up in Em's Jeep, and we're probably going to leave in an hour or so. Charlie and Jessica's dad are going to be leaving not too long after us."

"Oh, that's cool."

"I really miss you, Bella." Edward whispered softly.

"I miss you too." I told him.

The loud pounding on the door made me jump. "Girls get up!" Coach Clapp shouted through the door. I groaned.

"Okay Coach." Angela shouted back.

"Edward, I've got to go." I grumbled.

"Yeah, okay. I'll see you later today."

"M'kay. Love you."

"Love you too." He replied, and then the phone went silent. Sighing, I slowly closed my phone, and sat it on the nightstand.

"I call first dibs for the shower!" Angela shouted.

"I call second!" I shouted right after her.

"You guys suck." Jess whined.

When Angela finished her shower, I jumped right in. I grabbed a pair of soccer shorts and a white beater. I quickly stripped, and stepped into the shower. I sighed contentedly as the steaming water, un-knotted my back, taking away the stress.

I was nervous about the game today. I didn't know what to expect, Tia is insanely good at the game. The Phoenix team was actually pretty good. I hoped that we could pull it together and win this game.

I groaned in frustration as, I quickly washed my hair, and body. When I was finished, I turned off the water. Stepping out of the tub, I grabbed a towel off the sink, and quickly wrapped it around my body. I reached for another towel, wrapping it up in my hair. I quickly dried the rest of my body off, and threw the towel into a corner of the room.

I slipped on a pair of underwear, and a matching bra. I pulled my soccer shorts and the wife beater over my head. I pulled the towel that was drying my hair off my head, running it through my hair once before I tossed it. I picked my brush up off the counter and ran it threw my hair quickly.

Rushing I braided my hair into a French braid. Once I was finished, I walked out into the living room. Jess smiled at me, as she ran into the bathroom. Angie was already fully dressed in her uniform and was slipping on her cleats. As if reading my mind, she threw my jersey at me. I caught it, and slipped it on over my head.

I sat down next to her on the bed, and pulled the shin guards from my duffle. Making sure the shin guards were secure, I slipped on a pair of knee high socks, and quickly put on my cleats.

Once we were all dressed and ready to go, we all grabbed our room keys and exited the room. We met up with the rest of the team in the hotel lobby.

The lobby was buzzing with noise. Girls on the team were giggling, and talking. I loved the atmosphere. It was refreshing. I glanced over at Lauren, who in return shot me a dirty look.

"Okay girls!" Coach Clapp shouted, blowing her whistle. The lobby went quiet, as we all turned to look at our coach.

Clapp smiled widely. I had never seen the woman as happy as she was in the moment. "I'm so proud of all of you," she began. "I truly believe in my heart that we'll go out there today, and kick some serious ass. You girls have the skill. Most of all you have passion. So let's do this!"

We all clapped and hollered as we walked out the door. The bright sun scorched down on us as we jogged down to the field. I smiled, as a warm breeze brushed my face.

Once arriving at the field, we stretched as we prepared to warm up. After hours of Coach working us, the other team arrived at the field. I smiled and waved as Tia stepped onto the field. She shot me a wide grin.

Another hour or two went by, before people started showing up to the stadium. Coach called us into the locker room.

"We got this!" Was all she said. Each girl jogged onto the field as her name, number, and position was called. My hands shook, as I tried to control my breathing. This was huge. I knew that. Everyone on this team knew that. Everyone in the stands knew that. I couldn't let my team down.

I jumped when I heard my name on the loud speaker. Taking a deep breath, I jogged on to the field, taking my place in the goalie box. Jessica and Angie followed right behind me. My eyes searched for my family and friends. Grinning, I waved at Sam, and his and Tia's parents. After a few moments, they finally saw me. Laughing, they waved back.

I didn't see Edward, Emmett, or anyone. Worried, I glanced at Jess. She shrugged her shoulders. "My dad's not up there either."

I stared at the stands for a while longer, but I didn't have time to look long, because the game was starting. Cracking my knuckles, I slipped on my goalie gloves and put on my game face.

I cracked my neck, as the ball went into play. "He we go." I whispered to myself. With one last glance at the stands, I sighed. _Where are they?_


	31. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty.**

The ball went into to play so abruptly I almost didn't notice. I shook my head to clear it. I didn't have time to worry about why my family and friends weren't here cheering me on. I watched the ball closely, anticipating its movements. Tia smirked at me as she dribbled the ball down the field.

She kicked the ball, curving it to the corner of the net. I dove with my whole body, blocking the ball with my chest. I smirked smugly back at her. With a laugh, she sprinted back to her end of the field. I tossed the ball back into play, and cracked my neck.

The game went on like this for a while; Tia and I teasing each other, just messing around. But that all changed when we had reached the second half of the game. Both Tia and I put on our game faces, and stopped holding back. I watched Lauren closely. She ran up the field with a vigor which matched my own.

She gracefully maneuvered her way through the other team's halfbacks, always staying in control of the ball. She kicked the ball to Kim - one of the forwards. Kim nutmeged passed Phoenix's defenders. She tricked the goalie by curving the ball.

"Hell yeah!" I shouted, jumping in the air. We were only one point ahead of Phoenix, but that was good enough for me.

The score was tied three to three when the game ended, pushing us into over time. I groaned, wishing that the game would just end.

Kim dashed down toward Phoenix's goal, and shot the ball into the net. The goalie dove a second too late, and I watched in awe as the ball swished back into the net. "WE WON?" I shouted in disbelief.

I embraced Jessica and Angela in a group hug. The rest of the team joined us, as we preformed our little victory dance. I laughed loudly at Coach Clapp's expression.

"Did we seriously just win Championships?" She asked robotically.

Lauren giggled, "Yeah!"

I rolled my eyes. Her voice made me sick to my stomach. Coach shook her head in disbelief as we shook hands with the other team.

Tanya being the bitch she was, didn't shake my hand. Irina glared at me, but shook my hand. "Great job, Bella!" Kate giggled. I rolled my eyes. Instead of shaking my hand, Tia pulled me into a warm hug.

"Congrats." She said.

I smiled at her. "Sucks you didn't win."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever, there's always next year."

I laughed in agreement, as she walked away. Jess, Angie and I linked arms as we skipped back to the bus.

"Emily is going to flip her shit." Angie laughed. I nodded in agreement. Jessica sighed sadly as she sat down.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"My dad wasn't there." She whispered. She blinked back the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"Mine wasn't there either." I told her, in a feeble attempt to make her feel better. "Actually no one was there." I said mostly to myself.

"I hope nothings wrong." Jessica said urgently.

"I'm sure everything's fine." Angie told us. "They probably just got stuck in traffic or something."

"I hope you're right." I mumbled.

On arriving back at the hotel, my eyes scanned the lobby for any sight of my family. My eyes lit up when I noticed the back of Edward's head. I would know his tasseled bronze locks anywhere. Grinning I tapped Jessica on the shoulder, and pointed to where they were standing.

She smiled and pulled us over to them. Jessica squealed, and ran over to her father. I wrapped my arms around Edward, and smiled widely.

"We won!" I squealed. "Where were you guys?"

Edward bit his lip, and down cast his eyes away from me. I let go of him, and turned to Emmett, and wrapped my arms around him.

"Is everything okay?" I questioned. No one said anything.

"Where's Dad?" I asked, my eyes searching for him. Emmett sniffled, and his grip on me tightened.

I looked at my group of friends. Edward was now sitting on the ground with his head in his hands. Rosalie was rubbing soothing circles on my brother's back, telling him that it would be okay. Alice was curled up in a tiny ball on Jasper's lap. He gazed at me with a pained expression.

"What's going on?" I asked wryly.

"Is everyone okay?" Jessica asked. I jumped slightly, forgetting that she was even here.

"Guys, what's wrong?" I asked again, more firmly this time. "Where's my dad?"


	32. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-One  
**

"What's wrong?" I asked urgently. "What happened?" My throat tightened. "What's going on?"

My brother closed his eyes, squeezing them shut as tears rolled down his cheeks. Abruptly he crushed me to his chest. "Dad..." He whispered his voice broke.

I could barely hear the words. I knew then that I didn't want to hear these words.

"Bells," Emmett sobbed. I looked up at him horror struck. "What? Is he okay? What happened?" I demanded. He shook his head slowly from side to side, the tears flowing freely now.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked softly. A broken sob escaped his mouth. "He's gone." Dumbfounded I looked up at him. "What do you mean 'gone'?" My voice shook. "Where is he?"

Emmett let out a strangled cry; he gazed up at the ceiling, just staring for a few moments. "Emmett!" I shouted.

He tried to gain composure, and took a deep breath. "Bella he's gone. He's not coming back." I took a step back. I looked ahead but I was not seeing. I pulled at my hair, and slowly shook my head from side to side.

I tried to make sense of Emmett's words. "No, no, no, no, no, no." I chanted to myself. I held myself together the best I could, but as Emmett's words finally sunk in; I lost it.

I felt as if I was trapped in one of my nightmares. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think - at least not about anything but the pain. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks in waves, the salty liquid pooling at the bottom of my chin. I didn't wipe them away and I made no effort to stop them.

However, this was no nightmare. This was reality.

"Gone..." I whispered. I heard Edward's sweet voice calling my name, and then everything went black.

**~ooOoo~**

I sat up and groaned. I rubbed my eyes as I took in my surroundings. I heard whispers all around me; I looked up to see Edward gazing at me. His eyes filled with sorrow, and longing. I scratched my head. "What happened?" I whispered. He said nothing. I sighed.

"I had the most horrible dream; well it was a nightmare really." I told him. He closed his eyes, and reached for my hand. "Bella you fainted." He told me.

It finally clicked that we were sitting in my hotel room. Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Tia, Sam, Jessica's father, and my roommates, were all staring at me as if I would spontaneously combust at any moment.

"What do you mean 'I fainted'?" I asked skeptically. He sighed deeply, and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fore finger and thumb. "I really don't know how to tell you this." He mumbled. I raised an eyebrow at him. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

I looked over at Emmett hoping he could give me some answers. Sensing my gaze, he sauntered over to me. "I can take it from here buddy." He told Edward, patting him on the back.

"Emmey..." I trailed off.

With a sigh, my brother took a seat beside me on the bed. He stroked my hair for a few moments. "Bells, dad..." he gulped, closing his eyes. "He... he's, not... he... _died._" He choked on the word 'died'. My eyes widened. I brought my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, squeezing tightly. I sat in silence for a long time. I couldn't bring myself to speak. The situation was all so unbelievable. How is it that tonight went from the happiest of my life to the most horrible? It's funny how things work out.

I stared at the wall in front of me, but not really seeing it. Charlie was _dead._ I cringed. Those words just didn't sound right at all. There was no way he could be dead. The word sent shivers down my spine.

I felt like I needed to cry. A part of me wanted to. However, I couldn't make tears form. I wasn't feeling sad. I wasn't sure if I was feeling much of anything, really. I didn't know what I was.

What I felt that morning was slowly returning, ten fold. A deadly fire escaped my heart, soaring through my veins, slowly consuming me at an agonizingly slow pace. I tried to control it. Contain it. Bottle it up inside, and leave it there, never to be felt again. My feeble attempts to conceal the grief were in vain, as the aching in my chest became more profound. The sheer intensity of it caused me too hug my legs tighter against my chest. Hoping I could stop it, or at least delay what I knew was coming.

The image of my mother plagued my thoughts. I couldn't make it go away. I was sitting in her crimson blood, her body lying on the tile floor of the bathroom still, and cold.

I saw Charlie's face in my mind. I watched in horror as the light left his eyes as the life was removed from his entire being. He too was now still, and cold. Just like Renee.

He was dead.

I could barely breathe. I hoped that I would faint again, but to my extreme disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under. I did not resurface.

_"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."_

One week had passed since I had won the Championship game in Seattle. One week had passed since the death of my father. I still couldn't wrap my mind around it, the thought alone made me gag. I don't understand why I had to have my father taken away from me, just when I was beginning to feel some small ounce of happiness.

Emmett told me that Charlie had slipped on some ice on the way out the door. He hit his head, and Emmett figured all he would have had was a concussion, but just to be safe he drove our father to the hospital. He said that Charlie was conscious and fully aware of what was going on around him. They thought that everything would be fine, and that's when he went into cardiac arrest. Carlisle told me he did everything he could to save my father.

On some nights, when the pain is too much for me to bare, I can almost feel the ice cool blade slicing at my skin, the tickling sensation of the blood as it trickles down my arm, giving me a reason to smile.

I longed for that feeling. I needed it. The thought sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine.

A loud knock at my door broke me from my thoughts. "Yeah," I mumbled. Emmett smiled at me. "Bells get ready," he kindly ordered "the funeral is in two hours."

I grimaced, but didn't say anything. He stared at me for a few moments, and then walked out of my room. I sighed.

I opened the drawer at my bedside table, and pulled out the picture of my father and me. My fingers trembled, as I lightly brushed over his face. I sighed deeply and closed my eyes.

_I miss you so much._ I thought sadly, the aching manifesting its way out of my chest. Tears pooled behind my closed eyelids, quickly falling before I had a chance to stop them. I tried to make myself numb again, but the sudden rush of emotion was too much.

I strangled cry escaped my mouth, and I was done. I couldn't hold it in any longer. My feelings burst out like an exploding volcano, and my entire form shook from the intensity of it.

"Why?" I sobbed, chucking the picture frame across the room. It shattered against the wall, falling to the ground. I couldn't bring myself to care.

I was so angry, I didn't understand. Why did he have to leave me? I needed him here. I sank down to the floor and hugged my knees to my chest, as I began to cry. I rested my head on my knees, as I violently shook with tears.

My chest ached, and my body trembled. It was all too much. _"I can't stop." _I whimpered, slowly rocking back and forth. _"Make it stop."_

With a gasp, I quickly crawled over to the pile of broken glass. I slowly reached for one of the broken pieces, and hesitantly picked it up. I ran my fingers over the smooth surface of the glass. _Just a few seconds and it will all be better._ I thought.

I almost moaned at the thought of the glass slicing through my skin. I could practically feel the stinging sensation of the cut. I bit my lip in anticipation. I could almost feel the fire ignite as the blood slowly oozed out of the cut, slithering down my arm, causing the fire to spread through out my entire body.

I lowered the shard on to the skin of my left arm. I whimpered softly when the cool glass made contact with my overheated skin. "I'm sorry, Daddy." I whispered.

I pressed down hard on my skin, slowly dragging the glass along to prolong the sensation. My eyes rolled back in my head. _It's been too long._ The blood slowly oozed out in little droplets as I guided the glass down my arm.

I was panting by the time I had dropped the shard of glass. Silent tears streamed down my face as I watched my veins empty themselves. My whole arm stung, and I felt like I was on fire. I laid back, staring up at the ceiling, as I wallowed in the euphoric feeling. It was heaven. I was in heaven.

After a few blissful moments, the euphoria began to fade, only to be replaced with guilt.

_I am an idiot._ I thought bitterly.

Not only did dad just die, but also now, Emmett is going to have to deal with _this_. I wasn't sure what came over me. I wasn't thinking straight. I was only trying to make myself feel better. _How could I be so selfish? _Hot, wet tears spilled from my eyes.

"Dammit," I muttered. I sat up slowly, and grimaced at my arm.

I was angry with myself. Not only did I let my friends down. _I let myself down._

My arm was bleeding terribly, and I knew that I would take a while for it to stop completely. With an aggravated sigh, I lifted myself up off the ground. I strode over to the pile of glass, and with my foot, I slid it under my bed.

"Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!" I yelled, realizing that I had to get ready. I snatched my bag of toiletries off my dresser, and darted into the bathroom. I turned on the water, and quickly stripped out of my clothes.

I hissed when the water hit the fresh cuts on my arm. I washed away the blood the best I could. I groaned. "Stupid!"

I stepped out of the shower, and wrung the water out of my hair. I grabbed my towel, and ruffled my hair a bit before wrapping it securely around my body. I found a first-aid kit under the sink. I sighed with relief as I opened it and pulled out the gauze. Most of the bleeding had stopped while I was in the shower, but as a precaution, I securely wrapped my arm in gauze.

I put the first-aid kit back under the sink, and looked at myself in the mirror. I reached inside my back of toiletries, and pulled out the black eye pencil. I applied some black eyeliner on the bottom, and some light purple eye shadow. I used the black liquid eyeliner to draw a thin line on my top lid. Satisfied, I quickly swiped on a few layers of waterproof mascara.

I padded back to my room. After I shut my door, I dropped the towel and slipped on a pair of black boy shorts, and a matching strapless bra. I fished around in my drawer for the panty hose. When I found them, I carefully put them on, and turned to my closet.

I pulled out a knee length strapless black dress, and slipped into it. I plugged my hair dryer wall outlet. I quickly dryed out my hair, fluffiing out the natural curls. I took my bangs, french twisting them along the side of my face, and pulled the rest of my hair into a low pony tail.

Once I was finished, I sprayed my hair with hair spray. I picked up a pair of diamond stud earrings, and the matching necklace. I quickly put them on. As I was slipping on a pair of black pumps, I noticed my gauze covered arm. _Yeah, that's not obvious._ I thought sarcastically. I pulled a black long sleeved cardigan from my closet, and slipped it on. I swiped on some bright red lip-gloss, before grabbing my phone and heading down stairs.

I gulped when I saw Emmett sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. I pulled on the sleeve of my cardigan, making sure that none of the white gauze was showing. _Please, do not let him find out_.

He heard my heels clicking on the linoleum floor, and looked up. He smiled sadly at me, saying that I looked pretty. I smiled genuinely for the first time in what it felt like was years.

Kissing my forehead, he grabbed my hand, and led me out the house. The ride to the funeral was silent. I tried to calm myself, as he parked the Jeep beside Edward's Volvo. I didn't want Edward finding out about my stupid, temporary lapse in judgement.

I had told Emmett that I would be over there in a few minutes. He nodded, and walked over to where Rosalie was standing. I stared out the window.

I didn't want to get out of the car. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I jumped when I heard the Jeep door open. I groaned. "Emmett, look I told-" I was cut off, "It's not Emmett." Edward softly replied. I blushed lightly. "Oh, sorry,"

He slid into the driver's seat and shut the door. "It's okay." He reached for my hand, and I quickly yanked it back. I was being cautious, I didn't want to chance being caught. We sat silently in the Jeep for a few moments. Edward broke the silence first.

"It's time to go." He said, just above a whisper.

I shook my head, and did my best to hold back my tears. "I don't wanna go." I mumbled. He reached for my hand again, this time I allowed him to take it. He linked his fingers with mine.

"Why not?" He asked. I turned to face him. "Because, if I go that means he's really not coming back," I told him "and I don't think I can handle that." My voice broke, and the tears I had been holding back flowed freely.

Edward wiped them away with his free hand, and cupped my face. "It will be good for you." He whispered, and leaned in closer to my face. He unknowingly set his weight on my bad arm. "Ah! Fuck!" I cried out, and yanked my arm back, which only made it hurt more.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" He asked urgently, reaching for my arm. I pulled away.

"No, no. You didn't. I'm fine." I said through my teeth.

"Bella," He said, his tone laced with concern.

I hummed in response.

"Are you alright?" I nodded vigorously. "Yeah, totally," I lied, and got out of the Jeep.

I quickly started walking towards Alice and Rosalie but Edward grabbed my arm. When he didn't say anything, I glanced to see what his problem was. The sleeve to my cardigan had ridden up ever so slightly, exposing the white gauze. I groaned. I turned around so that I was facing him. I tried to pull my arm away from him, but he wouldn't let go.

"Edward! Let go of me!" I almost yelled. I pulled harder this time. He glared at me. "Bella," He almost growled. I rolled my eyes. "Edward, let go! Seriously! You're hurting me!" I whined. He gasped, and released my arm immediately. "I'm so sorry, Bella!" He quickly apologized.

"Whatever Edward," I mumbled. I tried to walk away, but he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. My whole body went stiff. He kissed my forehead, and I relaxed a little.

"Bella come on. Talk to me!" He begged. I bit my lip. I couldn't think of anything to say.

"Let me see." He said firmly. I scoffed. "Uh, no thank you." I tried to break his hold on me.

"I'm assuming you don't want me to tell Emmett." He murmured. I glared at him. "You wouldn't."

He glared back. "Watch me."

I contemplated telling him that I didn't care, but decided against it. I sighed in defeat, shrugged off my cardigan, and handed it to him. He slung it over his shoulder, and carefully lifted my gauze-covered arm. He slowly began to un-wrap it, and I cringed. I turned my face away so that I couldn't see his expression.

I heard him gasp quietly as he lightly grazed over the fresh cuts with his fingers. I hissed at the contact.

"Dude!" I exclaimed, turning to face him.

He looked at me with sad eyes. "Why?"

"Edward! Please, I really don't want to do this now!" I cried out. I felt a strange sense of déjà vu. I quickly remembered the night in my kitchen. Tears formed in my eyes, as I remembered the promise I had made him.

_Flashback;_

_"Bella will you promise me something?" Edward asked his voice tight and thick with worry._

_"Anything," I vowed._

_"If you ever feel like you have to do something like this, please call someone."_

_I nodded._

_"Say it out loud, say that you promise me." His voice was strained and pleading. __Who was I to deny him? _

_"Say it,"_

_"I promise," I whispered in his ear. He hugged me tighter. "Thank you,"_

_End flashback;_

It was only then did I realize I was crying. Edward tightened his hold on my waist. He leaned down and softly pressed his lips against mine. I jumped slightly, not expecting him to kiss me, but quickly recovered and poured myself into the kiss.

This kiss was sensual, filled with longing, and love. The intensity of it astounded me. After a few short minutes, he broke the kiss.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I love you, Bella." He told me. I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off. "It pains me to see you like this. It's one thing to see scars, but it's completely different when I can see the cut that caused the scar." I sighed. I couldn't think of anything to say.

"I just wish you would talk to me. Tell me how you feel, so you don't have to do that."

"I'm _so_ sorry Edward." My voice broke. He smiled sadly, and kissed the side of my head. "I know you are."

"Do you?" I asked rhetorically, my tears returning with vigor. "You can't possibly imagine how I feel right now." I almost yelled. "I'm so ashamed and I feel horrible. I broke my promise!" I sobbed, and buried my face in his chest. He rubbed my back in an effort to sooth me.

"I promised you, that I would call someone if… I-I…" I hiccupped, unable to get the words out. However, Edward knew that I was trying to say. He lifted my chin up, and looked into my eyes. His eyes held many emotions; sadness, love, and disappointment clouded his green orbs.

He kissed my forehead, and his grip on my waist loosened. He handed me my cardigan, and I quickly slipped it on.

"Come on, love." He whispered. "It's time to go." I nodded solemnly, and allowed him to pull me over to where Emmett was waiting.


	33. Chapter 32

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

I felt dead inside, hollow even. I was more than ashamed at what I had done. Using Charlie's death as an excuse to justify my actions made me feel worse. My surroundings were all too familiar. Sadness, mourning, the faces of my friends filled with sorrow, and my family's grief. It was as if I were living my mother's death all over again.

If I thought losing her was unbearable, I sure as hell didn't know how I'll mange to survive this.

Edward and I followed Emmett, along with the rest of the group, taking our seats in the front row. From the corner of my eye, I could see the shine of the casket my father lies in. I felt disgusting. Next to the casket was a brilliant picture of my father in his police uniform. I tried to look away, but I couldn't. It was only then did I realize that my grip on Edward's hand was cutting off his circulation. I loosened my grip, and shot him an apologetic look.

I tried to tune the people out, not thinking about what was going on around me. I still couldn't wrap my mind around everything. I didn't want to believe that my father was dead. My last chance at happiness was gone. I had only spent a few short months with him, and it wasn't satisfying enough. I had gone through the majority of my life away from him, and Emmett, and of course, now it would be cut short. It seems like whenever I can manage to obtain any sort of happiness, it's taken away from me.

Maybe I just wasn't meant to live a happy life. It would explain a lot. Some people just weren't meant to be normal. Unfortunately, I was one of those people. It's completely unfair, but that is the story of my life.

I sat unmoving, not really listening, not actually looking as the ceremony started. I missed my father. If there was something I could do to get him back, I'd do it with out thinking. After a few moments, Pastor Webber called me up to the microphone. I had wanted to say a few words before my father were buried. I pulled on my sleeve anxiously as I walked to the mic. Pastor Webber pulled me into a tight hug, and offered his condolences. Cautiously I took the mic from him, and cleared my throat.

"I'd like to thank all of you for being here," I began. "Charlie was a great man. I didn't spend much time with him growing up, but my feelings have never changed. He wasn't the greatest father in the world, but he was _my _father." My voice trembled. I took a deep breath, and looked over at Edward. He smiled sadly at me.

"I'm sure all of you loved him in your own way. He was always willing to lend a helping hand; he cared about this town, and the people in it. He loved his family, and supported us in every way. I love him so much, and I'll never fully recover from this." Tears streamed down my cheeks. "Daddy, I love you. I miss you. You'll always be in my heart." I handed the mic over to pastor Webber, and quickly stormed to my seat. Edward wrapped his arm securely around my upper body. I buried my face in his shoulder, as I shook violently with tears.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed before Edward and I left the building. I couldn't stand to see them burry my father. I felt bad, but I just couldn't handle it. I quickly rushed over to Edward's Volvo.

I climbed into the passenger seat; I kicked off my heels, and removed the cardigan. I pulled my knees to my chest, and sobbed into them. I heard Edward open the drivers' side door, get in, and close the door. I didn't say anything. I didn't think I would be able to say much anyway.

I wanted to stop feeling like this. When my mother died, I never imagined that I could feel pain worse than that day. I was wrong.

_Flashback;_

_The ride to the funeral home was filled with an eerie silence. I knew that Phil would rather have been at home doing something disturbing to me, and he knew I knew that. He rested his right hand high up on my thigh, and I resisted the urge to shiver away from his touch._

_The guilt consumed me in waves. I doubted that I would make it out alive. If only had I been nicer, told her that I love her, anything. Maybe she'd still be alive right now. And I wouldn't be alone with this monster. He pulled the car into the funeral home's parking lot. I saw Tia and Sam from the corner of my eye. Phil noticed me looking at them._

_"You can go over there, baby." He whispered in my ear. His voice was shallow and heavy, it made me gag. I nodded in reply. As I moved to get out, he grabbed me by my waist, and lifted my chin up with his hand. I didn't pull away. I had grown used to his behavior, and I didn't need to be hit. He slowly placed his cold, clammy lips against mine, tears streamed down my cheeks. His grip loosened on my waist, and I shuffled out of the car._

_I made my way over to Tia, and Sam. They both pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. I sobbed violently into Sam's chest, and Tia rubbed my back soothingly. I wasn't just crying because of the death of my mother. No, I was crying because of Phil too. The urge to tell Tia, her mother, her father or Sam was overwhelming. I almost gave into the feeling. Almost. _

_I was so angry, above anything else. I almost hated Renee. She left me here, alone with Phil. Now I had no one to protect me. Nothing keeping me from killing myself. Tia and Sam weren't even enough. Briefly, I thought of my brother, and father. I vaguely remembered them but, I missed them. I knew that much. _

_What would they do if they knew of Phil? I wondered idly. Would they even care? I'd like to believe they would. At least someone cares wither I live or die. _

_I was hyper aware of Phil, as I heard his footsteps approach where I was standing. Tia's parents offered their deepest sympathies, along with Sam's mother. Amun - Tia's father was a Pastor, he was going to be conducting the ceremony. I had never been to a funeral before. However, I had seen enough movies, and TV shows to give have the general idea. _

_At that moment Renee's parents had arrived. Phil kissed me on the forehead, and went to greet them. To others Phil's affection towards me was the behavior of a caring father. I knew better. Every glance, every touch, every kiss was more. I hated it. I often find myself wondering: 'Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Why couldn't I be normal?' I doubted if I would ever receive answers to those questions._

_It's funny how someone could break your heart, and you could still manage to love them with all the little pieces. As much as I hated Renee for this. I will always love her, and mourn her death. I knew I wouldn't recover from this. Every minute, of every day that had passed since I found her lying lifeless on our bathroom floor, the guilt had been eating at me. _

_I slipped my hand inside my pocket, and brushed her note, her last words to me with the tips of my fingertips. Tia and Sam had already gone inside. I was waiting for Phil. He acknowledged me waiting with a sadistic smile. _

_After a few moments, he ended his conversation with my grandparents, and made his way over to me._

_He laced his clammy, warm fingers with mine. I cringed inwardly. We walked silently hand in hand into the funeral home. The silence had never been so loud._

_End Flashback;_

My breaths were comming in, short, heavy and shallow. It was only then did I realize I was hyperventalating. From the drivers' side Edward tried to calm me, but it was no use. I shook violently with tears, as I tried to rid all thoughts of Phil from my mind. Without realizing what I was doing, I scratched violently at my arm, in a feeble attempt to get Phil out of my head.

I could only think about him. I was truly alone now. With both of my parents dead, there was nothing stopping him. The thought terrified me to no end. I was shaking, and inhuman sounds escaped me. I was vaguely aware of Edward snatching up my hand, stopping me from scratching anymore. I whined. I felt a strange sensation in my arm, which warmed my insides. I glanced down at my arm, and I bit my lip as I watched the blood flow down my arm. Washing away all thoughts of Phil.

There was blood everywhere; I had re-opened all of the fresh cuts. The blood washed away everything. All my problems just bleed away in that instant. Without letting go of my hand, Edward put the car into drive, and sped out of the parking lot. We made it to my house in a matter of minutes. As the minutes passed, I had become to feel numb again. I was thankful. I sat unmoving as Edward, grabbed my cardigan, and shoes from his car sweeping me up bridal style, caring me into the house.

I wasn't sure; how he managed to snatch, they key up from under the mat, and unlock the door while carrying me. He slowly moved up the stairs, throwing my shoes, and cardigan on my bedroom floor he carried me over to the bathroom. He sat me on top of the toilet, grabbing a washcloth from the under of my sink, he soaked it in warm water, and washed away the blood.

I began to feel ashamed, as I watched him clean up the mess I had made. I mumbled an apology. He didn't say anything, but I knew he heard me. I felt like an idiot. I was exhausted mentally, and physically. After he cleaned up my arm, he silently stormed into my room returning to the bathroom with a t-shirt, and pajama pants.

With out murmuring a word, I took the clothes from him. He exited the room, closing the door behind him. In a trance I stood up, removing my dress and the pantyhose, and replacing it with the t-shirt, and pajama pants. I left the dress on the tile floor, and trudged into my room. I noticed him sitting on the corner of my bed; I ignored him, and crawled into bed.

Once I was comfortable, he leaned in closer to my face. "I'm so sorry." I whispered. "I know you are." He replied, and lightly touched my forehead with his lips.

"Don't leave me." I whined. With out saying anything he crawled over, laying on top of the blankets, and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'll never leave you." was the last thing I heard before I drifted to sleep.


	34. Chapter 33

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT**

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

The weeks following my father's funeral were uneventful. I didn't say or do much. I went to school, came home, and slept. I didn't feel like doing much else. It felt as if I wasn't really there, like I was hollow. The only time I managed to feel any sort of something was when I was with Edward. He made it his mission to be with me at every moment possible. After my mental breakdown at Charlie's funeral, he hasn't left my side. He was the biggest support system I had at the moment, I didn't think I'd be able to get through this without him.

Tia and Sam couldn't attend Charlie's funeral, but I didn't hold it against them. I talked with them on Skype as often as I could. They could tell that I wasn't really dealing with Charlie's death but they didn't pester me about my feelings - or lack there of - for which I was thankful.

I would imagine that my brother has been taking Charlie's death just as, or if not harder than I am. He hasn't been the same. He doesn't laugh, he barely smiles, he's not Emmett anymore. I can see how much it pains Rosalie, she does her best to be there for him. I don't think there's much she could do, there isn't much anyone could do for either of us.

To my intense surprise Edward hadn't said anything to anyone about my self-harm relapse, I was thankful. I hadn't cut since the day of the funeral, I've been wanting to, but I haven't. I felt horrible for breaking my promise. I couldn't bring myself to tell Tia, or Emmett. A few days after the funeral, I managed to muster up the courage to tell Jane via phone conversation. I expected her to be furious, but she wasn't. I could hear the disappointment in her voice, but she was as understanding as ever.

After Charlie died I stopped seeing Dr. Mallory, Emmett wasn't happy about that. I promised him that I would resume therapy when I was ready, I needed time to adjust to my father's perpetual absence. Edward had finally managed to talk me into seeing Dr. Mallory again, Emmett was pleased, and proud of me. I was debating whether or not I wanted to tell Dr. Mallory about my relapse. I wanted to lie to him, tell him that I was fine, and that I would be fine but I wasn't sure if I was capable of lying about that.

I wasn't fine, and I didn't think that I would ever be fine again.

My nightmares have slowly started to stop, every so often I'll have one but they're not as chronic as they were. I still think about Phil often, much to my dismay. I always find myself getting lost in my thoughts, and having brief flashes of our time together. I wished that I could wipe him from my memory.

Edward was driving me to my appointment today. I loved spending my time with him, I really didn't want to be around anyone else but him at this point. It still surprises me that Edward even wants anything to do with me, especially after everything that's happened. Part of me wished that he would leave me, because I couldn't imagine him ever really being happy with me. I have too many problems, and too much baggage. I didn't think we'd ever have a normal relationship, and by normal I mean sexual.

Of course Edward and I share brief kisses every now and then. He always stops us before he gets too carried away, he respects my boundaries, and always makes sure that I'm comfortable. I love him more for that. Edward is understanding about all of this, he knows what I can handle and what I can't. He never tries to push me, and he's always patient with me.

I knew he wanted more though, I could see it in his eyes. He wanted me, and I wished that I could give myself to him in that way. I would do anything to make him happy.

The drive to Olympic Counseling Services was silent, but comfortable. The only noises were the sounds of Debussy coming from the speakers, and the soft purr of Edward's Volvo. I rested my head on the window, watching the rain fall, and hit the glass. I could feel Edward's eyes on me, but I didn't turn to look at him.

After a few short minutes we pulled into the OCS parking lot. I listened as Edward shut off the car, and pull the keys from the ignition.

"Bella?" he inquired, breaking the silence.

"Hmm?"

"Are you ready to get out?" he asked, reaching over taking my hand in his. I stayed silent, still not looking at him. After a few moments, I finally sighed. "I don't know."

He squeezed my hand reassuringly, rubbing soothing circles on the top of my hand with his thumb.

"Take your time love," he whispered. I almost hated him for being so wonderful. He was forever patient with me, going along with everything at my pace. I didn't understand what I did to deserve him. I didn't think I deserved him. How could someone like me; a broken, poor excuse of a girl deserve a man as wonderful as Edward?

He was the only thing I had to live for now.

"Hey, hey," he cooed. "What's this?" I felt him reach over, and wipe the pad of his thumb against my face. It was only then did I realize that I was crying. "What's wrong, love?"

I didn't turn to face him, and I didn't say anything.

"Bella," he said, his voice hoarse, and pleading. "Talk to me, tell me what you're thinking?"

After a few moments, I finally turned to face him, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Why are you with me?" I asked just above a whisper. He raised an eyebrow at me, confusion painted itself on his beautiful face.

"You deserve so much better than me," I said quietly under my breath, I wonder if he even heard me.

He leaned his face closer to mine, his hands making their way into my hair. "Don't you ever say that, Bella." he almost yelled. "It's _me _who doesn't deserve _you._" I shook my head slowly from side to side, and turned away from him.

Gently he placed his hands on the side of my face, and forced me to look at him.

"You're everything that I want and more, please believe that." he said softly, looking into my eyes. His green orbs swam with sadness, and longing. I closed my eyes as another tear rolled down my cheek.

"I'll always be here Bella," he said firmly, his voice still soft.

"Really?" I whispered, opening my eyes.

"Yes, really" he responded, pressing his lips to mine.

**A/N: Hey guys, I've been thinking that I ended the story a little abruptly. I posted an AN last night stating that I finally finished all of the revisions to the story, which I did. I kind of just wanted to add another chapter for more closure. I'll repost the Epilogue later on tonight, and then that's it. **

**Thank you for all of your support. I love all of you. **

**XOXOXOXO  
-raybabiieex3 **


	35. Epilogue

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT.**

**Epilogue **

_Seven years later_

I stood in front of the full body mirror and gazed at my reflection. The woman in the mirror was a stranger. I didn't know her.

Her hair was in soft curls. The top part was pinned back, while the bottom cascaded down her back. Her eyes were huge with excitement and framed with long, thick lashes. Her skin was cream and roses.

The narrow sheath of the shimmering white dress flared out subtly at the train almost like an inverted calla lily. But the woman in the mirror _wasn't_ a stranger. The woman was _me. _A new refurnished and pure version of myself.

It was beyond looking different, acting different, and appearing different. I _felt _different. I didn't feel like the broken abused girl that I was when I arrived in Forks seven years ago. I wasn't the fragile little girl that lost her mother, and father. I felt good. I wasn't healed. I doubted if I'd ever recover fully, but I felt good. I'd go as far to say that I felt great.

I wasn't the girl dealing with an eating disorder, the girl struggling to stop cutting, the girl who was broken by a poor excuse of a man. I found no traces of my former self as I gazed at my reflection. I couldn't see the scars, there were no more tears, for the first time in years I had a genuine smile.

"Bella it's time!" I was brought out of my thoughts by Alice's high-pitched squeal. I sucked in a deep breath.

"Bells, you look beautiful." Emmet whispered. He smiled sadly at me. He knew that I would've wanted Charlie here to walk me down the aisle, but I couldn't be happier to share this special moment with my brother.

Tia, Angie, Jess, Emily, Rose and Alice stood right in front of me. They all looked stunning. Tia linked arms with Ben, Angie linked arms with Erick, Jess linked arms with Mike, Emily linked arms with Sam, and Alice linked arms with Jasper. Rose was the only one with out a man, because I had Emmett on my arm.

"Deep breaths," Tia said.

"Edward's waiting for you down there," Rose, piped in.

"You can do this Bells," Angie added.

"When the music starts Tia, and Ben you guys go then Angela, and Erick, Jessica and Mike, Emily, and Sam. Then Jasper and I will go then Rose." Alice instructed.

Pachelbel's Canon started to play threw out the house, the soft piano tune was making me hyperventilate.

"Tia, Ben go!" Alice commanded. Tia and Ben began a slow graceful walk down the Cullen's winding stairwell.

"Angela, Ben count to five and then go!" Alice said. They nodded. Alice was commanding all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen, before she made her way down the staircase. She winked at me before walking out of my eyesight.

Rose stood in front of me, and grabbed my wrists.

"Don't be afraid. You've come so far." Rose whispered.

I smiled whole-heartedly at her. "I know,"

"Take a deep breath, and count to five before following me."

I nodded. Rose kissed me on the cheek and Emmett passionately on the lips before beginning a slow graceful dance just like the others. The music slowly morphed into a new song. Em nudged me. "Bells, we're up to bat."

I nodded. "Okay…" I said breathlessly.

"I know Dad would have wanted to be here." He whispered, pulling my hand through his arm grasping it tightly. I nodded curtly. "I'm happy that I have you Emmett. Thank you for everything. I love you so much. You're the best brother a girl could ask for."

He kissed my forehead. "I love you too, Jingle Bells."

_You can do this, _I told myself as we began to descend to the slow tempo of the march. I was only twenty-four, but I had already been through so much. It was truly a miracle that I made it out alive. I could feel the presence of both my mother and father as I walked down the aisle.

As soon as my feet were past the stairs, my eyes started searching for him. I was barely conscious of my brother on my arm. I had to stop myself from sprinting headlong down the aisle.

Carlisle, Sam, Ben, Mike, Erick and Jasper stood by his side and Pastor Webber was right behind them. Tia smiled widely at me. I winked at her.

The march was agonizingly slow, as I struggled to keep my steady pace with the music. Then I was finally there. Edward held out his hand. Emmett took my hand and placed it in Edward's.

"Take care of her; I won't hesitate to kick your ass." He whispered. Edward smirked, and nodded. I touched the warm miracle of his skin and I was home.

"We are gathered here today for the binding of Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen, in holy matrimony," Pastor Webber began.

"The couple has decided to recite their own vows, Mr. Cullen if you please."

Edward nodded, and he took my hands in his. He took a deep breath.

"Bella, I remember the first time that I saw you. I knew you were different. I wanted to know you, and be with you. I was an ass to you in an attempt to push you away, but I couldn't. Everywhere I turned, you were there. That night in your kitchen, that's when I knew I couldn't help myself. Things had to change. I love you so much, and I'll always be here for you. I'll always protect you, love you, miss you, and love you even when I hate you. You'll always have a shoulder to cry on, and somebody to lean on. You're my everything."

I didn't realize that I was crying until it was time for me to say my vows.

"Miss Swan, you may recite your vows."

I nodded, and looked up at Edward threw my lashes. His green orbs were huge with excitement, and they glistened with un-shed tears.

"Edward, before I met you I didn't like you. I assumed you were an ass, a complete disrespectful ass." Everybody laughed at that, and I smiled.

"Then I saw you sitting at the lunch table in all your perfection. I remember thinking: "wow, he's beautiful." I loved your eyes. They were the deepest and brightest shade of green I had ever seen, I could've gotten lost in them eyes for ever." He smiled at me, and kissed my hand.

"You were my first crush, you have my butterflies, and tingly girly feelings that I had never felt before. I'll never forget that night in my kitchen, when you begged me to trust you, and I did. For some unknown reason I opened up to you, and you paid me back by being there for me." Edward smiled radiantly at me. I took a deep breath, before finishing my vows.

"Standing here right now, I can say that you are the love of my life. I don't need anybody else, or anything else. I love you for everything that I am, and I trust you with my heart and soul. I promise to love you, every single day, and to have and to hold you. I love you no matter what; I will be your best friend, your lover and your companion. I know I can always count on you to be there for me. You have seen me at my best, and loved me at my worst. I'm not sure what I would've done without you when Charlie died. I am in love with you; so deep in love with you that it hurts."

"The rings please!" Pastor Webber commanded. Tia handed Pastor Webber my wedding band, and Sam handed over Edward's.

"Now, say 'with this ring I thee wed' and slide it all the way up her finger." Pastor Webber instructed Edward.

Edward took my left hand in his, and he slid the wedding band up my left ring finger. "With this ring I thee wed," He said with a smile.

"Slide the ring all the way up his finger, and say 'with this ring I thee wed'." Pastor Webber told me and handed me Edward's wedding band.

I took the sliver ring, and slid it all the way up Edward's left ring finger. "With this ring I the wed."

"You may kiss your bride!"

Edward swept me up in his arms and lifted me off the ground. I threw my arms around his neck. He pressed his lips against mine, in a hard urgent kiss full of love and passion.

"With the power vested in me, and the state of Washington I give you Mr. and Mrs. Cullen."

I pulled away from Edward, and I kissed him on the cheek. "I love you Mr. Cullen."

"I love _you_, Mrs. Cullen."


End file.
